Trusting Nicole (The Last Hangman MC #4)(8)

I sigh. I can’t believe this. “It is easier to blame everything on someone you can physically inflict pain on, than someone who isn’t there anymore.”

“I know what you mean. He’s the one who killed my parents. It wasn’t an accident.”

“What?” I look up at her shocked.

“Yeah, he confessed to it.”

“What else was said?”

“He told us all about his use and abuse of women, how he treated them, what he did to them and things like that. No wonder Jenny lost it. She was too sweet and innocent to hear that kind of shit.” she says sadly.

I nod. “Her last words?”

“You don’t relent, do you?”

“Never.” I smile darkly.

“Alright.” She takes a deep breath. “She said she’d rather be dead than listen to all the f*cked up things he’s done.”

“And he just shot her?” I look at her in disbelief.

“Yes.”

“That sick motherf*cker.” I jump up in a fit of rage and throw my still full cup of coffee against the wall, sending coffee and ceramic pieces everywhere.

I look back to Nicole and see her looking at me sadly before she gets up and walks over to me, wrapping her arms around me. I struggle against her, not wanting anyone touching me right now, even her, but she doesn’t let go. She holds onto me tighter and strokes my back. No doubt she’s trying to soothe me, but it’s not working. How could it work?

I try to push her away, but she has a death grip on my waist. I give up struggling. I wrap my arms around her and pull her to me as tightly as I can, desperate to feel something other than rage. I disgust myself. I’m holding another woman when my wife was killed just two days ago.

I relax in Nicole’s arms, something I haven’t done in a really long time, even before everything went down. I don’t know how but she’s managed to calm the storm inside without saying a single word. I don’t know how long we stay embracing each other in the middle of my living room, but in all honesty, I don’t care. It feels good. I feel good.



February 21, 2015

Today is the day of the funeral.

I’m not ready to say goodbye to Jenny.

She was my life for the past six years, even though things weren’t perfect, a part of me still cared for her.

Her parents are going to be there and I know they are going to want to chase me away. I can’t blame them, I still blame myself at least once per hour. Whenever I do, I try to remember Nicole’s words in my head, telling me it’s not my fault, that it would have happened no matter what.

Nicole.

She is everything that Jenny wasn’t. Except f*cking beautiful, they’re both incredibly beautiful women, but where Jenny was sweet and innocent, Nicole is loud mouthed and feisty.

In the end, Nicole stayed the night last night, we talked for hours about everything and nothing, both of us needing an escape from this reality. She’s been amazing since I called her yesterday; I’ve made her relive the worst night of her life and she never once complained. Sure, she gave me some attitude, but I didn’t mind, it made things entertaining and, to be honest, I needed to hear it.

“Are you ready?” She asks standing next to me by my car, zapping me out of my thoughts.

“No, I don’t think I’ll ever be, but I have to do this. Thank you for coming with me.” I say and give her a crooked smile.

“Don’t mention it. I didn’t get to know her, but I could tell she was a really sweet woman, she didn’t deserve this at all.”

I simply nod at her and we make our way towards the cemetery where Jenny's family is sitting on one side of her dug grave and to my surprise, the whole of the Last Hangman, the Bastards from Hell and the Fallen Angels standing on the other. That’s well over a hundred people standing by her side. It warms my cold, dead heart. Only a handful of them knew who she was and yet, they took the time out of their day to come and pay their respects for a fallen soul.

I nod towards them before looking over at Jenny's family. I didn’t think I’d be standing on their side, well rather that they would let me stand on their side, but the nasty glares they are giving the men standing in front of them, disgust me. I walk proudly over to Ant, Ric and Ray and shake their hands. I’m standing on Ant’s left side with Nicole by my side. I look around at the members surrounding me and see that all their old ladies are there too, making this group even bigger than I first thought.

I can’t help the faint smile that plays on my lips. I never thought I’d have a family again and yet, over these past three days more people have tried to make sure I wasn’t killing myself slowly than any have for the past thirty years. In a way, I know Jenny would have been happy that I had found something that resembles a family. She couldn’t have kids. I had accepted that fact, even though it bothered me, I accepted it. She, however, couldn’t cope with it. I always promised her we would find a way to have a kid even if he or she wouldn’t technically be ours, we’d still be parents. It would have been a huge mistake, but I wanted her to be happy.

This is the one positive thing that came out of all of this, I found a family. Something I longed for, for so long. I don’t know how it’s going to go down with the nature of my work, but I’m not about to turn away from what I’ve just found.