The Resurrection of Aubrey Miller(25)

Palmer: I see. (Sighs) Humans by nature are social creatures, Aubrey. Relationships are needed to sustain life and happiness. Perhaps your inability to avoid Kaeleb and Quinn is merely your inherent need for human interaction.
Me: I guess. Or perhaps Kaeleb and Quinn just wore me down until I had no choice other than to let them into my morbid existence.
Palmer: (Chuckles) Perhaps.
Me: So…
Palmer: So…back to why you’re here. (Clears throat) These feelings you’re experiencing, that you’re unable to repress, I think it’s time to acknowledge them. Life is about balance, Aubrey. You have moments in your life that have been too painful for you to mentally accept and overcome, so you block them for your own protection, but there is so much that you also suppress along with them. Life, love, relationships, happiness…these are all things that can counter the negative, making the pain bearable and I think once you find that balance, you will be able to cope with your past.
Me: (Swallows) This is starting to feel dangerously like a therapy session.
Palmer: No. That’s just my advice as your friend. Take it or leave it.
Me: Friend?
Palmer: Yes, imagine that. Three new friends all in the matter of months. There may be hope for you yet, my dear.
Me: (Smiles) Maybe. But don’t count on it.
Palmer: (Laughs)
Session 12:
(One month ago)
Palmer: Thank you for trusting me with the actual story of your sister’s passing. I know that was difficult for you.
Me: (Wipes tears and pulls blanket tighter around shoulders) It was. It’s still painful, though. It physically hurts to talk about it.
Palmer: Which is to be expected. The wound is still very raw, but the more you acknowledge the memory and discuss it, you will find the experience to be less trying. Now, let’s balance.
Me: (Clears throat) Well, um, she was very beautiful. Angelic almost with her huge blue eyes and her golden blonde hair. She was filled with so much life. It encapsulated her. And energy…God, I used to laugh so hard at her. She would always shake her tiny bottom in my face and giggle. Her laughter. Her giggles. (Smiles widely) They were absolutely contagious. Still are evidently.
Palmer: (Grins back) Yes, it seems they are. How do you feel now? Talking about her in a more positive light?
Me: (Inhales) Better.
Palmer: Good. Let’s try diving into uncharted territory. Your mother. Her death. Do you think you can discuss it?
Me: Not sure, I’ll try though.(Exhales) Um, she died, obviously.
Palmer: (Expressionless)
Me: My father said she died of a broken heart. Not too long after Adley. I didn’t see her much after that because she locked herself in their room and wouldn’t come out for days at a time. She refused to eat. She wouldn’t talk to me or my father. She just ceased to exist until one day she just…didn’t.
Palmer: (Inhales and exhales deeply) And your feelings about that?
Me: (Shrugs shoulders) It hurts, you know? That she chose that path, that I wasn’t enough for her to want to live. But in essence, I was the reason Adley died, so I guess I can see why. And I guess you can say that I’m the reason my mother died as well.
Palmer: (Shakes head) You were not the reason Adley died. Accidents happen. This one, unfortunately, ended in a regrettable way, but they do happen. There were many other factors involved. Your parents, for instance, should have been watching her. You were six years old, Aubrey. That responsibility was not yours to bear. And like you already stated, your mother’s death was her choice. Hers. Neither was your fault. You need to come to terms with that and accept it or we will never be able to get you past this atypical fear of death.
Me: (Sighs loudly) Well, I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree on that.
Palmer: (Growls) Okay. For now. (Steeples his fingers) Can we move into your father’s death then?
Me: No.
Palmer. (Eyebrows raise) No?
Me: No.
Palmer: Do you know when you will be comfortable discussing his passing?
Me: Never.
Session 23:
(Two days ago, right after final exams)
Palmer: Your hair is lighter today. And the brown contacts could actually pass for normal. It’s a good look for you.
Me: (Fingers bottom of hair)Yeah. I just wanted to try something different.
Palmer: (Fails miserably at hiding his grin) So, how did your exams go?
Me: They went well, I think.
Palmer: Your coursework…not easy classes. Why did you choose them?
Me: Honestly?
Palmer: (Nods)
Me: Well, I’ve always excelled in the sciences, so the courses just seemed the obvious choices.
Palmer: (Cocks eyebrow)
Me: (Sighs) And the fact that I wouldn’t have to work with other people, or depend on their participation in stupid projects, definitely was part of the reason I chose them.
Palmer: I see. Well, have you thought about going pre-med? You undoubtedly will have the core curricula to continue down that path.
Me: (Flashes palms) Whoa there, Doc. One step at a time. I’m just trying to survive my freshman year.
Palmer: (Chuckles) Which you are successfully managing to do. And Kaeleb and Quinn? How are they faring?
Me: (Rolls eyes) Kaeleb is annoying. He’s been whistling “You are my Sunshine” when he sees me. Has been for months now. Even in front of his girlfriend of the week. She hates it. And Quinn continues to be oblivious to my history with Kaeleb. (Bites bottom lip) She’s still not eating very much, and under Sabrina’s influence, it’s becoming less and less while her marathon miles continue stacking up. I’m worried about her.
Palmer: (Grunts) I can see why. (Leans forward) Are you still considering telling her about you and Kaeleb? Your history as you call it?