Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(28)
She held it together until we hit the freeway, then she completely fell apart. I’d never seen someone so torn before, like her soul had been shredded into pieces. Her pain made me ache, and I found it really hard to understand why Denny would put her through this. I wanted to fix her, wanted to take away all of her pain, wanted to protect her from ever feeling that way again. I realized I couldn’t do any of those things though, so I simply drove her home, set her up on the couch with some water and a box of tissues, and sat in the chair beside her to keep her company.
Hoping it would take her mind off things, I found something funny on the TV for us to watch. It seemed to work. After a few chuckles, her complexion was brighter and she wasn’t going through nearly as many tissues. I watched Kiera more than the movie. Her eyes were greener in her pain, and she chewed on her lip while she watched the ridiculous movie. I suddenly wished I could sit beside her on the couch, maybe wrap an arm around her, give her my shoulder to cry on, but I’d promised Denny I’d keep my distance.
Eventually her tears dried up. I could see the exhaustion on her face when she lay down on the couch, and it didn’t surprise me at all when she fell asleep before the movie was over. She probably hadn’t slept at all last night. I found a light blanket and laid it over her curled body. She stirred a little and smiled, like she knew I’d done that for her.
I stood over her, watching her for the longest time. A strand of hair had fallen over her cheek and across her lips. Her light breath was making the ends flutter, and I was positive that any second, it would tickle her awake. Careful to be slow and gentle, I lifted the strand from her face and tucked it behind her ear; it was silky between my fingers.
Kiera didn’t move, so I figured she was still asleep. I knew I shouldn’t, but her exposed cheek was calling to me. My breath sped in anticipation and my lips parted. She really was incredibly beautiful. Even emotionally drained, with light circles under her eyes, she was stunning. The pad of my thumb brushed against her cheekbone. Her skin was so soft, I wanted to cup it in my palm, feel more of it beneath my fingers. I wanted to rub my cheek against hers, brush my lips across it. But I was already crossing the line right now, and I wouldn’t cross it any farther. Kiera and I had the foundation of a really nice friendship. It seemed too simple when put in those terms, but it was the only way I could describe us, and I wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardize our relationship, or mine and Denny’s, even if he didn’t fully trust me.
I did my best over the next few days to make Kiera comfortable with her situation. Mainly I tried to keep her mind off it by filling up all of her free time. She unfortunately had a lot of time on her hands since she hadn’t started school yet.
The more time we spent together, the more I enjoyed her company. She was smart, funny, insightful, and a pleasure to look at, especially when I could make her cheeks flush bright red. She was also silly and playful when she broke out of her shell, a fun fact I discovered when I successfully got her to dance and sing with me at the grocery store. I was supposed to be getting her mind off her loneliness, but she was actually getting my mind off mine.
Sure, I flirted with girls on occasion, because a woman’s touch wasn’t something I was ready to give up just now, but I couldn’t even recall the last time I’d slept with someone. It felt like forever, but I rarely thought about sex anymore. Well, I rarely thought about sex with girls I didn’t know anymore. I did on occasion have steamy, and really inappropriate, thoughts about Kiera. And dreams. Sweet Jesus, the dreams. Some of the ones I had about her had me hard enough to cut glass when I woke up. But I didn’t let that affect our friendship, or my promise to Denny. Both people meant too much to me.
I was having a rather inappropriate thought about what she might look like soaking wet when I heard her knock on my door one evening. I’d just gotten out of the shower and was a little soaked myself when I told her she could come in.
Shoving away the image of water dripping between her breasts, I threw on a bright, friendly smile as she pushed the door open. “What’s up?”
She was standing in the doorway, staring at me with her mouth open. She probably hadn’t expected me to be only half dressed. She closed her mouth, attempted to compose herself, then started stammering. It was a cute reaction, and one I wasn’t used to. Maybe she thought about me naked too? No, no way.
“Um…I was wondering…if I could go with you…to Razors…listen to the band…”
“Really?” I grabbed my shirt off my bed, surprised. Razors was a small bar that we were playing at tonight. Kiera heard the band so often at Pete’s that hearing us there would be a little monotonous. If that was what she wanted though, I’d love her company. “You’re not sick of listening to me yet?” I winked as I put on my shirt. She had to be a little over it.
She swallowed, like she was still taken aback by my body. Hmmm, on second thought, maybe I should be half-naked in front of her more often. Her distraction was alluring.
Friends. Just friends.
“No…not yet,” she said. Almost as an afterthought, she added, “It will give me something to do, anyway.”
I laughed at her comment. It always came back to Denny, and the perpetual waiting game she was playing. Finished getting dressed, I went to my dresser to get the styling product I used on my hair and tousled up the mess into ordered chaos.