Trusting Nicole (The Last Hangman MC #4)(30)

“Are you alright?” I look at him, puzzled.

“Of course, I’m with you.”

“You’re too sweet.” I kiss him softly. “I mean, you seem different.”

“What do you mean?” He’s the one looking confused now.

“I don’t know. You’re never like this with me. It’s usually straight down to naked business.” I shrug.

“And you don’t like me this way?”

“I do. I’m just not used to it. You can be yourself with me, you know.”

“I’m being myself.” There’s so much sadness in his eyes that I don’t know what to make of any of this. “Are you alright? You look confused.”

I chuckle softly. “I’m good. Let’s eat before the pizza is cold and the beer is warm.” I push my books away and bring the pizza in front of us. I load my slice with hot sauce and cheese, to Jase’s amusement. “What?”

“Nothing.” He chuckles.

“Speak up, Sanders.” I glare at him playfully and take a big bite of pizza.

“You’re a weirdo. That’s all.”

“Yeah but you love it.” I shrug and take another big bite.

“Yes, I do.” He smiles and eats his slice.

“So, how did your plan go for the Disciples?”

“You know I’m not allowed to talk about work stuff.” He gives me that same blank pug-look.

“Right, same as my brothers, not allowed to talk about club or work stuff.” I mimic, making him laugh.

“Spot on. All I’m going to say is that it didn’t go as planned.”

“Is that why you have busted knuckles?”

“You could say that.”

I sigh and set my slice down, opening the beer bottles.

“What’s wrong?” he asks before taking a pull of his beer.

“Just tired of people being evasive.”

“I’m not responsible for what your brother choses to tell you or not, but I can’t.”

“Alright.” I pick up my slice and finish it in a couple of bites.

He sighs and takes another bite, he looks torn. “Work wise, it was a bust, someone tipped off the Disciples and they weren’t where they were supposed to be.”

“Any idea who tipped them off?”

“No. Ant’s looking into it and we are too. They are smart.”

“Thank you.”

“For?” He looks up at me in confusion.

“For telling me.”

“Don’t get used to it.” He chuckles softly.

“Why not?” I pout.

“Because I’m not supposed to tell you.”

“I thought you meant something else.” I exhale in relief.

He lifts my chin, making me look at him. “As long as you’ll want me or as long as your brothers let me live, I’ll never push you away.”

“Then you’re stuck with me for a long time. Gabe and Aleck can suck it and they can be bought with loads of Red Velvet stuff and sex from their women anyway.” I shrug.

“Good to know.” He chuckles. “So if I ever want to tell them that you and I are together, I should just buy a stock of Red Velvet treats to literally sweeten them up?”

“Pretty much. You would tell them?” I look at him, gauging his reaction.

“When all of this is over and if you still want me, yes.”

“Why wouldn’t I want you?”

“Not now.” He looks up at me, begging me with his eyes to drop it.

“It’s never now though.”

“I know. I had a bad day. I just want to relax and be with you tonight.”

I nod. “Alright.” I kiss him softly and rest my forehead on his. “This feels nice.”

“It really does.” He smiles and kisses me back.

We finish the pizza, talking about everything but what happened today and his past since they are sensitive subjects, but it’s still playing on my mind. I can’t help thinking about it, what could be so bad that he’d be scared to tell me? Because at this point, I’m pretty sure it’s not because he doesn’t want to open up or that he doesn't trust me anymore, but that he’s scared of what I might think of him if I learn his mysterious truth.

“What are you thinking about?” He kisses my neck, bringing me back to reality.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t make me do the blank pug stare again.” I chuckle despite not wanting to.

“You’re not going to like it.”

“Let me guess. You want to know what happened to my hands and want me to open up.” I’m glad at least he’s not saying it in a nasty way or upset about it.

“Yes. Spot on. I just wish you would trust me. That’s all.”

“I trust you. Never doubt that. I just don’t you want to think less of me because of my past.”

“Why would I do that?” I stroke his cheek.

“I’m not a good man, Kitten.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not. I’m far worse than your brothers.”

“What do you mean? What are you talking about?”

He hesitates. “If I tell you, you’ll never want to see me again.”