Trusting Nicole (The Last Hangman MC #4)(66)

“Alright, alright. It was f*cking killing me. I even resorted to studying to pass the time. Can you believe that? I’ve wanted to come see you or call you every five minutes and I hate that I wanted to do it because I hate girls who do that.” I groan, making him laugh.

“You should have.” He smiles and kisses my shoulder.

“What?” I look at him, eyes wide.

“Might have kicked my ass into gear and opened my eyes quicker.”

“Huh? What did then?”

“I went to the mansion one last time to pick up the last of my things. Remember that room upstairs I told you that was locked and required a code to open it?”

“Yeah? Did you figure it out?” I ask excitedly.

“Yes, it was my f*cking birthday.” He chuckles.

“Seriously? Thirty years and you never tried that?” I can’t help but laugh.

“Nope, never, not once. In a way, I’m glad I did.” He smiles at me.

“Why?”

“Well, behind that door was my childhood room. Nikolai had brought everything into the house and recreated my room, without the mess he said.” He chuckles. “It was weird and heart breaking and heartwarming to see everything exactly as it was the day I was forced to leave. They had picked up a bunch of my parents’ belongings and all of our pictures, so I now have things from my parents and it’s good to have that back. I feel like I have some of my past life back and it feels f*cking great. Sergei had also put a note on the bed.” He takes it from his pocket and hands it to me to read it over.

I smile as I read. “You’re free.” I sigh leaning against him.

“Yes. Nikolai told me I could keep working with them if I wanted to.”

I look up at him. “What did you chose?”

“You. I chose you.” He rests his forehead against mine. “I need to know if you are okay with everything. My past, my life, the horrible things I’ve done th-”

“If you ask me that one more time I swear I’ll kick your ass.” I glare at him.

“I can’t help it. I’m scared you’re going to end up hurt because of me. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Is that why you pushed me away? To protect me? Well newsflash Jase, I don’t need to be protected, I need to be loved. You can’t save a damsel in distress if she loves her distress. Besides, nothing will happen to me as long as you are by my side.”

“Why me? You could have anyone.”

“You’re it, okay? I don’t know how, I don’t know why, all I know is that you are the only one that will do, despite everything and not being with you hurts like goddamn hell and I didn't-I just need you to let me in, please.”

“God, Kitten.” He wraps his hand around the back of my neck and brings me to him, kissing me with such passion, despair and fear. It’s like it’s the last kiss we’ll ever share, when actually it’s the first of many. “I’m bound to f*ck up.” He groans.

“We’ll deal with it when it comes to that.” I stroke his cheek and he nuzzles into it, making me melt into a puddle of mush.

“You sure?” He chuckles.

“I’m sure.” I smile as I look into his eyes. “What are you going to do now?”

He sighs and wraps his arms around me. “I have no f*cking clue.” He chuckles.

“Well that’s good, we can spend time together and relax. We both deserve it.”

“That we do. How is everyone doing?” He kisses my temple.

“They are doing good, rebuilding the compound and part of the garage that blew up, sorting out Viv’s bar. You know, the usual. The Bastards and Angels are helping so it’s all progressing faster than anyone expected. They’ve all been asking after you.” I look up at him.

“Really?”

“Yeah, they do like you.” I smile squeezing his thigh.

“I’m not sure about that.” He sighs.

“Why would you say that? They all came to help save you. They didn’t want to go with Sergei’s plan. They wanted to just barge in straightaway to get you. They wouldn’t have risked their lives if they didn’t care.”

“It’s just hard when you’ve been raised without any love to have people appreciate and like you. I’m not used to it and it’s still hard to grasp.”

“What about me?”

“What about you?”

“I love you. I’m in love with you,” I say softly.

His breath hitches. “I love you too.”

“But?”

“How did you know?” He chuckles nervously.

“Meh, I know you. You’re a stubborn ass who always has to get the last word.”

“Not that I get to have it that often with you.”

“So true and don’t you ever forget it.” I chuckle. “So…but?”

“But I don’t know how to do this, us. Sure we’ve been on and off together for a while, but we’ve never actually done the couple thing. What if we don’t get along or you don’t like the person I am or I realize you’re annoying and clingy.” He chuckles at the end.

“Had you not chuckled I’d have f*cking punched you.” I squint my eyes at him.