Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(38)

While I was being distracted by an inconsequential detail, Kiera beside me was staring into her beer like she’d dropped something important down the bottleneck. Wondering if she was okay with this ridiculous movie, I watched her curiously for a second.

Her cheeks were flushed with color, showing through in even the relatively dim lighting of the room. She was embarrassed, that much was clear. Had she not noticed the stupid antennas on the helmets? She wouldn’t be nearly as self-conscious if she saw how silly it all was. But she obviously couldn’t get past the intimacy of the sex act being performed.

Wanting to give her an out, I leaned over and asked, “Are you uncomfortable?”

She immediately shook her head. With how hard she shook it, I could tell she didn’t want me to think this bothered her. I didn’t know why it mattered to her what I thought about it. If she wanted to leave, I understood. Watching people have sex was odd. Hot, but odd.

I started picturing Kiera in the scene. Without the weird green people and stupid helmets though. I pictured her alone…with me. I imagined kissing her ear, licking her neck, sucking on her nipple. I imagined it was my fingers sliding inside her body, feeling how wet she was, how ready she was for me…I took a sip of my beer, ran my tongue over my lower lip, then, wishing it was Kiera touching me, I dragged my teeth over the sensitive skin. God, this stupid porn was making me hard. I should stop watching it, and I should definitely stop thinking about Kiera that way.

I heard a soft moan escape Kiera. Unlike the sounds coming from the TV, the noise she’d made was real. That was when I remembered that she was still here, beside me…and I was touching her. My eyes shifted to take her in. She was staring at me, not the movie. Her lips were parted, her breath was faster. Blood surged through my body, raising my heartbeat, quickening my breath, hardening my cock. I tried to remember why I couldn’t lean over and suck her bottom lip into my mouth. I tried to remember why I couldn’t reach over and feel the nipple poking through her tank top. Why I couldn’t lay her down and take her. And at the moment, I couldn’t recall anything but how much I loved her skin against mine.

I wanted her. Now.

My eyes flashed to her full lips. They were beckoning me, calling me, drawing me to them. I brushed my tongue against my lower lip again, but it was her tongue I wanted touching me. I bet she tasted good. I bet she felt good. I wanted to find out. I’d never wanted anything more in my life. My eyes rose to hers again, and I saw the heat there as she stared at me. She wanted me to kiss her. She wanted me to taste her. I’d almost say she wanted it as much as I did. My body strained against my clothes, begging me to do it. Just do it.

I returned my gaze to her lips and let them draw me in. Yes…please…kiss me. Her breath quickened the closer I came to her; I could see her chest rising and falling, could feel the air against my cheek. Her body squirmed under my touch. I bet she was wet. I bet she was ready. For me. But…no…she wasn’t mine.

Like my skull had been slammed against a brick wall, I suddenly remembered why I couldn’t touch her. Denny. She was Denny’s, and he was my best friend. Fuck. I had to stop this. It was so hard to stop though. Everything between us felt electrified. Every point of contact between us felt on fire. Instead of pressing my lips to hers, I touched my forehead to hers and only let our noses meet. The tease I’d just given myself went straight to my groin, sending an ache of pleasure through me. Fuck, I didn’t want to stop.

A whimper escaped Kiera’s lips that only made it harder for me not to lower my mouth to hers. She started raising her chin, searching for me. Fuck, this was going to happen if I didn’t do something soon. When I could just feel her lip brushing mine, I twisted away so my face ran along her cheek. I groaned in blissful torture. Fuck. I needed her. I needed to feel her, touch her, pleasure her, be with her. I was going to betray Denny. I was going to ruin everything, because I had no f*cking willpower whatsoever.

My nose still resting along her cheek, I took two panicked breaths. I was trying to calm my body, to return to my senses. Kiera melted against me like she was losing hers. Her body shifted toward mine, her hand dropped to my thigh, her head turned toward my mouth. I knew I didn’t have the strength to turn away again. If her lips made their way to mine, she would find me eager and willing. Screw Denny. Screw Matt and Griffin. I’d throw her down on the floor and we’d have sex right along with the stupid-ass movie.

And she’d never forgive me. I’d never forgive myself.

I clenched her hand on my thigh and ran my mouth to her ear. “Come with me,” I whispered. My body desperately wanted her to “come” with me, but that wasn’t going to happen. I wouldn’t let it.

Standing, I led her to the kitchen. I knew I would need to be in complete control to do this, so I pictured everything I could to turn myself off. Denny. How good they were together, how much they belonged together. The look on his face when he’d asked me to not touch her. The look that I knew would be on his face if he knew I had betrayed his trust. Denny sparing me from my parents’ wrath. Denny standing up for me, taking a hit for me. Denny. My brother, by virtue if not blood. I couldn’t do this to him.

I was more or less put together by the time we reached the kitchen. I could still hear that f*cking movie in the background, but I ignored it. Releasing Kiera, I set down my beer, walked over to the cabinet, and started preparing a glass of water for her. She was still breathing heavily, confused and frustrated, as I took her beer and handed her the glass of water with a peaceful smile. As she took it, she seemed embarrassed too. She’d probably expected something much different to happen in here.