Because (Seven Year Itch #4)(21)
Torn to pieces, I manage to finally get it together enough to make it to my parent’s house. I wipe my eyes like windshield wipers in a storm. They burn and feel swollen when I try to blink. My chest hurts, and I’m shaking. I know my blood pressure is on the verge of sending me to the ER, but I push the worry of that aside. I can’t add to my already filled plate.
I park out on the street and walk up the long driveway. My dad is working in the garage with the door open. As I get closer I wipe my eyes and notice a brisk breeze against my face. It’s comforting to the burn I’m feeling, so I stand for a second to let it soothe me.
Leave it to my dad to linger outside in the cold for one of his manly projects.
When he spots me he invites me inside by waving his hands. “Hey honey. Your mom said you were coming back tonight.” He slides a wheeled stool in my direction for me to sit. It’s what he uses when he’s sitting at his metal desk doing small repairs. “Do you feel like talking about it?”
Unlike my mother, my dad is a little more open. He doesn’t think life is fixed with a little Duct tape and a lot of overlooking. He’s done things in his life that he regrets, which makes him the perfect person to confide in. “I left Brandon today, Dad. I’m sure Mom told you.”
“Yeah she mentioned it when I got home. She also called Susan, so be warned. You’ll probably be getting a call from her before the night is over.” Susan is my mother-in-law. Of course my mother wouldn’t take my word for it. She had to get right on the phone and run her mouth so the whole family was involved. This was going to escalate quickly. Soon they’ll all be against me.
“Mom thinks I should go home.”
He continues to work as he replies. “Yeah, your mom is a hard one to convince. Why’d you leave? Is it something that can be fixed or do I need to go rough up my son-in-law?”
I manage a smile. “No. You don’t need to hurt Bran. I left for more than one reason. I’d like to put all the blame on him, but it’s only half of it. Dad, I don’t know who I am anymore. How can my husband love me when I don’t even love myself?”
He finally stops what he’s doing and gives me his full attention. “Well I know who you are. You’re my beautiful daughter.”
“Thanks, but you know it’s more than that. I’m lost, and I can’t be around Brandon to figure it out. I need a breather, and while I’m working on myself I want him to do the same. We don’t like each other right now, and I can’t live like that anymore. I’m tired of pretending we’ll be okay. It’s getting worse. Not to be too personal, but all things can’t be fixed with sex.”
He chuckles. “It’s man thing, honey. We’re wired differently.”
“His priorities aren’t in order, and I’m sick of hoping he’ll change. I feel like he doesn’t appreciate me. I’m difficult to live with. I don’t trust him, because I assume he can do so much better.”
“Sometimes we have to lose something to understand it’s value. Trust me, I know from experience.” He pauses for a minute and rubs his thigh as if he’s uncomfortable. “I’m not going to ask if either of you have been unfaithful. I’d rather not know the details, but you need to hear this from me just this once, Shayla. We’re human and we all make mistakes. Not a day goes by where I don’t regret the pain I caused your mother years ago, but she’s forgiven me, even when I can’t forgive myself. I don’t know your situation, but if you love each other you can overcome adversity, no matter what the case. Don’t give up without trying every route first.”
I reach my hand out and touch his. “Thanks, Dad. That’s a lot better advice than Mom gave earlier.”
“Your mother is a romantic. She wants to ignore the bad in people in order to keep up appearances. She can’t help it. She’s not able to handle failure.”
I sniffle, but manage to hold back another bought of tears. “I’m determined to fix this. Brandon can promise me the world, but it’s never going to repair what’s broken inside of me. I have to do that myself. It’s going to be hard, but this fight isn’t just for me. It’s for my family.”
“Is there anything I can do to help make it easier?”
“Don’t buy junk food. Don’t let me binge eat. If you see me sitting around moping, make me get up.”
“We all need a snack every once in a while.”
I shake my head. “This is important to me. From this moment on I’m changing my life. I need to be healthy first. It’s time I lose the rest of this excess baby weight. I’m going to start running every morning like I did in high school. I want to get back in shape. Are you up for the early morning challenge? Do you want to do it with me?”
He sticks out his arms and flexes his biceps on either side, feeling one with a sarcastic look on his face. “I could use a tune-up.”
“Good.” I stand up and pat him on the shoulder before leaning over to kiss his cheek. “Be up at five. I need to workout before getting Aberdeen ready for school in the mornings she’s here. Thanks for the talk, Dad. It really means a lot.”
I leave my dad in the garage and head into the warm house. He’s going to regret agreeing to be my run buddy, but I’ll force him to do it because I need the support.