White Stag (Permafrost #1)(36)

“I don’t know what I’ll do,” I said finally. “I need to think.”

Soren glanced up at the dark, moonless sky. “You’ll need to decide soon.”

“It’s more than a decision … I don’t want to be—”

“A monster?” Soren cut me off. “Remember what I said before? We’re all monsters, Janneke, in some way. Every creature is prey of something … or someone. That doesn’t mean we’re evil. Besides, I always thought that a being was only a monster when they became blinded to the outcome of their actions.” He let out a small smile. “I don’t think you’re the type of person to forget that everything comes with a price.”

“I never took you for a philosopher,” I said.

His lips twitched. “I won’t lie and say my kind are never monstrous. Just that we’re only as monstrous as your kind are.”

A chilly breeze blew against my still-wet hair, and I shuddered. “We should probably get back.”

Soren nodded. “Your teeth are beginning to chatter. Besides, we don’t want Elvira to think someone picked us off now, do we?”

“We’ve been lucky.” A fight with Helka and a few humans, a race against collapsing ground, a few dead bodies—those were nothing against a full-scale fight between us and any other armed group out for our power and the stag.

But as we headed deeper and deeper into the stag’s territory and farther away from the edge of the worlds, it wouldn’t be long before we ran into someone. Not to mention sooner or later our alliance with Rekke and Elvira would break for good. There could only be one winner of this hunt.

We trudged through the darkened landscape with Soren in the lead. His eyes were stronger than mine by far, picking up little anomalies in the blackness that I couldn’t see. I was silent as I chewed over my question, wondering if it was worth asking. Then I spoke.

“When are we going to double-cross Elvira and Rekke?”

Soren turned to me, and through the darkness his purple eyes glittered. “Do you think so little of me that you believe I’d betray our most honorable allies?”

I snorted. “Does that question need an answer?”

“Can you just humor me?” he groaned. “I’m trying to be sarcastic.”

“That’s not sarcasm.”

“I can tell.” The words came out in a quiet growl.

“Why do you do that?” I asked.

He frowned. “Growl? It’s … a way to express how I’m feeling, I guess? Different tones mean different things. I was frustrated. So, I growled.”

“Like a cat,” I said.

“A cat?”

“Every meow means something different,” I explained. “Every growl means something different. Like a cat.”

Soren tipped his head to the side, looking very much like a confused cat. “A cat,” he repeated, frowning. “I’m much more regal than a cat.”

“You’re as arrogant as one.”

“I will pretend I didn’t hear that,” he said. “Also, cats aren’t arrogant. They just know who’s in charge. Besides, if I’m a cat, you’re a dog.” He smiled at the look on my face. “You’d be one of those scruffy little mutts. A hybrid of some sort, I think. You would look cute. I would even let you on the furniture. As long as you didn’t shed. I hate shedding.”

I blinked. There was no responding to that. Soren chuckled to himself, as we continued back toward camp. Right here and now, he definitely didn’t seem like a monster. He had given me a choice. He’d given me the opportunity for my freedom. The idea was almost as painful to absorb as another goblin’s power, but it was slowly sinking in. The sleeping forms of Rekke and Elvira materialized before us. I glared at the older she-goblin. Now there was someone I could do without.

“You don’t like them?” Soren asked.

“Rekke is fine. She reminds me almost of a human. It’s Elvira who bothers me,” I said. “Not just because she wants to kill me either.”

“You threaten her,” Soren said, shrugging.

“How can I threaten her? She’s more than a millennium older than me, and I don’t even want to guess how many times more powerful. Then again, considering that she took Rekke on the Hunt in order to kill her, perhaps she has an inferiority complex.”

He shook his head, sighing. “Rekke shouldn’t be on this hunt.”

“I thought you didn’t trust her.”

“I didn’t. I thought her innocence was an act. It isn’t.” He scowled. “She’s young. Younger than you are, even. She should still be learning with a tutor and playing games with goblins her own age.” His eyes grew dark. “I’ve done many things and I don’t regret most of them, but I can’t abide those who snatch little birds from their nests and break their wings before they’re even ready to fly.”

My hands clenched into fists.

Soren’s gaze was thoughtful. “Are you afraid?”

“No,” I said. “I’m not afraid. I’m angry.”

The conversation ceased as we reached the camp. Both women were fast asleep on their bedrolls, the giant snow cat resting its leopard-like spotted body against his master’s. When his chest rose and fell with each breath, the wound on his flank glistened red. Rekke was curled in a tight ball, little whimpers escaping from her lips every so often. My heart hurt watching her.