While It Lasts (Sea Breeze #3)(48)

Chapter Twenty


Cage

She’d made my bed. Dammit. Why was she doing this? I worked hard to wash my head of her and flush her out of my system for three very long days. A lot of whiskey and women. It hadn’t worked. The only way I’d been able to perform was to close my eyes and pretend it was Eva. Calling out her name hadn’t gone over well with the girls who had been sober enough to realize I wasn’t mentally with them.

The corner of my quilt was pulled back for me and a plate of food sat on the table beside it covered in foil to keep it warm. I just had to make it until Saturday night. Then I’d be gone again for three full days. Coach had decided I needed to start working out with the team Sunday through Tuesday. I was just supposed to work here Wednesday through Saturday now. Wilson had given Coach Mack a good report and I was being rewarded for good behavior.

When Eva had pleaded with me earlier I’d almost cracked. The only thing that kept me from turning back to look at her had been the image of her with the other guy. She’d let him touch her and help her into the Jeep. He hadn’t been snubbed. He was good enough. I couldn’t do this with her. Being someone’s dirty little secret hadn’t bothered me until now. I didn’t want to be Eva’s secret. Things had been different with her. I’d felt something. It had been real. It had been more. So much more.

I took the foil off the plate and the smell from the meatloaf and corn hit me. I was ravenous. The image of Eva fixing my plate and carefully wrapping it and bringing it out here to me tugged at my chest. Damned if this wasn’t going to be hard. Luckily, I’d learned at an early age that self—preservation was the only way to survive with your soul intact.

Or maybe I’d lost my soul already. I doubted God let someone like me keep any gift from him. It was highly likely I’d been born without one.

*

The lake water was getting warmer with each smoldering hot day. It was still cooler than the hundred—degree heat that had gotten so thick it made it hard to take deep breaths. I ducked my head under the surface and soaked my hair, slicking it back off my face.

The sound of a car door slamming caught my attention as I surfaced. I spun around in the water to see Eva walking toward me. Shit. What was she doing now? I’d done everything I could think of to make her leave me the hell alone. Her long brown hair was flying free down her back and her flat tanned stomach was bare. The little red halter—top she was wearing with them damn cut off shorts sent my blood pumping.

I should turn my head away and ignore her but she was so damn beautiful it was hard. I hadn’t allowed myself to stare at her in over a week. She stopped at the bank and started pulling her halter top off. What the f*ck? A red lacy bra was covering up her tits and although I should be relieved, it wasn’t any better than the bare things. It was f*cking sexy as hell. When her hands went to the snap on her shorts I opened my mouth to stop her but she began shimming out of them. A pair of matching red lace panties with very little coverage caused me to get choked on my tongue.

“You are going to talk to me,” she demanded, stepping into the water. I wanted to argue with her but she was walking into the water with red f*cking undies on. I couldn’t form words.

“Where were you?” she asked as she closed the space between us.

I couldn’t forget. I couldn’t break. She had the power to break me. No one had ever been given that power, ever. Eva could do it. If I let her in any further she could completely destroy me. I was weak where she was concerned. I couldn’t be weak. She’d rejected me already. Why was she so damned determined to talk to me now? I didn’t get rejected. I was the one who rejected. I didn’t give someone a chance to decide I wasn’t good enough.

“I don’t reckon that’s your f*cking business, now is it, sweetheart?” I drawled in a bored tone.

She stiffened and stopped her approach. Good. If she got too close I was going to grab her and forget all about how she didn’t think I was good enough for her. She was ashamed of me. I held on to that thought as her plump tits played peek-a-boo with the water. Teasing me.

“Why are you being this way?” she asked. The hurt in her voice put a crack in my wall. I had to get away from her before I made a mistake.

“I’m just being me.”

She frowned, “This isn’t you. You’re not cold and mean.”

I clenched my hands into fists under the water to keep from reaching out and pulling her sweet little body up against mine and getting one more taste of her. One more memory to keep with me when I left. She’d rejected me. She would only do it again.

“What ya want, baby? You want me to take care of that hot body you’re out here advertising? ‘Cause I don’t mind making it feel good. You can come all over my fingers or are you ready for me to bury myself inside you now? You want to know what it’s like to f*ck a bad boy? It’s pretty damn good or so I’ve been told. I always have ‘em keep coming back for more.”

“Cage don’t do this,” she choked out.

“Don’t do what? Tell you the truth about me? You had me figured out all along. It’s why you want to keep me your dirty little secret. I’m used to that, Eva. I’ve been lots of women’s wild thrill.”

“Stop it, that isn’t who you are.”

I took a step toward her and my heart hammered against my chest painfully. The tears that filled her eyes were all I could handle. I hated myself as the ugly shit poured out of my mouth. “Yeah, baby, it is. But don’t you worry. I’ll be fine. I got rejected by you and more came running. Several hot little sorority girls made me feel all better this weekend.”