Unravel(76)

Lana lay on the couch. A throw draped over her body. Hair pulled up into a greasy bun. She had a waxy, pale look to her skin that most people get when they haven’t been outside in a while. I felt restless energy building up inside of me. I couldn’t sit here idly, doing nothing. I jumped out of my chair and clapped my hands.

“You gotta get up,” I announced. “You have to eat something.”

Lana looked over at me, like she had forgotten I was even in the room. “I ate.” She pointed at the empty plate on the floor.

“Yeah, but a piece of toast is not going to cut it. You see, your body needs this thing called energy to keep going.”

Lana looked at me with a heavy lidded look, before she looked back at the television behind me.

I grabbed the remote and turned it off. She gave a small protest as I sat next to her. I exhaled loudly and leaned against her legs.

“Come on,” Lana said. “Get it out.”

I looked at her, my eyebrows knitted together.

“I know you want to tell me off right now.”

I sighed. “I don’t want to tell you off. I just want you to cheer up. Things are… weird right now.”

“You told me that a month ago.” Lana wrung her hands. “Are you going back to school?”

I stiffened slightly. “Next semester I am. I mean… there’s nothing else for me to do, right?” I looked over at Lana and smiled weakly. She never smiled back. “My parents expect me to go back.”

“But do you want to go back?”

“I think so,” I said quietly.

I stood up and paced the room. I tugged at the collar of my shirt, suddenly feeling like I was being choked. “How can I focus on anything else right now? It feels like my world is crashing down around me.”

“Maybe it’s been crashing down around us the whole time.”

I wanted to tell her to save her breath. It was nothing new to hear Lana talking so cryptically; she had been doing that for weeks. Yet her words were starting to eat at my conscience, making me paranoid and sending a cold feeling up and down my spine.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I said.

Lana shrugged, but didn’t avert her eyes. She looked me straight in the face. “I just think that the truth is finally catching up to you, to the both of us, and that’s what I wanted to avoid. The very thing I wished would never happen… did. People are being crushed because of my dad.”

When she finished talking the apartment was so quiet, you could have heard a pin drop.

We didn’t say anything. I had nothing but the sound of her words echoing in my head.

I got up and left the room.

We avoided each other the rest of the day.





I woke up to the sound of a crash.

I sat up instantly, feeling like I was being ripped out of a dream. It took me a while to come back to reality and when I did, I looked over at the clock. It was almost six in the morning.

The disorientation wouldn’t leave. I had to stop my body from lurching forward. I felt almost numb, yet there was an organ inside of me, about the size of my fist, that wouldn’t stop frantically beating. I placed my palm over my heart and took a few deep breaths. After a few minutes, my heart rate still wouldn’t go back to normal and I gave up. I got out of bed. My legs were shaking as I opened my door and peeked my head into the dark hallway. Light seeped out from under the bathroom door. I called out Lana’s name. My voice was crystal clear and steady, but she never answered me.

I finally walked across the hall. The apartment was so deadly quiet. I could hear everything: the blood roaring through my veins, my labored breathing, and my footsteps against the carpeted floor.

When I reached the door I went to knock, but hesitated for a millisecond. There was the smallest part of me that was scared and urgently told me not to go in.

I knocked lightly. My eyes closed when there was no response.

“Lana?” I said.

On the other side I heard drawers opening and shutting and the sound of sniffling.

“Lana, I’m coming in,” I said as I opened the door.

I opened the door. I was only one step forward when I stopped short. Lana was staring at her reflection with a knife pressed against her left wrist.

I approached very carefully and said her name. She didn’t look at me.

“What are you doing?” I said.

She blinked before she resumed staring at herself. Turning her head this way and that, looking over her features with a critical eye.

“My skin is perfect,” she said and grazed the blade against her wrist. Her hand started to shake. I sucked in a sharp breath. “But you know what?” She tilted her head to the side and stared at me through the mirror. I stared back. Lana may think she’s hopeless, but I see a person there. One that’s had to fight to survive her entire life. If she made it past this hurdle in her life she would be unstoppable.

“Inside I have so much pain,” she said. “It just keeps multiplying.”

“And you think cutting yourself will fix that?”

“Yes.”

I tried to reason with her. I told her we could go somewhere—anywhere—that would make her feel better. Was she hungry?

Lana said no to all the above.

I tried again. “What about something to make you sleep? You’ll take it, fall asleep, and tomorrow will be a better day. You’ll be able to think everything through!”