The Resurrection of Aubrey Miller(23)

I cry my way through, until the memory finally recedes and there are no tears left to cry, and even after that my body still shakes with silent sobs as Kaeleb continues to hold me the entire time.
By the time I’m completely done with my release, I’m sitting in Kaeleb’s lap with his arms still around me and his chin upon my head. With my cheek lying against his chest, I listen as the rhythmic beating of his heart draws me dangerously close to sleep.
Through the slits in my eyes, it becomes obvious to me that I’ve have been taken to an office of sorts. I’m assuming it’s an office, based on the diplomas and certificates hanging on the wall in front of me, but I haven’t read them. I’ve been focusing on the cracks in the leather of the couch we’ve been sitting on for God only knows how long with a blanket wrapped around me, offering a small comfort within its warmth.
After a while, I let out a long exhale.
“Do you remember her?” I probe, my voice thick.
“Hmmm?” Kaeleb’s chest vibrates against my cheek.
“Adley. Do you remember her?”
My head rises with his deep breath. “I do.”
Finding security as I twist the fringe of the blanket around my index finger, I ask, “Do you remember me?”
His answer is instantaneous. “How could I ever forget you?”
My breath stills with the candor of his statement and guilt floods my being, all too aware of how I willingly banned him from my memories long ago.
“When did you know?”
Another inhale. “The first night I saw you in the dorm.”
I run through our interactions since that night and immediately want to smack my forehead for being so oblivious. His constant emphasis on the name Raven, the fact that he never once asked me about my family or my past, the stupid skating accident where he took many dishonest liberties while recounting—every one of them so obvious now.
“Why didn’t you just tell me? I feel so stupid.”
The leather creaks under Kaeleb’s weight as he shifts underneath me, pressing me away from his chest and curling his fingers over my shoulders. His thumbs dig into my flesh, and his eyes are firm when they lock onto mine. “I couldn’t just tell you.”
He clenches his jaw tightly and shakes his head. “Jesus, Bree…I had to keep it to myself until I felt you could handle it. Handle me. And you still passed out even though it’s been months now. Could you imagine if I’d said something to you that first night, without giving you time to know me again?”
Point taken.
“I dropped little hints here and there, but when you didn’t catch on, I started making them more obvious hoping you would figure it out on your own. But you didn’t. Or wouldn’t. So I decided to just tell you. I couldn’t keep it inside any longer. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”
I nod slightly, accepting his answer. How can I not? He’s absolutely right.
“I knew,” I respond through a ragged breath. “When you saw the scar, I knew. Deep down. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself, I think. It was too much. It’s still too much, actually.”
Kaeleb releases one of my shoulders and runs his hand over my hair while giving me a soft smile. “Hey…you survived my telling you. That’s a start.” He lifts his hand to graze my cheek with his knuckle and after a deep inhale, he adds, “God, I’ve missed you. So much.”
His arms are once again around me as he pulls me back in for an embrace. Hesitantly, I settle my cheek on his shoulder, the whole encounter this morning running through my mind. As I mentally recall his actions, his words, a couple of statements jump out at me.
“Did you call me sweetheart?”
Kaeleb’s shoulders bob with silent laughter. “I did.”
“And babe?”
“As I recall.”
This time it’s me who pushes away to get a better view of his face. My left eyebrow rises. “Why would you do that?” He continues laughing. “Seriously, Kaeleb. I’m not one of your harem. Don’t expect me to follow you around, fanning you with feathers just because you called me some patronizing terms of endearment.”
“Okaaaaay,” he relents, tapping his finger against his chin in thought. “I’m assuming gorgeous is off the table?”
I cock my head and give him a deadpan expression, which results in more of his obnoxious laughter until his lips finally settle into a thoughtful smile. “What if I call you Sunshine? It’s not demeaning in the least. And I’ll go ahead and keep that one specifically reserved for you, since, you know, you’re not part of my harem and all.” His eyes tighten a fraction when he adds, “I’m officially offended by the way.”
My head jerks a little at his suggestion. Sunshine? I’m anything but a warm ray of sunshine. I’m dark, dreary, morbid. Definitely not sunshine material.
As though reading my mind, Kaeleb offers, “You’ve always been my sunshine. Ever since we were kids.” He tightens his gaze. “I know you’re still in there, Bree. And I will find you.”
Just as the intensity of the moment peaks, he offers me a crooked smile. “You are gorgeous by the way.” His grin widens as he raises his hand, his thumb brushing lightly across the tiny skull pierced into my dimple. “Even though you jacked up your face with all those piercings and dyed the shit out of your hair. Don’t even get me started on the contacts.”
I narrow my eyes, but I can’t fight the smile that breaks across my face as I punch him in the shoulder, his infectious laughter filling the room.