Because (Seven Year Itch #4)(14)
“Is there something you’d like to tell me?” I ask.
“What?” He seems confused. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Where were you tonight?”
“I told you earlier. I had a meet and then we went out for dinner and drinks. Are you drunk?”
“No, but I can smell the liquor on you from a mile away.” He stunk. Plain and simple. “I tried to call you earlier.”
“It was loud in the bar we went to. They had a band playing.” He makes his way to the couch to sit next to me. I scoot over to give him more room. I don’t want his closeness to distract me from what I want to say. “A female answered the phone. She said you were dancing.”
He rolls his eyes. “Jesus Christ. Not this shit again. I’m not in the mood to argue with you tonight, Shay.” He stands back up and starts leaving the room. “I’m going to bed. When you chill the f*ck out maybe you can join me, but if you’re going to keep being a bitch just sleep out here. I need to get up early for work and don’t feel like hearing you whine all night.”
I feel defeated, but also determined. He’s not going to get out of this conversation so easily. “Oh no you don’t.” I follow behind him. “I want to know why some random chick answered your phone and said you were dancing. What is going on, Bran? Tell me the truth. I’ve sat here all night thinking the worse. I need to hear you say it.”
“Say what? What is it you think I’ve been doing?” He laughs as he says it, like it’s all some joke to him.
“Were you with her? Are you seeing someone? I know you’ve talked to girls online. I know the password to your Facebook account. Was it one of those girls? Just tell me.” I start to cry while still speaking. “I need to know the truth. Is she beautiful?”
“You’re being ridiculous again. Why can’t you stop this?” He shakes his head and throws his hands in the air. “I’m done. If you can’t trust me to go out with my colleagues then there isn’t hope for this marriage.”
“Is that how you really feel?” I need him to say it again. We’ve mentioned this while fighting in the past, but never acted on it. If this is truly how he feels I want clarification.
“Pretty much. I’m done, Shay. Why don’t you go out and find someone you think can give you what you want, because it sure as hell can’t be me. It’s not worth it anymore. I’m tired of the bickering. I’m sick of you accusing me of doing things. Yeah, I sent a few messages to people, but I haven’t…” He stops and pauses for a second. “I don’t owe you anything. Just find somewhere else to go. This isn’t working and you know it.”
My lips are trembling and I feel like I could pass out at any minute. I’ve waited for him to say this to me, but now that he is, I’m losing it for other reasons. Brandon is throwing in the towel. He doesn’t want to be married to me, and I don’t know if I can blame him. I’ve pushed him to this point. “I don’t know where to go,” I manage to get out.
“Go to your parents. They’ll let you stay with them until we can get things figured out. I’ll do what I can for you, but I can’t afford to pay for two places. We’ll share the responsibility of Ab. I don’t want this to hurt her anymore than it already will. I think if we’re apart we can get along better. It’s obvious being in the same house isn’t getting us anywhere. We need a breather. Honestly, I don’t even know if time can fix what’s wrong with us. You don’t trust me. You never have. I can’t take it anymore, Shay. I’m sorry you’re upset. I know you love me, but I’m done walking on eggshells.”
I’m bawling. I can’t stand to hear him talking like this. He’s shattering my heart into a million pieces. I want to yell, to scream and punch him until he changes his mind, but I can’t move. I’m stuck there, looking at my husband and wondering how in the hell it has come to this. When did our love become something neither of us could stand anymore.
Brandon doesn’t stick around while I contemplate what to say next. He goes into the bedroom and shuts the door behind him, only opening it to toss me an extra blanket and my pillows. I don’t make it into the living room with my things. I collapse onto the floor in the hallway and sob.
My marriage is over. I’ve provoked it. Even if he was having an affair, I don’t think I want to lose him. How pathetic, right? I’d rather live with a cheater than know he was free of me forever.
This was not the way to fix our problems. It was how to escalate them to be irreparable.
Chapter 7
It was the last straw; the nail in the coffin. I’m not even going to mention how I’d gotten pulled over by a cop not even a mile from my house for swaying. Luckily, I’d only had two beers, so I didn’t blow over the legal limit to get locked up. It was enough to scare the shit out of me, of course only making me more frustrated when I walked in my house and got the third degree. I suppose I should expect it now. I can’t recall the last time she didn’t give me hell after coming home late.
As I sit up in our bed I hear her crying on the other side of the door. I’ve given her a pillow and blanket, but she remains. Does she want me to hear her? Is this on purpose?