Trusting Nicole (The Last Hangman MC #4)(9)
Nicole slips her hand through the crook of my arm and gives me a quick squeeze. I look down at her and smile softly.
“Are you alright?” She looks at me confused.
“I’ll get there, but this is pretty f*cking great.” I whisper.
“What is?” She looks at me confused.
“This.” I point to the group of people behind us and she squeezes my arm.
“Yeah it’s pretty amazing.” She smiles softly at me and I nod. It really is pretty f*cking sweet.
Call me an * for feeling at peace on the day my wife is buried but I don’t give a f*ck. All I know is that something changed. I have no idea what, but it’s f*cking good to feel alive again. I haven’t felt like this in so long that I can’t even remember when I felt this content. If I’m honest with myself, I don’t think I ever have.
I know that no matter what, the people behind me will have my back and I’ll have theirs. For some of them it might be in a beneficial way because I could get them out of trouble and for some reason, I wouldn’t mind as much anymore. I don’t see them the same way I used to before. They aren’t estranged outlaws, they’re family. I just hope they’ll still be as accepting of me when they find out about my past, as I’ve been about their illegal activities when I’m representing the law in the group.
They say that there is only so much a man can take before he crumbles, but they never explain that he gets back up with the support of his family and friends, but what happens when those helping hands are the ones who helped his fall?
Things won’t fix themselves within a couple of days. Time will be needed for everything to get back to some sort of normalcy. Some of the people behind me are still suffering from the events of these past few days, but I have faith that we’ll get there. Together.
CHAPTER 3
Nicole
The funeral, despite being heart breaking like every funeral, was also heartwarming. Not for Jenny’s family, the nasty glares that they were giving us were just uncalled for and disrespectful to her memory. We were all there to show our support and pay our final respects to her. None of us had to be there and yet, we all showed up together, they could have had the decency to hide their distaste. None of us would have felt good about missing it, if not for our own piece of mind but for Jason. He needs the support, even if he keeps rejecting it.
Her parents flat out refused to let him speak the few words he wanted to say so we all hung back after they left so he could say his goodbyes to her. I don’t know how he’s still standing, he’s a lot stronger than I would be had I lost the one I loved.
His final words to Jenny hit all of us and are still giving me chills.
We all surround her grave, letting Jason stand by the headstone.
“Thank you all for joining me again. You didn’t have to. I certainly didn’t expect to see all of you here today but it really means a lot to me that you all came even though most of you didn’t even know who she was,” Jason says looking at all of us.
“You’re welcome, Brother. I didn’t know her, but she didn’t deserve to die or be here with just her family.” Ant sighs. He’s right, only her parents and I think, her sister, were here. I don’t know if she had any friends left, I know she distanced herself from them, but I’d have thought some of them would have showed up.
“Appreciate it more than you could know. I have a couple of words I wanted to say earlier but wasn’t allowed to. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.” I can tell he’s uncomfortable which is a first.
“We are all here for you, Sanders,” Ric says, surprising us all.
Jason nods once and takes a breath. “Jenny didn’t deserve this. She had nothing to do with any of it and yet, she’s the one paying for my mistakes. She always supported me and even though over time she started to hate that I’m a cop, she was so supportive in the beginning. I should have let her go when there was still time to save her. She was always going to have a target on her back because of my work and I hate that it’s my fault. Some of you are going to tell me it’s not, but it is. I might not be the one who pulled the trigger, but had I not been a cop or close to all of you, it wouldn’t have happened.” He sighs and looks down at the headstone. “I’m sorry I failed you Jenny. All I wanted was to make you happy and I failed. I couldn’t keep the promises I made to you. Thinking back on it, I wish I could have been more honest and open with you. You barely knew the real me and I wish I’d had the guts to tell you. You’ll always hold a special place in my heart, no matter what happens.” He looks back up at us. “Things might not always be as they seem. Appearances can be deceiving. Lies are told, truths are revealed and they shatter our worlds, but no matter what, never go to bed upset or mad at someone, it might be the last time you see them. Always tell the ones you love that you love them. You never know what the future holds.” He finishes and places a single white rose over her headstone and walks away.
We all look at each other and walk back to our cars or bikes in silence, no doubt everybody thinking about what Jason just said.
He’s right. No one knows what the future holds or what might happen. Thinking back on all the stupid things said and done and all the times I was pissed at Gabe, I’m glad we’ve always been able to patch things up and talk it out. I wish I had the opportunity to say goodbye to my parents properly and tell them one last time that I love them, but that’s not a luxury I’ll ever have.