Riding With Brighton(73)

“You know what, Brighton? I don’t think I do.”

“Of course you do.” I lean up on my elbow and look down at him. I run a finger along his forehead and down the side of his face. “You need to get some sleep. I really shouldn’t have woken you.”

“What if I don’t want to sleep?” he asks, turning and running his fingers down my side, over my hip, then to the top of my thigh.

“Don’t start with me, Jay. That’s not what you need right now. You need to sleep. I do too.”

“Are you leaving me?” he whispers.

“Not right now. After you fall asleep.”

“Yeah… okay,” he says, and I can hear the exhaustion in his voice. “If I take my clothes off, is that going to be too much for you to handle? I don’t usually sleep in jeans.”

I smile, then lean down so I can kiss his lips. “I’ll try to restrain myself.”

He sits up so he can pull his shirt over his head before pulling his jeans off and throwing them on the floor. He gets under his sheet and comforter and looks at me. “Are you coming?”

“I might have been lying about the restraint. I should probably stay on top of the sheets.”

“Please,” he whispers. “I promise I won’t try anything. I just want to feel you next to me.”

“Honestly, Jay… it’s really hard to say no to you.” I stand, pull the bedding back, and climb in next to him. I try really hard, for at least a few seconds, to just lie by him, but it’s pointless. My hand, all on its own, finds its way to his stomach where my fingers stroke a lazy path across his abs.

“I’m sorry about tonight,” he whispers into the darkness.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”

“I’m sorry for shutting you out and then freaking out the way I did. This is so much harder when you’re not right here next to me. I don’t know how long it’s gonna be until I can do this on my own.”

“You don’t have to do this on your own. I mean, you can. I know you can. But if you don’t want to do it on your own, I’m here. The farthest away I’ll ever be is a phone call.”

He turns under my arm so his back is facing me. He grabs on to my hand and pulls it over him so I’m spooning him. “Thanks,” he whispers. The exhaustion is clear in his voice now.

I bury my nose in the nape of his neck and inhale. I’m pretty damn tired myself. And comfortable. But I know I can’t fall asleep. I know I can’t get caught in his bed.

“Stay here with me until I fall asleep.”

“I won’t leave,” I promise.

“You have to leave. Promise me you’ll leave.”

I laugh quietly into the back of his neck. “I promise—I’ll leave.”

“But not until I’m asleep.”

“Not until you’re asleep.”

“It’s still totally surreal, you know,” he whispers.

“What is?” I whisper back.

“That you, Brighton Bello-Adler, are here. With me.”

“I agree. It totally feels like a dream.”

“But it’s not.”

“No, Jay, it’s not. All the bad parts, and all the really good parts—it’s all real. You okay with that?”

He inhales deeply and pulls me closer to him. “I’m not okay with that. I’m done being fine… okay… whatever. I’m ready to start feeling things. All the really good stuff. And all the bad stuff too. I’m ready to finally feel. That’s what living is about, right?”

I pinch my eyes closed and hold him as tight as I possibly can. His question isn’t rhetorical, it’s real. The idea that he doesn’t know what living feels like is devastating. The fact that he’s about to find out is beautiful, and I’m gonna do everything I possibly can to ensure I get to do that living with him. “Yeah, Jay. That’s what living is all about.”





Epilogue


Jay



SO YEAH, like I was saying, on Friday I woke up ready to change my entire life. I was spurred on by what I thought was an epiphany. But in the end, it was just a piece of paper that ended up spinning my life into a series of vomit-inducing circles before sending it into some weird alternate universe where I found a gay kid who looked a hell of a lot like me. It was awkward at first, but eventually the cyclone leveled off into a nice little trip that Brighton went on with me.

Saturday was an epic day in the life of Jay Hall. Yeah, I’m talking about myself in the third person because that’s what you get to do after you’ve lived an epic day. The scary thing is, I could have totally not had that epic day. That piece of paper could have meant nothing. It could have just remained a piece of paper. But I took a chance and called the number. And now, three days after I decided to take that chance everything has changed.

Oh, wait. Shit. You probably wanted to hear what’s happening like a year from now, right? Like a nice little update finding Brighton and me at the same college, in our shared dorm room that we’ve converted into a love den. Maybe we’re lying on our bed, discussing how much we love each other and how awesome it is that I’m following my dream of becoming a writer. Then Brighton tells me a cute story about the kids at the inner-city art program he started with the time he has to spare from working on his music and making love to me.