Four Doors Down(69)

Oh my God. I’m stupid. I love him too!

A huge smile crosses my face. I can’t help it. I’m literally beaming.

Ryan lets out a breath he’s been holding and tentatively returns my smile. I take a step toward him and he meets me halfway. He takes my hand and I feel a shiver run up my spine. We stand like this for a few minutes, just grinning at each other like idiots, soaking each other in, seeing each other in a different way.

Then he hesitantly leans forward to kiss me, slowly, giving me the chance to pull away if I want to. I step forward, pressing my lips to his and wrapping my arms around him and pulling him into me.

Everything just feels right.

We should have done this year’s ago.





I walk out of my coach’s office still grinning like an idiot. There’s no hiding it; I’m crazy happy. I never thought it would ever happen with Becca. I’ve wanted her for as long as I can remember and now she’s finally mine. I can’t even believe it.

I remember the moment I realized that I loved her. We had just started high school and I knew I liked her. I knew her ignoring me gave me a weird ache in my stomach, but I didn’t recognize it as love.

I had been sitting at a table in the cafeteria along with some of the guys from the football team. The older guys had been checking out the new “talent,” as they called it. Seeing which girls in the incoming freshmen class were the hottest and who would be worth talking to. They’d already seen a dozen girls that they were interested in when Billy Jameson, this arrogant junior, whistled under his breath and demanded, “Who is that?”

I knew just by looking at him he’d spotted Becca. I already knew where she was sitting—I looked for her the minute we walked into the cafeteria—and he was looking that way. Becca had always been pretty, but she had changed over the summer, grown taller, had a tan, her hair was longer and was impossibly shiny and she had started to gain some curves. She was generally looking incredibly hot. I’d been dreading anyone but me noticing it.

Jake, Mason, and John turned to see where he was looking and then as a group turned to look at me. Even back then they had an idea of how I felt about her. Billy noticed and glanced at me. “You know her, Jackson?”

I just shrugged and took a bite out of my burger.

“So who is she then?”

“Becca McKenzie,” I replied.

“Is she yours?” God, he was a prick. Like anyone could own anyone, especially Becca. And no matter how much I wanted her to be mine, I knew that she wasn’t.

I had shaken my head, refusing to look at Jake. At that moment, Becca jumped up and I could see she had knocked her juice all over herself. She picked up some napkins and started dabbing at her shirt, lifting it up to inspect it. I swear, I think I audibly swallowed, catching a glimpse of her flat stomach, and I know I wasn’t the only one looking. She glanced up and caught us all looking, instantly dropped her shirt, and sat back down looking away.

“Dibs!” Billy announced making everyone laugh, although I could feel people looking at me too, wondering what the story was there.

I then spent the next few weeks watching him make his move on her. She never looked particularly interested, but when I saw her by her locker laughing at something he had said, it had made me feel sick. He announced a few days later at the end of practice that he had a date with her that Friday.

I was surprised when they showed up at the cookout and as she walked up next to him holding his hand, I felt a jealousy so intense it shocked me. When she excused herself, I headed over to him and the few people he’d been standing with. I didn’t care what I said, I just wanted him to be put off, so I insulted her as best I could, not knowing she was listening in. I actually didn’t know about the bet they had made and there is no way I would have let them go through with it, but then she stepped out of the shadows and I knew she’d heard everything.

I could see that she was trying to control her emotions, that what she’d heard had hurt and humiliated her. I thought for a second she was going to crack, that she was going to lose it, but of course, she didn’t. Becca is so good at hiding her emotions, at pulling it together, that she just calmly made it clear that she would never speak to Billy again. Then she looked at me with utter loathing and walked away.

Jake went crazy when he heard what happened. He hadn’t been there, but Mason filled him in on the details and told him exactly what had been said.

“What the hell, Ryan? Why would you do that to her? This is Becca we’re talking about. Not some random girl,” he demanded.

“Yes, I know. I didn’t know she was listening,” I fired back, getting irritated. I didn’t need reminding of how badly I had acted.

“This is how you think you’re going to get her to like you again? You would actually have let them bet on sleeping with her? Fuck, Ryan, what is wrong with you?”

“Shut up,” I growled back, stepping closer to him, my fists were actually clenched at my sides. “I didn’t know about the stupid bet. What do you care anyway? I know you like her, just come out and admit it.”

He had shaken his head in disgust at me. “Yes, I like Becca, she’s my friend. We’ve been friends for years and years. But why don’t we talk about how you feel about her? You think I don’t see you staring at her? Why don’t you just grow up and admit how you actually feel and not treat her like shit.”