A Missing Heart(73)

“AJ, listen, please. I’m not going to tell you what to do, but figure out your life here and once you do, there will be opportunities to explore more options for the three of us.”

“Like what?” I know what I want the answer to be, but I’m in no position to be considering a future with anyone before I legally close the last chapter in my life.

“I still love you, AJ. Remember our plans about running away together?”

“The thought of that has run through my head almost every day since we made those plans,” I say, gripping my fists tighter around the steering wheel.

“This story isn’t over. We just need to clear a path before we start off-roading.” I’m the off-roader and she’s the navigator. Always has been.

“Off-roading is meant for uncharted paths, Cammy.”

“Not this one.” Maybe that’s where I’ve always gone wrong. My shortcuts have led me into brick walls of disaster. Maybe the long winding road that takes twice as long to travel is the better option after all.

Ever still hasn’t said a word when we hop out of the truck at the car rental shop, but she wraps her arms around me, pressing her head into my chest. “I know you’re my dad,” she says. “I’ve wanted to know you since I was eight.” She shrugs at her own words. “I know it doesn’t mean much right now, but thanks for fighting for me. No one has ever fought for me before.” I have fought for you, Ever. I have fought for you since the day you were born.

Ever grabs her lone bag out of the truck and gives Gavin a small kiss on the cheek. “See you, bro. Don’t worry, I’ll teach you everything you need to know on how to irritate our dad.” Not much makes me cry, but that may be the best thing I’ve ever heard. Tears are threatening to erupt from the corners of my eyes and if Cammy comes one step closer, I’m going to be a goner.

Sure enough, though, Cammy steps close to me. Her arms reach up, and her hands splay across my face. “Look at me,” she says.

That did it. Tears are pouring from my eyes, making it hard for me to look at her through the blur. “Do what’s best for you and Gavin. Regardless of who has rights over who, Ever will always be your daughter—our daughter. The legal crap is just that—leave it to me, okay?”

“What about us, Cam?”

She looks down at my hand and brings it between us. “I want you to make decisions based on you. Even if you don’t have much say in the decision, pretend like there wasn’t something else better waiting for you after the decision has been made. Grieve for what is and what won’t be. Heal. And when it’s all said and done, if you’re on your own, maybe someday we can pick up where we left off thirteen years ago.”

“By that tree swing behind the occupied farmhouse?” I ask, trying to laugh a bit.

“That’s awfully specific, don’t you think?” she asks, matching my laughter.

“Maybe to you,” I tell her.

Cammy presses up on her toes and places a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll keep you in the loop of everything going on. I promise.”

She slides her hand off my face and smiles before leaning into the truck. She smooths the back of her hand over Gavin’s cheek. “And you, little man, if you need anything at all, I’m here for you. Keep your daddy in line for a little while, okay?”

I suck at goodbyes. I suck at pauses. I suck at watching people I love walk away from me, because this is the second time I’ve had to watch this woman walk away. This is the second time I’ve had to watch my daughter being taken from me, and it hurts like it’s the first time all over again.





CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE





SEVEN MONTHS LATER


“OKAY, BUDDY. I’LL be back to get you in a few hours. Give me the biggest hug ever.” Dropping Gavin off at daycare every day for the past four months has been really difficult. I haven’t quite gotten used to it yet, but he has.

Hunter somehow managed to take Olive with him to work every day for five years, but Olive and Gavin are two completely different children. From the second Gavin took off walking, he hasn’t stopped since. He looks for trouble. Olive was an observer; that made things much easier for Hunter.

“He’s going to be just fine!” Tanya, the daycare provider reassures me. “We’re going to do lots of fun things today, right Gavin?” she says as she scoops him up and props him on her hip. She’s told me many times that she has a soft spot for Gavin. Maybe she tells all of the parents that, but it makes me feel like Gavin is in good hands here.

“Love you, buddy!” I say, walking out the door.

I arrive at work on time, which has been happening for four months now, surprisingly. I guess I was spending a lot of time and energy on helping Tori cope, in addition to taking care of Gavin. I’ve even been more productive at work, and we’ve been getting higher-end jobs, which is nothing to complain about. “Dude, we just nailed a huge project. You won’t even believe it until you see it,” Hunter says.

“No shit,” I tell him. “When do we start?”

“Next Monday,” he says, kneeling back down with his hammer. “Any word on the case?”

I scratch my head and struggle to inhale enough air to keep my lungs moving at an even pace. “Yeah, they’re doing a home visit today, I guess. Cammy’s freaking out about it.”