The Stand-In Boyfriend (Grove Valley High #1)(74)
“Why?”
“I never needed to prove I was into you. It’s obvious. She already got it.”
My heart slams in my throat and I feel like I’m going to burst into tears.
“Liv—”
He’s cut off by loud banging on his window, and I’ve never been so glad to see the members of his soccer team in my life. I open my door and stand. Just before I close the door, I look back in and see that Chase hasn’t moved. “We will talk, okay? Just not tonight. Tonight is about Jessie.” Then I close the door and make my way into the house without waiting for Chase to catch up.
The minute I step through the door, I know this is the party of Jessie’s dreams. It’s heaving with wall-to-wall people, everyone who’s anyone in school is here, and you can barely move without bumping into someone. A few people smile at me in greeting as I make my way through, but when they step toward me, their eyes lit up, I know it’s because Chase must have caught up to me. A second later his hand is on the small of my back and I know I’m right. I turn to face him and he’s already focused on me, ignoring the people trying to catch his attention, only he doesn’t look happy. He’s not angry either, just sort of distant, detached, like he’s not really here. His usual crowd swarms us almost instantly and I take the opportunity to inch away, telling him I’ll see him later then heading toward the kitchen where I imagine Jessie will be.
I keep my head down as I pass through the throngs of teenagers. I can’t be bothered to deal with anyone right now. Part of me wishes I wasn’t here at all. I want to be with Jessie and I want to celebrate his birthday, but I wish it were just me and him so we could actually talk, so I could actually try to figure this out, because I can’t like Chase—I just can’t. It’s all about Jessie; it always has been.
I see Tia out of the corner of my eye, chatting with some guy who looks like the boyfriend she’s described. She raises her hand in a wave but I don’t stop, don’t stop until I get to the kitchen and find Jessie leaning against the kitchen cupboards, surrounded by guys from his debate team, staring straight ahead, not paying attention to anyone.
I don’t go to him right away. Instead I stand just inside the doorway and look at him. I look at Jessie, this guy who has meant the world to me for so long, this guy I’ve been completely and utterly devoted to since I met him. This guy is capable of making me feel better than anyone else but more often than not makes me feel lower than I knew I could. I don’t know what’s going on between us anymore.
He turns my way and our eyes meet. A smile breaks out across his face and he steps away from his friends without another word, coming to stand in front of me within seconds.
I force myself to smile. “Happy Birthday, Jess.”
He smiles back. “I didn’t think you were coming.”
He’s staring into my eyes and I swallow hard. We both know there’s something weird going on. We can both sense it, but I refuse to acknowledge it. Now is not the time or place to deal with it. “I’d never miss your birthday.”
He pauses. “I’m sorry.”
He doesn’t have to tell me what he’s sorry for. I just know. I swallow down the lump in my throat. “It’s okay,” I tell him, feeling dangerously close to tears.
“I broke up with Courtney.”
I sigh, my breath feeling shaky. I’m not totally surprised though. I knew something was starting to change.
“Will you dance with me?”
My stomach lurches and I can’t tear my eyes away from his.
“Please, Livs, dance with me on my birthday.”
I hesitate and look around, chuckling nervously. “What?”
He cocks his head to the side, leveling me with his warm brown gaze. “There are people dancing in the front room.”
“You know I can’t dance.”
He doesn’t look away. “Liv—”
“I just…I don’t know…” I sigh. Chase is here. I can’t do this in front of Chase. “I can’t Jessie. Chase might—”
“Really? My best friend can’t dance with me on my birthday?”
That’s what changes it for me, because no matter what’s been going on between us, he’s my best friend and always has been. I’ll always do anything for him. He holds out his hand, and this time I take it.
I take it with a sick feeling in my stomach and let myself be led down the hallway into his front room. I fix my gaze ahead and ignore the stares I can feel on our locked hands. It’s something I would have been so happy about only a couple of months ago, but now it feels like a chain pulling me down, and I can’t get it out of my head that I’m doing something wrong.
We break through into his front room, and he wasn’t lying. There are tons of people here, crowded in and dancing together. The music switches to a slower beat and I would say it’s because the universe is against me, but as Jessie pulls me close to him and wraps his arms around me, I know even if a heavy metal song was playing right now, it wouldn’t stop him from pulling me in for a slow dance.
He pulls me in tighter, and it’s too much for me to deal with the way he’s looking at me so I rest my chin on his shoulder, my gaze fixed on nothing as my heartbeat thumps in my chest. I’ve dreamed of this, of being this close to him, but I never thought it would hurt this much, never thought it would make me feel this confused and stressed and emotional. He sways to the music, keeping rhythm with the beat, and I close my eyes, hoping when I open them again, things will become clearer, easier.