With This Heart(56)

I stared down at him, pushing my tongue to the bridge of my mouth whenever he circled closer to a sensitive part. Tingles spread from where his tongue met my skin. My hands fell back against the wall, trying in vain to grasp the flat surface. He finally flicked his tongue across my clit, slowly and teasingly, making sure I was more than ready for him to enter me. I needed something to balance it out, but I couldn’t find anything. My knees started to buckle and Beck paused to look up at me with a cocky grin.


“ Beck!” I moaned, pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes, unsure of what I needed. I didn’t want his mouth to budge, but I wanted to dig my heels into his back as he pushed me against the wall. I wanted to experience the life that Caroline never did. I couldn’t waste the moment life had presented for me on a silver platter.

I heard a crinkle of paper and dropped my hands to see Beck rolling the condom onto himself. His abs flexed as he bent forward to slide it on and I gawked like a fool. It was the sexiest and most terrifying thing I’d ever seen. I had no clue what I’d actually agreed to, and now that it was about to happen, fear spiked my blood and turned my heart rate up another notch.

“ Beck, this is going to hurt, I know it is,” I rambled with shaky hands. “Crap.” Then I started laughing because I said crap right before I was about to lose my virginity. I thought it was supposed to be more romantic than that and I was ruining it. I tried to shake out my nerves, but it didn’t help. I couldn’t get out of my own brain.

Before I knew what was happening, Beck had his hands around my body and was carrying me away from our pile of clothes. Our naked bodies pressed together as he dragged me through a doorway and playfully tossed me back onto his bed. My head fell onto a sea of pillows and my smile was too wide to contain. A fresh clean laundry scent swirled around me.

“ We’re going to do this the slow and easy way, Abby. I’m not going to take you against the wall when you’re shaking.” I couldn’t argue with that. My playful, goofy Beck had left the building entirely. This Beck looked like he was about to attack me and I gulped, staring up into his dark hazel eyes.

He was still hard, wearing the condom proudly as he dipped lower to crawl over me. Each touch of his skin meeting mine completed the current of electricity running between us and I could feel our skin crackle. His chest hit my legs, his mouth found my hip bone and my lower belly. His lips teased every nerve ending they touched. My hands clawed his sheets. I didn’t even register the color of his bedding or the details of his room. All of that existed on the fringe, in the periphery of my consciousness.

His hand trailed up my thigh, and his finger sunk into me, testing how ready I was. It was such a sexy move, but it also scared the crap out of me.

“ Uh, Beck,” I murmured, and he looked up to meet my eyes. “I’m excited…I really am, but I also feel like I might cry or puke or something.” My lips twisted into a playful frown.

It wasn’t about being ready. I was more than ready, and I was confident in my decision to lose my virginity, but my brain wouldn’t shut up. I couldn’t just live in the moment.

His features relaxed instantly and his once dark hazel eyes lightened to their usual luster. “I think we’re being too serious about it.”

“ Maybe so…I mean I know your penis is meant to fit inside of me, but it just looks really… big .”

He barked out a laugh and let his forehead fall onto mine. “It will fit, Abby.”

“ Are you calling me loose?” I laughed.

He pecked my lips. “You’re so ridiculous.”

When he rested his forehead against mine his body had shifted over me. We were perfectly aligned. His hips were pressing mine down into the bed so seductively. His mouth captured mine so that his tongue and hips moved in the same rhythm. He was driving me insane.

“ Okay, okay, I want you to do it. Please.” My breathing picked up and I could feel my heart thumping against his chest.

He grinned down at me. His eyes held mine in a sweet exchange as he reached between our two bodies and worked the head of his penis inside of me. It felt foreign and much, much too big, but then I realized I was clenching every muscle in my body, including my jaw.

Beck held up his weight, but let his mouth fall against my ear. “Relax, Abby. Relax.” His words were soft and sweet and I found myself heeding his instructions. I took a deep breath and he pressed into me another centimeter. One more deep breath.

It hurt like hell. Television and movies have it completely f*cking wrong. It felt like my skin was tearing and I couldn’t breathe. I could only concentrate on the excruciating pain.

“ Beck, I don’t know. I don’t know,” I kept repeating because I didn’t know what was supposed to happen. It didn’t feel good and I knew it was a vicious cycle. The pain made me tense up more and then the less relaxed I became, the more it hurt.

“ Abby,” Beck whispered into my ear, shushing me and calming my erratic heart. “Stay with me, Abby. Relax and breathe. Your body is ready. There’s lube on the condom, but you have to relax.”

I was about to argue and tell him how badly it was hurting, but then I took a deep breath, and in that moment the pain seemed to lessen. He was more than halfway inside of me and the worst of it was over. Each passing breath took with it the remnants of the pain. Beck kissed my neck and coaxed my hips wider apart and circled his fingers over me a few millimeters above where he was penetrating me. It was like a whole new world of pleasure unfurled before me. He was reminding me of why we were doing this in the first place. The feel of his fingers rubbing me as he slid into me hit me like a bolt of lightning and I moaned his name. Loud and unrestrained.