Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(33)
Her eyes flashed with green in the sunshine, and she gave me an eager nod. I had to laugh at her enthusiasm.
Once we got into the main part of the Center, the crowds thickened. I could hear music playing in all directions. Oddly, it blended well with the noise of the people ambling around, creating a pleasing, energizing melee of melodies. It amped me up. I was ready to check out one of the many stages, to hear some new tunes.
Matt and Griffin had the map and instantly started leading the way. Evan followed after them while Kiera and I brought up the rear. I made sure to keep a tight hold on her hand as we weaved through the packed crowds. When we got to the outdoor stage where Mischief’s Muse was playing, Kiera squeezed my hand. I smiled and pulled her closer to me. I was not losing her in the masses.
The guys wanted the best seats in the house, and Matt wanted to check out the band’s equipment, so they shoved their way toward the front of the stage. I could tell from the look on Kiera’s face that she didn’t want to enter the rowdy pit of people near the front, so I stopped us well near the back. We still had a good view, but we weren’t being bothered. Too much. We were being jostled by people going around us, wanting to get closer to the stage. Kiera was pressed tight into my side, trying to get out of their way, but it still wasn’t enough.
Wanting her safe as well as comfortable, I pulled her in front of me so I’d take the bulk of the hits. I slipped my arms around her waist so she’d be even more protected from the people around us. Well, and because I wanted to put my arms around her; it felt completely natural to hold her when she was directly in front of me like she was. Anything else would have felt awkward. It was still a poor excuse though, and I knew it. I was beginning to push on a line I shouldn’t be messing with.
Kiera didn’t seem to mind my arms around her. She left her hands tangled with mine around her stomach and leaned back against my chest. She seemed just as comfortable as I was as she watched the band and the crowds. She turned her head to focus on something to the far right of the stage, and my gaze followed. My bandmates were over there, getting high by the looks of it. None of the guys did any hard drugs, but they did smoke pot on occasion, Griffin especially. Personally, I didn’t care for the stuff; I’d rather have beer, but I didn’t care if they did it.
I looked down at Kiera, wondering if she’d care. With a smile, I shrugged. She seemed reassured by my gesture, so I figured she was okay with it and returned my eyes to the show. That was when everything changed for me. Kiera let out a long exhale, like she was finally breathing for the first time in weeks. I was just thinking how glad I was that I’d made her come out with us when I felt her body shifting. At first, I thought she was just done with having a strange man’s arms around her, so I let her go. But she didn’t step away from me. No, she turned into me.
Her arms slipped around my waist, holding me tight, and her head rested on my chest. Every muscle in my body instantly locked with tension. Her fingers against my side started stroking back and forth in a calming, rhythmic pattern, and she inhaled another deep, cleansing breath. Was she just getting more comfortable? She definitely couldn’t see more of the show this way, since my chest partially blocked her vision, so it had to be about comfort.
As I relaxed into her embrace, wrapping my arms tight around her, I immediately started feeling that comfort. It was a warmth brighter than the sun radiating in the sky. It was a buoyancy lighter than floating on the water.
I knew I was overstepping so many boundaries right now that it was ridiculous, but I couldn’t help myself. Holding her—just holding her—felt better than anything I’d felt in a while. If I was going to be honest with myself, I’d wanted to hold her like this for some time now, I just hadn’t had a good reason to. I knew this would hurt Denny if he could see it, and hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do, but goddamn…I needed this, and for the moment, I was going to be a selfish *.
Closing my eyes, I stroked my thumbs across her back and inhaled the heady scent of her. I’d never had anything like this feeling, and I desperately wanted to keep it going. I’m sorry, Denny, but I can’t let her go. I kind of never wanted to let her go.
I did though. We broke apart before the guys returned to us. I didn’t want any of them thinking things they shouldn’t—well, anything more than they already thought about us. Holding hands in a place like this was harmless enough, and they’d already seen us do it, so I continued keeping a firm grip on her. I was anxious though, wanting to get to the next musician, not so I could hear the music but so I could feel that connection with Kiera again. So I could touch her, wrap my arms around her, feel her arms wrapped around me. It was the most unbelievable thing I’d ever known, and I never wanted it to end.
At each act, Kiera and I paused farther and farther back. I’d watch for Evan, Matt, and Griffin to disappear in the mass of gyrating bodies, then I’d smile at Kiera and wrap my arms around her. I loved having her head right over my heart, her shoulder tucked under mine. My arm wrapped around her back and my fingers brushed against her rib cage. It took every shred of willpower I had to not lean down and kiss her head. I satisfied the instinct by resting my cheek against her hair. It was heaven. Pure, painful heaven, because as nice as it was, I knew it wasn’t right. Denny wouldn’t like this…
We stayed locked together in some way the entire day, and even though half of Seattle seemed to be packed into the Center, it felt like Kiera and I were alone. We talked about the bands we’d seen. I’d only been half listening to them, but Kiera had been paying attention. Her first remark about any band I asked her about was always “Well, they’re definitely not as good as you, but…” Her eyes shone when she said it too, like she really meant it. I was on cloud nine all day long.