Trusting Nicole (The Last Hangman MC #4)(10)

I can’t imagine how Jason must be feeling right now. Even though some of the things he said were confusing, I’m sure he did love Jenny but whether he was in love with her or not, that’s another story. Either way I’m sure he’d have loved to be able to say goodbye to her properly. The last time they talked was him telling her he had to move her into protection.

“What are you thinking about?” Jason asks me, shaking me from my thoughts.

“Nothing.” I sigh and look at him.

“You’re a shit liar.”

“Your last words back at the cemetery.” I say softly.

“What about them?”

“They hit me right in the feels.” I shrug.

“It’s true though, I wish we could have talked things through before it all happened, but I was too preoccupied by what was going down to make the time to call her and apologize.”

“Apologize for what?” I look over to him as I pull up at a red light.

“Everything I did that made it go so wrong?” He looks over to me as he pulls up at a red light.

“Not everything is your fault. Yes, you have flaws, you weren’t attentive and affectionate enough towards your wife, but don’t blame everything that went wrong in your relationship on yourself. If she really loved and wanted you she should have worked harder and tried to be more understanding.” From the glare he’s giving me, he does not love what I just said.

“Don’t you dare.”

“Dare what? Say the truth? It’s the truth Jase and you f*cking know it. So stop acting like you’re at fault for all of this. No, you’re not perfect, but guess what, neither was Jenny. You both should have worked harder on the relationship, but from what you told me last night, she wasn’t that keen on making things work. It’s time to stop whining for f*ck’s sake, you’re worse than a woman! Accept the fact that your marriage failed and that whilst your job might have played a part in it, not everything is down to you. God you’re infuriating sometimes.” I groan, tired of his moaning and pity party.

“You’re hot when you’re pissed.” He shakes his head and starts driving when the light turns green.

“You’ve mentioned that a time or two.” I look out the window and realize he’s not driving me home but to his place.

“It must be true then.” He sighs and we don’t say another word the rest of the way. The silence is deafening.

I’m relieved when we get to his place, as much as I want to help him cope but it’s hard to be around him. I wish things were easy like when I was in high school, or at least easier. No one would die and everybody would be happy, the guys would still be into illegal shit, but not getting into these kinds of problems. One can dream I suppose. I climb out of his black Mustang and wait by the front door.

He lets me in and closes the door behind us. I never thought about it before, but it’s weird to be in the house he lived in with his wife. I look around and note that it doesn’t seem he was living with someone else, much less a woman or his wife. I turn around and see that he’s right behind me.

“Looking for something?” He asks, raising his eyebrow at me, no doubt wondering why I’m looking around his place when I’ve spent the past twenty four hours here.

“I’m just realizing that this doesn’t look like a home, it’s a simply decorated house. There are only a couple pictures of you and Jenny around and there are no homely touches.” I comment as I keep looking around trying to avoid his stare.

He pulls at my chin so I’m forced to look at him. “I don’t know if it was because she didn’t feel at home here, I always told her she could decorate the place however she pleased but she never did. I’m not into that kind of shit so it never bothered me.”

“Alright.”

“What’s wrong?” He looks at me confused.

“Nothing is wrong. It’s just weird. It’s like you two lived together, but weren’t together. I can’t put my finger on it or explain what I’m thinking.” I look at him, confused.

“I don’t know what to tell you. Neither of us decorated the house.” He shrugs and pours himself a whiskey. “Want some?”

“No, thanks. What did you mean by things aren’t always what they seem?” I ask, sitting down on the couch.

“Do we really have to talk about all of this now? I just buried my wife. I don’t want to talk about any of this.” He sits down next to me and downs his glass.

“I guess not.” I want to know what’s going through his mind, but clearly he doesn’t want to open up. I don’t know what he’s thinking or going through, but I want to help him out. I want him to feel alive again but he seems dead set against it. I hate to see him like this. Nobody knows we know each other. We met when I was in college and grew close. It’s getting harder to keep up appearances, especially with Gabe and Aleck hovering over my every move. The fact that we’ve spent a lot of time together these past couple of days doesn’t help clear my mind.

“Whatever you’re thinking about, stop it. I’m not going to confide in you and nothing can change what happened. So stop overthinking things.”

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t think about.” I glare at him.

“Then stop trying to heal me. I’m destroyed beyond repair. You’re wasting your time, Kitten.”