Trusting Nicole (The Last Hangman MC #4)(32)
“Unfortunately for me, I heard a noise behind me and I didn’t have time to get out of the room so I hid in a small corner room and hoped no one would find me. You’ve guessed with the luck I’ve had, I was caught. They were shouting at each other in Russian, no doubt debating what to do with me. Nikolai wanted to lock me up in my room until they’d be able to talk to me and calmly explain things, he was always the voice of reason even though he was teaching me how to pick locks and shit like that. Vladimir wanted to kill me, saying that I’d run my mouth at school and get them exported and handed back to Russian government. Sergei didn’t want to hear any of it. He said he had a better idea. Not sure if it was better, but it was the first time he had me hurt someone.
“I was a little f*cker and I couldn’t do much damage at that time but he gave me a knife and told me to cut up the man that was there until he would speak. I didn’t want to do it at first, I wasn’t like that, I wasn’t a bad kid. I just wanted to live a normal life, but they had other plans for me. They told me I owed it to them for the ten years they let me stay with them and if I didn’t comply, they would do the same thing to me next and let me die. I was scared and didn’t want to die, so I did it. They gave me the choice to live like them or die. I chose to live. I started to cut that man’s arm, apologizing every single time the blade cut through his skin and every time I did, I would get slapped or punched. They said I shouldn’t apologize, that he was the bad man and that I was righting a wrong.
“It was hard, but I kept doing it. For hours I cut that man up until he lost consciousness. They’d make me wait for a while and then get back to it. I tortured that man for ten hours straight. He ended up confessing his crimes with his last breath. Sergei, Nikolai and Vladimir were proud of me but I was disgusted with myself. That was the first time, but not the last. I’ve been down those stairs so many times since then.”
“Is that where you were today and why your hands are like that?”
I nod. “Yes. He wanted me to get the truth out of someone and I did as I was told.”
“Why are you still doing it for him? You’re a cop, you could get him locked up, even though he saved your life, he shouldn’t have made you do those kinds of things,” she says confused and agitated.
“There’s more to it. After that first time, he had me train with Nikolai. Martial arts, boxing, shooting, anything that can be used to hurt and kill, I was learning it. I got bigger and better at it every day. At first I didn’t want to do it but then I started to enjoy it. I was enjoying inflicting pain onto someone. I sometimes imagined the men were the ones who killed my parents, it made it easier. Sometimes, I just enjoyed doing it. I enjoyed hurting and torturing people to get the truth out of them. If they wouldn’t talk, I’d kill them. Always the same way. A bullet to the head. I’d face them and shoot, making them look me in the eyes so I would be the last thing they’d see. I don’t know why it was important to me, or still is, but I still do it. Even if they tell us what we want to know, they never make it out of that room alive.
“When I turned eighteen, Sergei sat me down and told me he was part of the Russian mafia and an important man amongst them. That’s the only time he ever mentioned it and openly talked to me about it. That day, I had two choices. I could either leave the house and sort my life out on my own, a fresh start with nothing to my name or any money, or stay with him and work for him. The decision was easily made. I started to work for him. I didn’t even think about the first option. I was cocky, stupid and had all the money I wanted, along with countless women. Whenever he’d have parties at his place, he’d have girls for me and I could take my pick and f*ck whomever I pleased. It was any teenager’s wet dream.
“The day after my eighteenth birthday party, we sat down and talked about what working for him entailed. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. He told me I’d still be doing what I had been doing up until then, but would also have outside jobs. I dealt drugs and took people away who either owed him money or knew things he needed to know, thinking about it, I’m as bad as the Disciples are.” I sigh with realization.
“Don’t you dare compare yourself to those scumbags,” she shouts at me.
“I am. I had a choice. I made the choice to do all these things.”
“You’re not. You did it out of loyalty to the man who brought you up. They do it just for the sake of doing it.
“I enjoy torturing and killing people,” I tell her without any trace of emotion in my voice.
“Because you’re under Sergei’s thumb.”
“What?”
“Would you still do it if you weren’t still working for him?” she asks me calmly.
It takes me a moment to realize it. “Probably not.”
“See. You’re nothing like them.”
“Why are you being so understanding?” I look at her, confused.
“Because we’ve got a lot more in common than you imagine. Gabe and Aleck had to do the same at some point with some * from another club or someone who owed them money or whatever. I grew up in that type of lifestyle. I’ve seen men get beaten up and killed. As sad as it is, it doesn’t faze me anymore.” She shrugs, her voice void of emotions, making me wonder what shit she’s seen and been through. “Continue.” She pecks my lips and pours us some whiskey. We both down it and I get back to telling her the story of my life.