The Secrets We Keep(29)

I nodded because agreeing with him seemed like the logical thing to do.

“Seven more months and we’re out of here. We can start over and forget everything that happened. I can keep things together for you until then, but you’ve gotta stop trying to make amends with Molly and remember who you are, how you got here, and what you’ve been willing to do to make sure nobody, including Molly, stands in your way.”

Whatever this was, whatever lie my sister and Alex were covering up, I hadn’t agreed to it. I thought I could put on her clothes, sit in her classes, talk to her friends, and make everybody so happy she was alive that they’d overlook tiny mistakes I made here and there. But this was different. Complicated. Too complicated.

I stared at Alex, unable to speak, unable to wipe the look of sheer confusion from my face. I would have been more than happy to hand the crown of popularity over to Jenna and sink into the background. But what I wanted didn’t matter. The most important thing was keeping Maddy’s life intact, every piece of it, including this.

Alex caught the frustration on my face, his tone purposefully gentling as he pulled out his phone and started to dial my dad’s number. “Maybe your parents were right. Maybe it was too soon for you to come back to school. Maybe you should go and talk to the therapist with your parents, give yourself some more time before—”

“I don’t need to talk to anybody.” I reached for the phone and hit the Off button before the call connected to my father’s office. “I’m fine, Alex, honest. People are acting weird around me, and it makes me … I don’t know, edgy.” The words tumbled out as I desperately tried to bluff my way through the rest of the conversation. Until I figured out what I’d walked into, I needed to keep my cards close. Watch more and say less.

“Probably because you’re acting weird around them,” he said. The concern and confusion that had dampened his features for the past month were suddenly gone, the confident Alex I was used to seeing with Maddy back in place. “Plus, edgy is good. That’s what they’re used to. It’s freaking out in class and hiding in the bathroom that is going to get you in trouble.”

“I know,” I said, trying to sound convincing.

“Molly is where she is today because she didn’t have the strength that you do. And, she didn’t have me. There are plenty of people here willing to take your place. One wrong move and you’ll be exactly where she is now—at the bottom, staring up at where you used to be. I can help you, cover for you and keep you safe, make sure that doesn’t happen, but you gotta let me. You gotta stop shutting me out and talk to me before you lose it.”

I nodded. He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know.

“Listen, Maddy. You can fall apart at home with me if you have to, but I need you to hold it together while we’re here. If you can’t do that, then let me take you home, because trust me, it’s not worth undoing everything we’ve worked so hard to get.”

“I’m fine,” I said again as I hitched my backpack farther up on my shoulder. A chill raced along my spine as I considered my limited options—play the popular sister or go home. The choice was easy. For the foreseeable future, I’d keep my mouth shut, not talk to anybody but Alex, and, if I was smart, start paying better attention to the conversations going on around me. Clearly I’d missed something … a lot of things. And if I was going to survive this mess, I needed to learn about Maddy’s past, fast.

Until that epiphany hit, I’d focus on the small stuff. I’d avoid passing any American Lit tests by more than the bare minimum. I’d feign interest in choosing the color scheme for the Snow Ball, fake interest when Jenna went on about her dress, and come up with something catty to say about the ten pounds her sister had gained. I’d start treating everybody else the way I was used to Maddy treating me—with indifference.

“You have study hall next,” he reminded me.

“Umm hmm.” I knew Maddy’s schedule, made sure I had it memorized before I set foot in school.

“Try to say something nice to Jenna. She’s still bent out of shape that you have been avoiding her. But don’t mention her parents losing the house or her brother having to drop out of college and work at their uncle’s garage. She doesn’t want anybody to know, especially you. If she finds out I told you, she’ll never forgive me … or you.”

They could find another house, but Jenna’s brother—he was the pride and joy of the family. He’d graduated when we were freshmen and he’d gotten a scholarship to Notre Dame, the same school his father and grandfather graduated from. I’d met him once when he came to pick up Jenna at our house. He had seemed nice enough … nice enough that I actually felt bad for him.

“Ask her about what happened between her and Keith while you were out of school,” Alex added, and I stopped thinking about Jenna’s brother stocking parts at the garage to help with bills and focused on Alex’s words. “That will keep her talking for a while so you don’t have to.”

Alex spun me around and headed me in the opposite direction from him, a silent message to not screw up barely hidden in his voice: “I know it sucks, Maddy, but remember, the sooner things get back to normal, the better off we’ll both be.”





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