Riding With Brighton(69)

“What do you want me to do?” I plead.

He opens his eyes and tears fall down his face. “Leave. Just go, before she does.”

I can feel my face mirroring his. Would she really do that? Would she really leave? Did I really just destroy my family?

“If you can’t back me up on this, if you can’t see how much this is killing me, then I can’t do this with you. You’re not the man I thought you were,” I hear my mom say as if she’s answering my silent question.

I wait for my dad’s response, but nothing comes.

And then she tears out of his office, her face, once again, red from crying. When she sees me, she stops in her tracks and stares at me, shaking her head just like Ty was.

“Mom, please. Please, talk to me.”

“What do you want me to say, Jay? I’m never going to accept this. I’m never going to be okay with this.”

“Why? Why can’t you try to accept this? Why can’t you just talk to me and try to understand?”

“It’s not natural, Jay. I did everything I could for you and one kid comes along and ruins all of it.”

“Mom, it’s not his fault. He didn’t turn me gay. I’ve been gay. I’ve always been gay.”

“No, Jay. You haven’t. Yesterday you had a girlfriend. Yesterday you were in love with a girl.”

“No, Mom, I wasn’t. Yesterday I was not in love with a girl. I’ve never been in love with a girl. Yesterday I finally found the courage to be who I am. Yesterday was the first day I was finally free to be me. Yesterday was the best day of my life. Yesterday was the first time I felt truly happy in a long time. I need you to see that, Mom. I need you forgive me. I want you to want me to be happy.”

She adamantly shakes her head. “No, Jay. Not like this. If this is the life you’re choosing, then no, I don’t want to see you happy.”

Her words feel like a punch to the gut. I don’t know what to say to her. All I can do is stare at her, my mom, and look at the hate in her eyes. She doesn’t want me to be happy if it means that I’m gay.

“Kimberly,” my dad says, coming up behind her. “You need to stop. I won’t allow you to talk to him like that.”

She turns to him. “I can’t do this, Tom. I can’t pretend like I’m okay with this. I can’t even look at him. I can’t even look at you.” She storms off past him, grabbing her keys off the entryway table.

“Kim, where are you going? You can’t keep running. You can’t run away from this anymore.”

She doesn’t respond. She just walks out the door, slamming it behind her.

All three of us stare silently at the closed door.

“I hate you,” Ty mutters under his breath, taking off past me and up the stairs.

I can’t even be mad at that ’cause right now I hate me too.





Chapter Twenty


Brighton



I CAN’T talk right now. I’m ok but I can’t talk.

That’s what I’ve gotten from Jay tonight. He didn’t respond to the ten texts I’ve sent in return. His phone is going straight to voice mail. He took down his Instagram account—what the hell is going on?

God, I can’t handle this. And now all my fears are back. He’s not mine. He’s choosing to go back in the closet. He’s never gonna speak to me again. I was wrong, considering that it would be a good idea to give love another shot.

I haven’t left my room since I got home. I’m ignoring the calls I get from my friends. My family knows enough to leave me alone for right now. There’s nothing they can say to me that will ease my worries. I just hope he’s okay. I can only assume he’s not.

I keep looking at the photos I took, wondering if it’s the only proof I’ll have that it was all real.

I shut the photos down and go back to the texting stream.

You’re killing me. I’m gonna try to get some sleep, but that’s probably not gonna happen. Not until I know what the hell is going on.

I stare at my phone for five more minutes, becoming more dejected with every passing second. And then the little dots appear, letting me know he’s responding. Immediately, my heart kicks into overdrive. I don’t really care if he tells me he can’t handle this and he’s going back to the straight life. I just need something from him. Anything. I need to see some words that will make me believe he’s okay.

What have I done to my family? are the words that finally appear.

My chest immediately hurts. What the hell happened there after I left?

I can’t live with what I’ve done.

I open up my phone and call him. What the hell is going through his head right now? It rings four times before he finally answers. “Brighton, I can’t. Not now.” Jesus, he sounds wrecked. The pain in his voice is so clear.

“What can’t you do?” I whisper.

“I can’t talk about this right now. I can’t talk to you. If I do, you’ll make me smile. I’ll think about you, and it will make me happy. And I don’t get to be happy. Not right now.”

“Jay, what the hell happened?”

All I hear on the other line is a long exasperated sigh.

“If it’s bad, it can only get better.”