The Lesbiana's Guide to Catholic School(80)

“Is this okay?” Bo whispers to me as we leave the store. Cheeks red, she looks down at our intertwined hands, and I realize how big a deal it is.

“Yeah,” I say, surprising myself at how I didn’t even have to think about it. “Better to stay in character. In case, like . . . she looks back at us, or something.”

Bo smiles her crooked smile at me, and we hold hands all the way through the parking lot.

Once we’re in the privacy of Bo’s car, we empty our bags to reveal the treasure. It’s supposed to be an appetizer before we eat at the mall, but it’s a decent amount of food and it’s actually pretty filling.

“Sorry about your phone. Does it still work?” Bo asks.

“Doubt it.” I get out my phone to show her. The screen is all kinds of messed-up colors. It almost looks pretty. Right now, though, I don’t even care that it’s broken. I won’t have to worry about my mom’s wrath until I get home. She’ll kill me for ditching, but that’s a problem for later. Now I’ll worry about how someone just assumed I was in a relationship with Bo and I didn’t self-destruct. She knew we were gay and it didn’t even bother me at all. It was just a stranger, but I felt seen. And I liked it.

“I didn’t even realize it was Valentine’s Day,” I say, even though I definitely did realize it. I immediately want to disappear into the seat, because I’m wearing heart earrings. Bo definitely knows I’m lying, but she doesn’t say anything. Part of me actually wonders if David and Amber ditched us on purpose just to set us up. Amber has been trying to get Bo a girlfriend forever. And since Jamie doesn’t exist . . . I wonder if Bo was in on it. Maybe this is all supposed to be a date?

“Yeah, that’s why I asked if it was okay with you that it was just us. I didn’t want to make it weird.” Okay, so not a date then. Just two friends not being weird.

“Oh, okay. Yeah, I don’t think it’s weird. I do birthday stuff on Valentine’s Day all the time.” Lie. I do birthday stuff on my birthday.

Bo smiles at me with just her eyes, and I swear we’re flirting right now. But maybe that’s just me.

Next stop is the arcade at the outlet mall on my side of town. It’s as close to my house as I’ve ever let Bo take me. It’s hard to focus on playing games when I’m overthinking whether or not this is a date. I mean, I know it’s not supposed to be a date. But I wonder if it feels like one to her. We do some date-like things. There’s a lot of laughing and playful arm touching. She wins me a bunch of prizes from the games she plays. It’s cheesy, but I have cosquillitas fluttering around in my belly the whole time. The day goes so fast with her.

When we sit to eat at the arcade restaurant for dinner she says something that makes my heart stop.

“Hey, do you want to be my girlfriend again?” she asks, while casually showing me the menu like she didn’t just flip my whole world on its side.

“What?” I ask, to make sure I heard correctly. There’s no way Bo just asked me out.

She points to the menu and laughs. There are bold letters saying they offer free ice cream on Valentine’s Day to couples who buy any of the arcade food. I try not to visibly sink, because when I thought she was asking me out for real, I wasn’t even scared.

“Oh!” I clear my throat. “Yes! For the ice cream.”

We play up the assumption that we’re together one more time. I’m nervous to do anything more than hold hands, since I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. What gets me feeling some type of way about it is that we keep holding hands when no one is looking. I’m not going to be the one to let go, and apparently neither is she, so we leave still holding hands.

Ice cream cones in our free hands, we walk around the mall flaunting our fake relationship. Bo seems to have completely forgotten about her other fake girlfriend. She’s an even worse liar than I am. The fear of looking “too gay” usually makes my stomach roll, but right now I’m too excited to think straight. I don’t want to ruin this by thinking “straight.”

Bo has this big smile on her face, and every now and then she starts swinging our arms like we’re little kids. She’s too cute sometimes. All the time. I feel like a child with her. I know I’m still technically a kid, but I already can’t wait to retire. Because of all the work and homework and stress, I’m surprised I don’t already have a full head of gray hair. It’s different with Bo, though. I feel like a kid. Like anything is possible if I can imagine it.

Pretending with Bo is so different than pretending with Jamal. When Jamal held my hand, it didn’t warm the rest of my body or make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. We never held hands longer than we had to. No one gave us weird looks like they are now. Somehow even that doesn’t bother me.

I feel like I’m soaring, until I see the one person with the power to bring me crashing back down.





21


Thou Shalt Step On Legos, Bitch


Bianca.

We’re walking right in her direction and it’s too late to turn around. Instead of trying to hide, I hold Bo’s hand tighter. I want Bianca to see this. Bo gives me a curious look, and all I can do is smile at her. Because fuck Bianca. I’m happy right now, and not even she can ruin that.

From the corner of my eye, I can tell by how far Bianca’s jaw is hanging that she has very much noticed us by now. Is she jealous? It must be pretty earth-shattering for her to realize she isn’t still the center of my universe. Not that she ever was. Bo and I walk right past her, and I don’t even give her a second look.