Riding With Brighton(68)

Responses come in immediately—again from people who I don’t know, who Brighton probably doesn’t know either: Too bad, doesn’t look like he’s straight, #poser, #inthecloset, #livinthestraightlife, Hey Brighton… I’m totally gay.

Now I’m getting pissed. Like I’m not gay enough. Like I’m ashamed. Like I’m not good enough for Brighton.

I grab my phone and do the thing I’ve thought about doing a hundred times. I open up the app and click the Create an Account button. I use the photo Brighton posted of me as my profile pic, then go back to Brighton’s page.

The comments are still pouring in. Most of them happy that Brighton’s potential love interest is straight, plenty of them disappointed that they’re not gonna see pictures of the two of us together. I want to give them that even though I know I probably shouldn’t. But… fuck it.

I go back to my profile and scroll through the photos Brighton texted me. They’re all pretty damn intimate, but there’s one where you can see both of our faces pretty clearly and that’s about it. Just our mouths kissing. I post it with the comment Yay, Jay’s gay! and tag Brighton. And then panic. Immediately.

Comments are coming in on the new photo fast and furious. More about me being confused and in the closet and not good enough for Brighton. Kari posts that it’s disgusting, and I smile when a barrage of comments come in calling her ignorant and a bigot and jealous. After that the comments are leaning toward pro Brighton and Jay.

And then Brighton comments. Fuck yeah, Jay’s gay. Yaaaaay!!!

I smile. And then my phone rings. When I see Brighton’s name, I answer it.

“Hey.”

“Hey?” he says, and he sounds confused. Oh shit. Is he pissed that I posted that?

“Yeah… hey. What’s up?”

“Nothing. I’m just a little surprised that you’re so busy on Instagram. Have you seen your mom since I left?”

“Um, no. I don’t think she’s home yet.”

“She’s home, Jay. She caught me leaving your house.”

“Oh shit. What did she say to you?”

“Well, she’s not happy with me. I’m surprised she didn’t bust in there and tear your head off.”

I reach up and turn down my stereo. Sure as shit, I can hear her yelling at Dad from all the way across the house. “Shit,” I mutter. “You’re right. She’s home. And yelling at my dad. Shit.”

“I’m sorry about that. I tried to talk to her.”

“It’s not your fault. I should get down there, though. My dad’s the one she’s gonna blame.”

I hear him exhale a long breath. “Yeah, okay. Can you please call me as soon as whatever’s gonna happen happens?”

“Yeah,” I tell him, my finger hovering on the End button.

“Hey,” he says.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks… for posting that picture. For not being ashamed of us… of me. Call me.”

I smile for a moment. And then the line goes dead. And my mom’s voice infiltrates my head again.

I head downstairs and toward the argument. Ty’s in the living room, pacing the floor. When he sees me, he stops and stares. The anger in his eyes is obvious. I stare back at him for a minute as we listen to our parents arguing.

“How am I supposed to stop this when you’re letting that boy into our home?” she yells at him.

“You can’t stop this. Can’t you see that? Don’t you understand what you’re trying to do to him?”

“He’s not gay, Tom. He’s confused. It’s that kid. That kid that you let into our home,” she screams.

“He is gay, Kim. And the sooner you can accept this, the sooner we can all finally start living a normal life. One that’s not ruled by your insanity,” he screams back. I’ve never heard Dad scream. Ever.

“Is that what you think? You think I’m insane? He ruined my life, Tom. I will never forgive him. My father gave me up. He gave his life up so that he could sleep with men. I thought you understood. I thought you were on my side, but clearly you’ve been lying to me too. Clearly my life with you has been a lie too.”

“Stop it, Kimberly. Just stop it. I love you. All I’ve done is love you and try to make you happy. What you’re doing is tearing us apart. The two of us and this family. It has to end. You have to forgive him. You have to move on. Your dad loves you. Jay loves you. I love you. You have to stop fighting us.”

“Don’t you dare tell me that. My dad loves me? Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“How can you do that to someone you love? He doesn’t love anyone but himself. He’s a selfish godless man, and if you’re willing to accept this, if you’re taking Jay’s side, then you’re selfish and godless too.”

“I am taking his side because he didn’t do anything wrong. He’s my son and I love him, and he needs us right now. Why can’t you see that?”

Jesus, this is hell. Listening to them self-destruct. Over me. While my baby brother stands in front of me, his fists clenched. His angry face shaking in disbelief.

“I didn’t want this to happen. I don’t want them to fight,” I tell Ty, taking a step toward him.

He takes a step back, and his eyes cinch closed. “She’s right. You’re selfish, like him. You ruined everything. You’re going to ruin her. You’re going to ruin them.”