When You're Mine (MINE #3)(35)

She closed the distance between us, placing a comforting hand on my forearm. “She’s strong, Barrett.”

A throat cleared and I looked up to see her husband standing there, his intense eyes boring into mine. When he came to stand beside Madison, he wrapped his arm around her waist, tucking her close. The man extended his hand.

A peace offering.

I took it.

“What do ya say we all go grab some coffee?” he offered.

With my mind and heart both a little calmer now, I followed them into the cafeteria and fixed myself a cup of coffee. We settled at a tiny table near the front. “So have you had a chance to talk to her about what we discussed?”

“Not yet. I was going to tell her tonight, but I didn’t get the chance.”

Madison swallowed hard, looking at Holden then me. “You haven’t changed your mind have you?”

“No. I just have a lot to think about.”

She nodded. “I understand.”

“Congratulations on the baby, man, and thank you for helping make my wife’s dream come true.” Holden said, grimacing as he took a sip from his own cup.

“Thanks. Still not sure how to wrap my head around being a father.” Tension gripped my muscles once more and pain burrowed in my heart. What if she does have cancer? The doctor said they would still need to conduct a biopsy to be sure, but what if?

“You’ll be an amazing father.” Madison reached out to pat my hand.

I gave her a weak smile, wondering for the first time what it would be like to have a child of my own. I thought about Dylan and how much I adored him, pondering the ways my life was about to change. By the time I decided to return to the room, I’d come to terms with the day’s events, and was ready to confront them head on. I was going to be a father. The woman I love could have cancer. Both scared the shit out of me, but my heart told me the love we shared was strong enough to survive anything. I was grateful to find her sleeping. Mentally and physically spent, all I wanted to do was sleep. Tomorrow would come soon enough. After pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, I relaxed in the chair and watched her sleep until eventually, sleep found me.





We do not remember days, we remember moments.

~ Cesare Parese





Curled up in my hospital bed, I prayed. Prayed for God to give me strength. Even though, no matter how strong I thought I was, I would need more than just my faith to get me through this. I would need a miracle. I’d been ignoring it. In deep denial about the fact I would likely suffer the same harsh fate as my mother. I knew what he was going to say the moment the doctor walked into the room. It was written all over his face. But when he told me I was pregnant, I felt my already fragile world crash down around me. Now, there was life growing inside of me. Another life that could be destroyed by the potential poison growing inside my brain. Swiping an escaped tear from my cheek, I attempted to smother the pain radiating in my chest. Pain that had manifested into fear with each passing hour.

Barrett’s socked feet were propped up on the foot of my bed, hands clasped low on his belly while he slept peacefully, considering his uncomfortable position. The last few days had been perfect. Even though, in the back of my mind, I knew we would eventually come to an end. I just didn’t see it going down quite like this, but then again, my life f*cking sucked. The way I saw it, I would selfishly keep him as long as I could, until time ran out.

Time passed.

A nurse came to check my vitals and a few hours later, around the early break of day, Barrett finally awoke. Stretching his arms high above his head, he brought his hand down to stifle a roaring yawn. Running his fingers through the thick locks, he tamed the unruly mess on top of his head before running a hand down his scruffy face. Eventually, he swung his eyes to mine. They were dangerously guarded and an intense shade of blue. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Better.”

Barrett dropped his feet from the bed, resting his forearms on the edge of his knees. Those sharp eyes pinned me in place. As if I could ever escape them anyway. “I don’t expect you to stay,” I blurted, anxious to get this over with.

Barrett shook his head. “Why would you say something like that?”

“This is ugly, Barrett. You don’t want any part of it, trust me.”

“You’re carrying our child. That is not ugly.”

“I’m not keeping the baby.”

Silence.

I continued. “I have cancer.”

He ran an angry hand through his hair. “You don’t know if you have cancer, yet.”

“Barrett, my mother died from brain cancer, so did my grandmother. I’m pretty sure I have it, too. I can’t raise a child while I’m dying. I won’t ask you to do it, either.”

“What about what I want? Do you even care about that?”

“I know you don’t want this.”

“You’re right. I don’t want this. But I do want you.” A spark of fire ignited inside my weary heart, but it was quickly snuffed out. My mother was the strongest woman I’d ever known and she couldn’t beat it.

It will eat me alive.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, heartbreak cracking his voice.

“I wanted you to stay.”

Barrett stood from his seat, bracing himself on the side the bed, he brought his face close to mine. Sadness and love seeped from every single pore. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ve told you that. What is it going to take for you to understand? I love you. And no matter how hard you push, I’m here to stay.”