Twelve Steps to Normal(44)

The west side of Winsor Lake is where the seniors come to party. They have to wander pretty far into the woods to avoid gaining attention from the cops with all the noise and music. Whitney used to say she couldn’t wait until we were seniors so we could party here, but I don’t see the fun in standing around in the middle of the forest watching everyone else get trashed. It’s not that I’m against everyone having a good time. I mean, I’ve tried my fair share of cheap beer and spiked lemonade. I’m just not exactly comfortable watching other people get wasted—probably because I’ve watched my dad do the same thing too many times.

Alex takes in the stretch of discarded beer cans. “I never understood why Marlina loved coming here.”

I glance up at him, surprised. It’s as if he read my mind.

“Right?” I add. “Why can’t it be cool to keep hanging out at Sonic or something?”

“Probably because you can’t have sex in the back of your car at Sonic.”

“Valid point.”

I forgot that this place is also an STD landmine. As we toss away more crumpled aluminum and loose beer caps, I find myself wondering how far he went with Lacey. Heat fills my face. I shouldn’t care. That was freshman year, which feels like forever ago.

Jay and I did everything but. I always pictured him as my first. If I’m being honest, maybe that’s another reason why it’s so hard to see him with Whitney. But is this the new Jay—the one who brags about girls bringing him beer at parties and who flirts a little too openly and obviously despite having a girlfriend—someone I still want?

“So,” I say after a minute, searching for a new topic. “Ana…”

“Alex,” he corrects.

I shoot him a playful stare. “Ana. Your sister?”

“I doubt she parties out here, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Alex discards an empty chip bag. “She knows our mom would wring her neck if she came home drunk.”

“No, that’s not it,” I say. “I was hoping to visit her.”

Alex’s thick brows furrow in confusion.

“In the library. For tutoring,” I clarify.

“Oh, for sure. I’ll let her know you plan on stopping by.”

Relief eases inside my chest. “I feel like I’m drowning in that class.”

“She can help. Like I said, she’s the only reason I’m able to understand my homework.”

I appreciate that he’s not making fun of me. “I sort of let my grades slide when I was in Portland. I can’t afford to do that this year. Not if I want to go to a decent college.”

This captures Alex’s attention. “Where are you thinking of going?”

I toss another empty can in my bag. The truth is… I’m not sure. Ever since I’ve been back, all I can think about is attempting to fix this odd situation. I know I can apply wherever I want, but there’s a tiny, insecure part of my brain that wonders if I should go away to college. What’s my dad going to do? And what if he relapses and I’m not there to help this time?

“I don’t know. Things at home are… kind of weird.”

Whoa. Where did that come from? I’ve already admitted this to Lin, but she’s one of my best friends. Maybe it’s because of the way he’s looking at me. His eyes aren’t full of the sorry sympathy I was used to receiving from people. I can tell I have his full attention and it feels, I don’t know… nice?

When I don’t say anything else, he goes, “This probably doesn’t help, but my home life has been weird, too. It was just Marlina, Ana, and me last year, but then Marlina left for college and my two little cousins from Mexico moved in.” He tosses an empty cigarette carton in his bag. “One is eight and the other is five. They just started at Cedarville Elementary, but they’re really struggling with English.”

I thought moving to Portland was a huge change. I can’t even imagine moving to an entirely new country where I don’t even speak the language.

“That must be hard.”

“Tell me about it.” Alex scoops up another crushed beer can. “I’m used to being the youngest, so having two little kids in the house is kind of nuts. There isn’t much room for them. Emilio—that’s my five-year-old cousin—has to share a room with me. And he wakes up a lot crying for his mama. My mom feels bad because sometimes it’ll happen a few times a night, and then there are some mornings where I help her out with the restaurant…” He glances over at me. “Sorry. I’m talking a lot.”

“No.” I don’t want to discourage him, but it does explain why he’s looked run-down in class most days. “Why are your cousins here? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Their dad needed surgery, and my aunt couldn’t properly take care of both him and the kids. So my mom said they could spend a school year here.”

“That’s nice of her.”

“It is, especially since she already takes care of us. It’s why I don’t mind waking up early to help her out with the restaurant.” Alex wipes his forehead on the sleeve of his shirt. “They’re in ESL classes, but I’ve also been giving them extra English lessons every night. Emilio is picking it up faster than Jose, but they’re both making good progress.”