The Secrets We Keep(32)

“Hallways are fair game,” Jenna said as she reached up and put her Snow Ball queen poster dead center above Maddy’s locker. “The only place we’re prohibited from soliciting votes is in the field house and the locker rooms, although—”

“I think you’re wasting your time. Maddy’s gonna get so many pity votes that you won’t be able to compete. I mean, she may look like crap, but who wouldn’t vote for her after what happened?”

“You, for starters,” Jenna said. I heard the calm threat in her voice. Somehow she’d figure out who would vote for her and who wouldn’t. For that girl, casting a vote for Maddy would be equal to social suicide.

“Besides,” Jenna continued, “Maddy can’t be the Snow Ball queen if she’s not going to the dance. Alex will only coddle her for so long, then eventually he’s gonna get tired of tiptoeing around her.”

My sister’s image, the one she had meticulously crafted, was being torn apart while I stood here hiding. I knew what Maddy would do. I knew without a doubt that she’d walk down that hall and call Jenna out. They’d argue and threaten each other with useless pieces of gossip, then come four o’clock, it’d be over. Whatever nasty words had passed between them would be forgotten and someone else’s misfortune would take the spotlight.

Not me. I’d quietly walk away without ever letting Jenna know I’d heard every backstabbing word that came out of her mouth. I’d plot and plan, sit at home and stew, rehash everything Jenna Fredricks had said about me, then I’d let it go. I’d pick up my sketchbook and lose myself in the drawing of a dead tree while I tried to forget that Jenna even existed.





20

I turned back the way I’d come, my head down, my mind completely focused on the texture and shade of the dead tree I was already sketching in my mind. No colored pencils for this picture. There was going to be nothing but black charcoal intermingled with gray smudges.

I felt someone’s hands reach out and brush my arm in an attempt to stop me before I plowed her over. It didn’t work, and I found myself staring up at Molly, my books scattered everywhere.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, and quickly turned to look over my shoulder.

Molly shrugged and looked past me toward Maddy’s locker. I turned and followed her gaze, hoping to God Jenna wasn’t still standing there. The last thing I needed was an audience, an audience that Alex had insisted I play nice with.

“You okay?” she asked, her eyes still trained on Maddy’s locker.

“Yeah. I guess so.” I didn’t know whether she was referring to Jenna’s comments, the bathroom episode, or the accident in general. Probably a combination of all three. I quickly gathered my books and shoved them into my bag. “Were you … uh … listening to them?”

She nodded, and held out her hand to help me up. I took it, grateful that at least one of my sister’s friends didn’t seem to be completely self-absorbed.

Molly stood there staring at me, her lips parting as if she was debating whether or not to tell me something.

“What?” I said, wanting her to come out with it. I was tired of trying to piece things together, guessing my way through Maddy’s life. For once, I needed someone to tell me how it was.

“Nothing.”

I sighed and walked away, disgusted with myself for foolishly hoping one of Maddy’s friends could be honest.

“I ran into Jenna last weekend at the game.” The words spilled out of Molly’s mouth as if she wanted to say everything before she had a chance to change her mind. “They were standing outside by the field house. She didn’t see me there.”

I turned around to face her, fighting my curiosity to ask exactly who “they” were. I doubted it was Alex. He’d shown up at my house twenty minutes after the game ended, still wearing his grungy soccer cleats and grass-covered shorts. He smelled, too, like sweat and dirt.

“She was talking to Eva.”


The blank look on my face must have clued her in. “You know, the freshman? Crappy midfielder on the JV field hockey team? Idiot who actually thinks that hanging with Jenna will somehow get her a spot on the varsity team?” She tilted her head and stared at me when I didn’t respond. “You know, the one who was at your locker with Jenna?”

I nodded, grateful to finally have a name to put with the voice. Then I lied: “I know who she is. What about her?”

“She and Jenna were talking about Alex and how Jenna thinks he’s wasting his time with you.”

I shrugged. “So?”

“She’s after more than Alex, you know. Jenna wants the Snow Ball crown and since you haven’t played in almost a month, she is trying to get Coach to replace you as co-captain of the field hockey team. Jenna pretty much promised it to Eva. I felt like I should say something because—”

“My life already sucks?” I finished for her.

“Well, yeah. I didn’t want to see it get worse. I mean, I’ve been there. I know what it’s like.”

Been there? According to Alex, she was still there.

I watched her eyes glaze over and could tell she was remembering something that neither time nor distance could make disappear. I knew because it happened to me every day. Every hour. Every minute.

“That night at the party, you were crying,” I said. “Why?”