The Lesbiana's Guide to Catholic School(81)

“Yami?” Bianca calls out just when I think I’m in the clear. Bo turns her head, which kind of blows my whole pretending-Bianca-doesn’t-exist cover. I keep walking.

“I think someone’s calling you?” Bo says.

“Nope, didn’t hear anything.” I walk faster, pulling Bo along with me.

“Yami!” Bianca’s voice is closer now, and before I know it, she’s grabbing my shoulder.

I finally let go of Bo’s hand and snatch at Bianca’s.

“Oh, don’t touch me,” I say as I throw her hand off my shoulder. Seriously, how dare she?

“Sorry.” Bianca puts her hands up. “It’s been forever. . . . I’m glad you, um, moved on.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I moved on a long time ago,” I say, and smile at Bo, just with my eyes. I’m not doing it because of Bianca, either. I guess I’m trying to tell Bo something right now. Maybe she can figure it all out right now, and maybe I want her to. I want this to be a sweet moment between us, but one of Bo’s eyes is twitching and the other is about to pop out of its socket.

“Okay, well . . . good. That’s good. I’m Bianca, by the way.” She gives Bo a smug smile, like she’s expecting Bo to be jealous, or to have at least heard of her, which she hasn’t.

“I’m Bo.” I’m relieved that Bo doesn’t try to hold a conversation. She must have caught on to how much I absolutely hate our current company. “We’re kind of in a hurry, but it was nice meeting you!” Bo says, then she offers me her hand. I take it, and we walk to the parking lot without looking back.

I’m sure Bianca’s face is priceless, but I’d rather look at Bo.

“So . . . do you want to tell me what just happened?” Bo asks when we’re out of Bianca’s earshot.

“Not right now,” I say. I won’t let Bianca ruin my mood for one second. When we leave the mall, the sun’s already been down for about an hour. We stand outside Bo’s car for a minute, still holding hands.

“Can I drive you home?” she asks.

I hesitate. Not because I don’t want her to, but because I do, and it’s a big deal. So for the first time, I let Bo take me home.

I thought having Bo sitting outside my house would be embarrassing, but it’s not. It’s one of the many details about myself I’ve been sharing with her. In the past few months, I’ve gotten to know her so much better, and it only feels fair that she can know some things about me, too. I want to tell her other things, like how gay and into her I am, but I’ll take it one step at a time.

I don’t get out of the car when it stops. I don’t want today to be over yet, and I’m hoping Bo doesn’t, either. Jamal’s car is in the driveway instead of my mom’s, which means she’s still at work, so I’m in no hurry to get inside. I’m happy that they’ve finally realized they are perfect for each other. If they’re working things out right now, I don’t want to interrupt.

“So, how did it feel to be gay for a day?” Bo laughs.

“What?” is all I can say, because I can’t bring myself to admit to her I’m gay every day.

“Everyone thought we were a couple, because it’s Valentine’s Day?” she says, and I think me asking for clarification made it awkward. “Sorry, I hope that didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

I hate that she’s scared of me being uncomfortable again. I thought we were past that. But I’ve been afraid of making her uncomfortable all day, so I can’t blame her.

I’m feeling brave all of a sudden. Her hand is resting on the console, so I reach over and slip my hand into hers. Because I’m not uncomfortable with her. Not even a little.

“I’m comfortable,” I whisper. “Are you?”

I don’t know if I’m doing it of my own free will, or if Bo is just like a magnet because of those eyes of hers, but I’m leaning forward. And so is she.

Her forehead touches mine. I close my eyes. My breath stutters, and our faces are so close I’m sure she can feel the air from my mouth.

Be brave.

“Can I . . . ?” I start breathlessly.

“Please.”

I stop resisting the magnetic pull and eagerly close the space between our lips. Kissing Bo is like being in a sensory deprivation tank. The world around us disappears, and the soft sensation of her lips on mine is the only thing tethering me to this plane of existence, keeping me from floating away to the clouds. I hold my breath as if doing so could stop time, keeping us right here in this moment. This moment where nothing else matters. None of the lies I’ve told can touch us, until I have to breathe again.

“I lied to you,” I blurt out, pulling away. Maybe there’s a good reason I tend to overthink things. I shouldn’t have kissed her, but there’s no turning back now. I brace myself for her anger. I trust Bo, but she trusted me, too. . . . I hear Bianca’s voice in my head.

I trusted you . . . how could you do this to me?

“What?” Her eyes flutter open, like she needs a second to get back to reality and register what I said.

“About being straight . . .” I know the kiss probably tipped her off, but I need to say it. “I’m not.”

“Yeah, I know.” I’m not even surprised she knows. After what happened with Bianca today, how could she not? “I lied to you too. . . . I don’t have a girlfriend.”