Belong (Seven Year Itch #3)(34)

I wasn’t sure, but I could have sworn I caught a look of regret cross over her face. It broke my heart to put my pants on and leave her there alone.

I found Harper sitting on the steps in tears. I picked up her and carried her back to the bedroom, the whole time trying to figure out what she’d witnessed and how I could talk my way out of it.

Her sniffles finally settled after a few minutes of me lying close to her. “I want my Mommy.”

“Mommy’s not here.”

“Why were you kissing that lady? Do you love her?”

It damn near shattered me. What was I supposed to say? She was my little girl. Disappointing her was like driving a knife into my own heart. “No. Of course not. You were tired. You were just dreaming. Go back to sleep, Harper. Daddy will stay right here with you.”

I was shaking, unable to get to Rachel to explain why I felt I couldn’t leave Harper, not until she fell back asleep.

Those few minutes were gut-wrenching. I thought about how Harper felt seeing me with someone other than her mother. I imagined Rachel’s reaction, and how it was going to make her want to walk away. I couldn’t let it happen, not again.

As soon as I knew Harper was resting again, I hurried downstairs to find Rachel dressed and sitting on the couch with her hands covering her face. As soon as the cushion next to her moved she turned to look at me. “Hey. I’m sorry about that.”

“No. We got carried away. We should have been more careful. That’s what happens when you and I get together. Nothing else matters.”

She stood and I knew it was because she was about to leave. I caught her hand and held her from turning away from me. “This changes nothing, Rach.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because I’m not letting you walk away again. Sit back down and talk to me. Please.”

She did as I requested, coming down where she’d been before. “We’re fooling ourselves if we think we can do this. You’re still married and you live thousands of miles away.”

“I’ll move here. This is my house now. We can be happy here.”

“We? You mean the three of us, right?”

“Of course.”

“And you think your wife is just going to let you have custody of your daughter?”

“I’ll fight for it. I’ll hire the best attorneys.”

“You’re talking out of your ass. You and I both know you’re not that cold-hearted. You wouldn’t do that to your daughter.”

“I’ll go back and forth. You could move with me. You’d like the beach.”

“Chad, my life is here. My daughter is having a child. I’m not leaving her to get caught up in the mess your marriage is about to be. It won’t work.”

“What are you saying?” I was already feeling as if she was telling me goodbye without using the words.

“I’m saying we won’t work. We can’t do this.”

“You’re killing me.”

She was already crying. “You think it isn’t hurting me?”

“I’m not home until you’re in my arms. Please don’t give up on this. Please, Rach, I just got you back.”

“It’s not possible. This was a mistake.”

“No!” She wouldn’t do this to me. “It was perfect and you know it. We’ll figure this out. Stay with me. Be here with me until we can figure it out together. I’ve waited too long for this.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. The longer I’m with you, the harder I’ll fall. I can’t do this again. The first time just about killed me. This time is going to end me. I can already feel it happening.”

“What can I say to change your mind?”

“Nothing. Just don’t say anything. It hurts too much. I knew this was a mistake. I knew I’d fall right back into your arms. It’s why I didn’t tell you about Grayson. I knew I couldn’t resist.”

I took my hand and gripped her chin to force her to look in my eyes. “I need you to stay. I’m begging you, Rach.”

She jerked away. “And I’m begging you to let me go. This has to stop. I was fine until I saw you again. I thought I’d blocked it out.”

“Yeah, me too, but it’s obvious neither of us are going to change our minds. Why can’t you accept it?”



She stood again. “I can. I also know it can’t work. I’m not waiting another fifteen years, Chad. I’d rather be alone than long for something I can’t have. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“You’re overreacting. Let’s just go back to where we left things.”

She picked up her purse. “Please don’t chase me. Let me go while I’m still able to do it.”

I buried my face in my hands, listening to the sound of the front door shutting. I didn’t know what to do. As much as I wanted a chance to be with Rachel, I understood she was right. Maybe all she needed was Harper to snap us out of it to realize how impossible it would be for us to have a relationship. It wasn’t fair to Rachel to sit around and wait for my daughter to be old enough.

As I stared at the carpet we’d just made love on, I sat there losing my shit. Rachel was back to being the one who got away. In an instant, I’d lost her again.