The Lesbiana's Guide to Catholic School(78)

The one time I want Cesar to invite himself, he doesn’t care. It’s Valentine’s Day, and I’m afraid it might feel like a double date, since David and Amber are all cupcakey. I don’t know how to feel about that.

As soon as Mom drops Cesar and me off at school, I walk straight to Bo’s car in the back of the parking lot. It’s already parked, so I hop into the passenger seat and wait for Amber and David to join us.

“So, what’s the plan?” I ask.

“You’ll seeee,” she sings. “It will be fun, I promise.”

We get a group text from Amber.

Amber: My mom has to gas up, so David and I are running late. Be there soon

The longer we wait for them, the more likely we are to get caught. We’re sitting ducks in the school parking lot, waiting for someone to notice we aren’t going to class. Common sense should have told them to get here early so no one would try to stop them from meeting us.

When the first bell rings, our chances of getting caught rise exponentially. I send them a text.

Yami: Um, how late exactly?

The campus police officer sees us.

“Shit, we got to go,” I say.

“It’s fine, he probably thinks we just got here. He’ll get distracted in a minute.”

I sigh. Amber and David better hurry the hell up before we get caught.

The cop doesn’t get distracted. He’s walking toward us.

“Shit, shit, shit, GO!” I yell. Bo screams like she’s being murdered instead of driving. I pull down the visors so we don’t get recognized. The cop is only a few yards away when she finally slams on the gas. Now we’re both screaming, because she’s driving right toward him. He leaps out of the way. I can barely hear him yelling over the sounds of both of us shrieking. We race over all the speed bumps and somehow make it out of the lot in one piece.

Then we start dying laughing. Bo has to pull over so we don’t crash.

“Oh my God, my heart!” She thumps her hand on her chest to show how fast her heart is beating.

“I can’t believe you almost ran over a cop!”

“I’m sorry! I panicked!”

I laugh until it’s nothing but a silent wheeze. My sides hurt and there are tears coming out of my eyes. Bo has one of those laugh-screams you can only have when you’re laughing so hard it’s bad for your health. She does this shriek thing on the inhale that just makes me laugh harder. Every time I think I’m done laughing, she makes that noise, and I fall right back in another laughing spell. We cackle for a solid five minutes before we finally calm down. We’re both panting and crying, and I definitely got my ab workout in for the week.

I’m finally chilled out enough to check the texts Amber sent us.

Amber: Saw you guys try to run over Officer Jim! I laughed so hard we got caught trying to leave.

Amber: He made us go to class You should have run him over.

Amber: jk FBI if you’re reading this it was a joke please don’t arrest me

I laugh again and show Bo the texts.

“Looks like it’s just us today,” I say, sure that I’m sweating and my brain is malfunctioning.

Bo and me??? Alone??? Valentine’s Day??? DATE???

“Sorry, is that okay?” she asks.

I clear my throat. “I mean, we kind of committed to ditching when you almost committed vehicular manslaughter.”

“Shit. Do you think he took down my license plate? What if he recognizes my car?”

“I think he was a little too busy trying not to get run over to take down your license plate.”

“Okay, true. Anyway, if you’re down to go without them, then I’m down. It’s your late birthday, after all.” She smiles.

“I’m down. It sucks they can’t come, but I still want to do whatever you guys had planned for me. Which is . . . ?”

“First is breakfast.” Bo pulls back onto the road.

We end up at a board game café. Bo wants me to pick the game, and I suck at deciding, so we pick randomly. We end up with Monopoly and Connect Four.

When the server comes to our table, he gives us a weird look.

“Shouldn’t you kids be in school?”

Shit. We’re still in our uniforms.

“Uhhh . . .” Bo is usually good with her words, but apparently improv isn’t her thing.

“It’s a late start today. We still need a minute to look at the menus,” I say.

“Oh, all right . . .” He doesn’t look like he’s buying it. “I’ll come back in a few.”

He’s talking to someone behind the bar, and I know it’s probably nothing, but I’m picturing they’re conspiring to get us sent back to school.

“Go, go, go, go, go!” Bo grabs my arm and pulls me away from the table. We run out of the café at full speed. It’s fun to pretend like the stakes are much higher than they are. We’re two secret agents on a mission. Can’t blow our cover. We get into the car and retreat.

“We should go to my house and get some civilian clothes,” Bo says in a super-sexy spy voice that makes me shudder.

“Won’t your dad be home?” I ask, remembering that Rick is a stay-at-home dad.

“He usually goes to Starbucks in the morning, so he’s probably not back yet. We’ll have to make it quick, though.”