A Missing Heart(75)

“I know, I’ve been hitting the gym a lot,” I say.

She tilts her head back with a tight-lipped smirk and then pulls herself back in, pressing her lips against my cheek. “God, I missed you,” she says.

“I was scared I’d get here, and you’d have some guy living with you,” I mutter in her ear.

“I was scared you’d show up with Tori,” she says just as quietly. I kept my divorce to myself, not wanting it to affect Cammy’s life or her decisions. It would alter the truth of what is or isn’t supposed to be. It was a little masochistic of me, but after all the lies and hidden truths I have lived through, I needed to find out what’s real in my life.

“Our divorce was finalized about a month ago,” I say, feeling like it’s still a little unreal.

Cammy slides down until her toes touch the ground. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s been a hard one to swallow, Cam. I’m thirty, and I’ve been divorced twice. It’s kind of embarrassing.”

She reaches up and places her hand on my cheek. “What’s embarrassing is sticking around when you’re not happy. We have one life, AJ, we might as well live it right.”

She takes my hand and pulls me inside, up the stairs and into her apartment. I’m not sure how I assumed her place would be decorated, but I guess it screams Cammy. Everything is tan and teal with white trim. It’s like a winter scene against a sunny sky. “Is Ever asleep?”

She smiles and exhales loudly. “She was a tough one to get to sleep tonight with her excitement in full gear, but I think she wore herself out.”

“So, she’s happy?”

“Happy doesn’t even come close to describing her joy.” Cammy is beaming, and all I want to do is kiss every inch of her face to share some of her happiness.

I lay Gavin down on the couch and Cammy picks him right back up, cradling the back of his head as she scoots him over her shoulder. I follow her as she walks down the short hallway and into a bedroom where a portable crib is set up. The scent of fresh linen wafts through the air, and she takes the draped blanket from a chair and tosses it over her other shoulder. I watch as she carefully places Gavin down in the crib and covers him with the small, light blanket. She presses her fingers up to her lips and touches them to his head. “Sleep tight, sweetie.” I’m in awe, watching her with him. She’s never taken care of a baby or a toddler, and yet it seems so natural. Seeing her treat Gavin in the same loving way I do makes my heart feel like it’s being wrapped in a blanket too. Cammy takes my hand and brings me across the hall into her bedroom. Closing the door softly, she leans her back up against it and closes her eyes. “I wasn’t sure we were going to get here, AJ.”

“Yeah,” I say through a breath.

“I feel like I’ve been running since the day Ever was born and it’s been this never-ending marathon until right this second. My life has felt so empty—like it’s been full of holes since I was eighteen. I tried so hard to fix it all. So hard. But everything I tried felt like nothing more than a flimsy band-aid. No relationship worked out until Casper, and that was nothing more than convenience. I got involved with him, because I had given up hope of anything better. I was going to settle, and it scared me so much. But almost as soon as I let my guard down, Ever showed up at the door.” She looks down toward the ground and wraps her loose hair around her fingers. “I’ve never been one to see the ‘signs’ of the universe, but Ever was more than a sign. She was drawn to my white flag that was surrendering me to any possibility of hope. She came to tell me not to give up, to hang in there just a little longer, and instantly, I realized that even if you were nowhere to be found, I had a piece of you back—her. Never did I think I would be lucky enough to find a piece of your life with a little room still left in it.”

“Holes,” I respond. “I don’t know of a better way to sum up my life since we were eighteen. My life has been full of holes. My heart was missing, and I didn’t know if I’d ever find it again.”

Cammy bites down on the knuckle of her forefinger and plops down on the bed. “I’ve had these dreams that you’d come here, and it would be like this perfect happily-ever-after situation, but I’ve convinced myself that too much has happened in your life and mine for something so cheesy to occur. I can assume you’re not ready to start anything new yet, and I would understand, but I really want to stick around and do this parenting thing by your side if you’ll let me. I want to move back to Connecticut and get a fresh start.”

I take a seat next to her on the bed, placing my hand on her knee. “In a perfect world, I’d come here and tell you I’m over what happened with Tori, but I’m not here to hook up with you, leave in the morning, and then maybe call you a week later.”

“Is that what you’ve been doing in your free time, AJ?” she asks, looking at up me with her beautiful, wondering eyes.

“Cam, the last thing on my mind is finding some random chick for a night. Plus, Gavin is starting to talk, and that kid would totally rat me out.” Cammy whacks me with the back of her hand before resting her head on my shoulder.

“Are you flirting with me?” I ask her.

“You would know if I was flirting with you,” she says. “I’m just taking the opportunity to be close to you.”