White Stag (Permafrost #1)(27)

They came forward, and I forgot they were human; gods compared to the monsters I’d lived with for so long. I forgot about my fears and my hatred. I forgot about turning into a goblin. All I knew was that a threat was in front of me. Something wanted to harm me. I would not let it.

The man with the knife lunged as Thorsten jumped at me from the other side. I knocked one of them back with the bow, trying to give myself room enough to grab my own axe. Cursed long-range weapons.

I kicked out at Thorsten’s knees and he crumpled to the ground, pain clear on his face. He grabbed the edge of my cloak and pulled me down with him until we were grappling on the forest floor. I let loose another arrow as the man I’d knocked back struggled to his feet; the satisfying sound of metal sliding through flesh told me I’d hit my mark. Above me, an axe glinted in the morning sun, and I braced myself for when the steel hit my flesh.

It never did.

The yellow-haired man froze in mid-swing, shock plain on his face at the arrow sticking out from his chest. With his free hand, he scratched at the wound before falling to his knees. Behind him stood Soren, his white hair in disarray, his lilac eyes filled with a fury I’d never seen before. Faster than light, another arrow hit the dark-skinned man and passed clean through his skull. Soren took me in for a second before turning his scorching gaze to Thorsten, who untangled himself from me immediately. Power spilled from Soren’s limbs, forming around him like a cloud. The strength crushed the breath from my chest as he stalked forward. As he went, he passed the yellow-haired man and, with a clawed hand, ripped out his throat.

Soren jerked his chin to the side, motioning me to move away. I did, grabbing my weapons and squeezing them to stop the shaking in my hands. They tried to kill me. I’m one of them. I’m human! They tried to kill me. They thought I was a monster. But I was like them. I tried to warn them.

Thorsten let out a cry of pain as Soren stepped on his broken knee. “Now, I don’t normally toy with prey before I kill it,” he said as the man moaned. Using his foot to turn the man over, he gave Thorsten a swift kick in the ribs. The sickening crunch was followed by a low moan. “I’m a civilized creature, after all.” Another kick to the ribs. “But I feel like this situation deserves an exception.” Soren pressed his boot hard on the man’s hand. “Because you looked like you were interested in killing someone I’m fond of,” he said, circling Thorsten before crushing his other hand under his boot. “I can’t imagine why, knowing the retribution. And she was so nice to you too.”

Thorsten spat red, his voice alight with pain and anger. “Someone you’re fond of? Disgusting. Maybe she’s not the only one messed up inside.” His gaze rested on mine. “There ain’t no going back to where you’ve been, girl! You’ve been corrupted. You set one foot in a town, and they’ll be on you like hounds. They’ll know! It’s not natural for someone to survive as long as you! Not natural, not at all!”

Coldness spread through my bones. Soren’s gaze flitted to me. He looked like he was trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t read his eyes.

Then he turned his gaze away to look at the broken man on the ground. “I protect my own,” he said simply, and with a heavy step, he broke the man’s neck.

The howling wind was the only noise for a few long minutes. I took a second to catch my breath before collecting the arrows I’d shot. Soren did the same. I forced myself not to look at him, not to talk to him, not to think about him. I protect my own. The scar on my arm from where he’d first performed a bind curse burned. I protect my own.

Anger rose inside me like an earthquake. I wasn’t human enough. I had been away too long. This was my fate, and it was all his fault. If he hadn’t singled me out, I would’ve died. I would’ve been happy dying and returning to my family in the afterlife. Even if he’d decided to kill me the day Lydian threw me at his feet, like he should’ve, then I’d be happier. I’d be with my family, feasting eternally. There’d be no more coldness, no more pain, no more bitterness and rage and shame threatening to overflow every single day. Instead, I was here, stuck, becoming a monster.

This was all his fault.

“Are you all right, Janneke?” he asked. “We need to get back to the others.”

I gritted my teeth. “No,” I said. “No, I am not all right. I will never be all right.”

Soren raised an eyebrow, confusion clouding his features. Did he expect me to thank him?

“You should’ve killed me,” I said, as the anger bubbled up to my lips. “You should’ve killed me when Lydian threw me at your feet. But you didn’t. Was I some experiment for you? Someone who survived when no one else did? Did you want to see how far you could push me? How far you could make me go until I snapped? Everything you’ve done, you say you want to help, but all you want is to fuel some twisted type of amusement your kind love so much. He’s right. You’re sick. Protecting me, keeping me from killing myself, as you say, for what? Because I amuse you? You’re disgusting. You—you—you—” I stopped, the intense emotions jumbling the words to garbled mush.

Soren was quiet. “You’re wrong,” he said. “I’ve never once delighted in seeing your pain. I’ve never once thought of hurting you.”

“Liar!” I spat.

“I can’t lie.” He stepped forward. “All I’ve done, I’ve done because I care for you.”