White Stag (Permafrost #1)(33)
“Yes,” I finally said.
“Do you know how old I am?”
“Is there a point to this?”
“Just answer the question.” He sighed in frustration.
“Relatively young, for a goblin in your position,” I said. “Not yet a millennium.”
“Seven-hundred and sixty-eight.” He paused, his eyebrows furrowing. “I think. It gets a little fuzzy after a while.”
“And?” Impatience crept into my voice. The sun had almost sunk beyond the horizon, letting the sky bleed crimson red. Soon the temperature would drop, and I didn’t want to be without my bedroll and bearskin cloak when it did. I would’ve frozen to death last night if it weren’t for them. And for Soren. I banished that thought from my head before it could take root and grow.
“One hundred and eighteen years ago, before I succeeded my father as lord, I was on a hunting mission near the edge of the Permafrost. It was just me, enjoying myself before I had to go back to court and deal with the numerous assassination attempts being thrown my way by various relatives. I was after a snow cat, the biggest thing you ever saw, and I wandered a bit too close to the border between realms.”
Something about his voice made the hair on the nape of my neck rise, but I forced the unease down and nodded. “Go on.”
“There was a woman near there with a man, her husband, or so I assume. She was pregnant, though I’d say she easily had two months left at the least. I’m not sure what they were doing so close to the border either. I probably could’ve killed them and added to my hunt. I debated it, but before I could decide anything, she started screaming something awful. The man was trying very hard to keep calm, but I could smell the fear on him.” He paused, waiting to see how I took that.
My mind felt strangely numb. “And what happened?”
“To spare you the gory details, she collapsed on the border and gave birth. The current between the realms probably didn’t help the birth; but even so, soon enough a child slid out from between her legs—a girl. It wasn’t crying or, I suppose, breathing, and its body was turning blue.” He leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees and waited a minute, his eyes catching mine as the purple reflected the fire in the sky. “They placed the child on the ground so they could hold each other and mourn the dead girl … but as the girl touched the earth, she started to scream louder than I would’ve thought possible.”
Beads of blood trickled down my skin, and I released my arm from the grip I hadn’t known I was holding. My heart was hammering in my chest, thrumming away like a bat trying to escape a trap, millions of thoughts rushing in my head, all too fast for me to understand them. The numbness that was spreading through my body covered me like a blanket, shielding me from the conclusion that was right in front of me.
“Three years later, I found myself at the same spot,” Soren continued after a moment. His voice was quiet, as if he thought any loud sounds would scare me away. “And I saw her again, the girl. I’m not sure how I knew it was her, but I did. I’d gotten into a fight with some young lordling my father had sent to kill me and was dragging his body across the border so he would be denied a peaceful afterlife. She was standing there, looking more inquisitive than a toddler had the right to. In all honesty, she looked older. Her limbs were leaner, her eyes possessed a certain type of cunning. She came up to the dead body and examined the wounds, then looked up at my bloody sword and touched the metal, giggling as her hand was smeared with blood. That’s when I knew this human child had the Permafrost in her blood, and the human world would never satisfy her. Not for long, anyway.”
I closed my eyes. “Please don’t continue. Please don’t.”
A soft sigh passed through his lips. “I waited until it was dark, and in my impulsiveness, I tracked her back to her hut. I wasn’t sure what I was planning to do once I had her—again, it was impulse, almost instinct I acted on—but I lifted her from where she lay and was about to leave when the father woke. I could’ve killed him, but if I did, I probably would’ve ended up slaughtering the whole village and I felt like it wasn’t worth the effort, so I listened to him plead. He begged for the child’s life, and though I said I had no intention of killing her, he begged still. We made a deal. I would wait until she became an adult, let her live among the people of her birth, and then I would come and I would take her home.”
I covered my ears, screaming. “Stop! Just stop! Don’t say anymore! Stop!” My body shook violently, and I dug my nails into my cheeks until they drew blood.
There was the rustle of boots against the ground, and his strong hands wrapped around my wrists, restraining them so they could cause no harm.
“Janneke.” His eyes searched my face, and I turned away, squeezing my own shut. No. No. No. He’s lying. He’s lying. No. That never happened. He’s lying. He’s lying. Father wouldn’t—Mother—no. No. The world spun until I couldn’t tell which way was up or down. The sky collapsed inward, crushing everything I knew to be true. The world fell apart in front of me, and I had no way to stop it, only the feeling of grim certainty as my life turned to ashes and scattered in the breeze.
“Janneke,” he said again, his voice almost a whisper, “it’s all right. You’re right where you’re supposed to be.”