With This Heart(52)

When Neil’s voice trailed off and the song ended, I stood there for a moment, gathering my resolve and tucking my grief away for now.


One moment it was silent and then in the next life carried on. Caroline’s mom welcomed everyone to her house for food and drinks, and people began standing up and chattering amongst themselves.

I picked up the cardboard cutout and my stuff, and then kept walking until I reached the last row of seats. Beck stood to greet me and I took in his handsome features. He ran his hand under his cleanly-shaven chin, taking me in from my kitten heels to my sad smile.

When our eyes locked, I exhaled a deep breath, letting it carry away everything: a pound of immense sadness, my worry that things with Beck had changed, and the nerves from speaking about Caroline while attempting to hold it together. It was the feeling you get when you fall face first into bed after a long day. That’s what being near Beck felt like.

He stepped toward me, stuffing his hands in the pant pockets of his form-fitting suit, and offered me a sad smile. People shuffled around us, making their way to their cars. But we stood there, communicating without words and letting the moment sink in. I ran my fingers through my long hair and tilted my head to the side.

“ I missed you,” he offered quietly.

I smiled despite the circumstances. “I kissed a gay guy and I judged a strip-off at a gay club.”

His features morphed from thoughtful repose to complete shock, mixed with humor in a matter of milliseconds.

“ Wow.” He cocked his eyebrows.

“ Are you mad?” I asked. My hand was still wrapped around cardboard Orlando Bloom.

He shook his head and stepped closer. “I’m impressed . That must have taken some skill. Was he a better kisser than me?”

I thought back. “His lips tasted like strawberries and I was just tipsy enough to convince myself that he looked a little bit like you.”

Beck rocked back on his heels and laughed. “So… he had brown hair?”

I mashed my lips together and nodded. “That was the only similarity it turns out.”

Beck squeezed his eyes closed and laughed harder.

“ But, no. He wasn’t better than you,” I clarified, looking away to find my parents, or so I told myself. They were making their way over with confused expressions. Oh right, I was communicating with someone from the opposite sex.

“ That was such a good speech, Abs. Caroline would have loved it,” my dad offered when they reached me. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and tugged me closer, then looked up at Beck. There was an awkward silence for a moment before I realized I was meant to introduce everyone.

“ Um, Mom and Dad, this is Beck.”

“ Oh!” my mom clapped her hands together in recognition of his name. I guess it wasn’t hard to remember the one guy that had ever answered my phone.

“ Hi Mrs. McAllister, Mr. McAllister.” Beck offered his hand respectfully. I chanced a glance up to my mom to see her beaming from ear to ear.

“ So you’re the boy that whisked my daughter away on a secret road trip?” My dad joked, but his tone held an edge of sternness.

“ Paul!” My mother swatted my dad’s arm playfully.

“ Actually your daughter whisked me away on a road trip.” Beck shot me a private smile.

I just gripped Orlando Bloom and prayed that he would come to life and save us from this awkward moment.

“ Will you be joining us at the Pruett’s house?” my mom asked with a hopeful glint in her eye. Shouldn’t she hate him? Sure, maybe it wasn’t his idea to go on a road trip, but he was still a young guy who was most likely a bad influence on me.

His gaze flitted from mine toward my mother. “Actually, no, I have a family dinner, but I wanted to come and show my support for Abby.” His words were so sincere. I wanted to kiss him in front of my parents, at my friend’s funeral, with Orlando limply watching on.

“ Oh,” my mother answered, flitting her gaze between us, most likely trying to pin down what exactly was going on. “Okay, well it was wonderful meeting you. Abby, we’ll be in the car.” I loved my mother extra hard for dragging my father behind her and giving Beck and I one last moment of privacy.

“ You’re wearing the locket,” Beck noted. I hadn’t taken it off since the flea market. It rested around my neck, just above my scar.

“ I haven’t changed the photos yet,” I shrugged, playing down the fact that it was now one of my most favorite possessions.

“ I like it,” he murmured. I looked up at him from beneath my lashes.

“ Do you really have a family dinner?” I asked.

“ Just with my dad,” he answered with narrowed eyes.

I nodded. “You don’t seem so excited about it.”

“ He doesn’t know about my MIT transfer yet. I imagine it won’t be a very pleasant meal.”

I frowned, wishing I could help him bear the burden.

“ Do you want to take Orlando Bloom for support?” I offered him a half smile.

Beck dropped his head and laughed. “Nah, I’ll let you keep him. I don’t think my dad would get the joke.”

The conversation seemed over. I thought he’d turn and head toward his truck, but instead he asked, “Are we going to finish the trip?”

My mouth hung open as I waited for my brain to catch up. I didn’t know the answer to that. My grief over Caroline was a living thing. It grew and slept, dormant at times, and then wild and all-consuming when I least expected. Would she have wanted me to finish the road trip? Probably, but I didn’t agree with her logic anymore.