The Resurrection of Aubrey Miller(22)

Daddy stops and looks at me over his shoulder. His face is red and wet with his tears as he says, “My baby’s gone…my baby’s gone.”
He no longer pushes on her chest, but scoops her into his arms and pulls her tightly against him as he cries and screams. Adley’s arms hang down and her hands drag across the tile as Daddy rocks her back and forth, brushing through her hair with his fingers like he always does. After one time through, his fingers are coated in blood.
My baby is gone.
My legs lose their strength and I fall to my knees as Daddy keeps crying and Mommy continues yelling in the living room.
I can’t breathe.
After a while, all the noise disappears. I don’t hear anything else as my eyes lock onto Adley’s, whose chin is resting on Daddy’s shoulder, her head moving back and forth with him as he rocks.
Her blue eyes aren’t alive and happy anymore.
They’re dead.
She’s dead.
Daddy stops. He looks back through the door and then lets Adley’s body go, placing his hand flat on her chest as he lays her on the floor. Her blonde hair is streaked with red and her lips are blue.
My throat is tight as I watch Daddy cover her with a towel before he goes, leaving me alone with her. I try to stand, but I can’t, so I just crawl across the floor to my sister, my hands sliding on the wet tiles as I pull my heavy legs behind me.
Using my shaking fingers, I remove the wet pieces of hair from her face.
She really hates that.
Once the hair is gone and I can see her eyes, I finally let myself cry. I cry as I lean over and kiss her forehead. I cry as I kiss her on the cheek. I cry as I give her the last hug I will ever give her. I cry as I pick up her tiny hand, bringing it to my mouth before holding it in mine. I cry as I lay my head on her quiet chest. I cry as I focus on her chubby toes. I cry as I curl my arm around her waist and squeeze her as tightly as I can.
“I’m so sorry, Adley,” I whisper through my tears. “I’m so sorry I didn’t share my toys with you. I’m so sorry I didn’t play with you more. I’m so sorry I always called you a baby. I’m so sorry for telling Mommy that you were the one that drew on the wall.”
The words get stuck in my throat, but I swallow and keep on talking just in case she can hear me. I need her to hear me. “I’m so, so sorry I didn’t tell you how much I love you every single day. Because I do. I love you so much.”
The lump in my throat swells so big it feels like I swallowed a rock, but I keep speaking even though it hurts. I have to.
“But most of all, I’m sorry I didn’t watch you in the bathtub. I’m sorry I turned the water on and made it too deep. I’m sorry I didn’t make you stop sliding like Mommy said.” I hug her tighter. “If it weren’t for me, you’d still be here.”
My body shakes against hers as I continue to cry.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…”
I hold her and whisper to her until Mommy and Daddy rush into the bathroom with a bunch of people following them. Before I know it, I’m yanked off my sister into my daddy’s arms. I watch as the men do the same thing that Daddy was doing earlier, but I know it won’t work.
Adley is gone.
And it’s all my fault.
I’m still surrounded by darkness as my body shoots up, gasping for air. I clutch my chest, trying to get air into my lungs, but it feels as though a four-hundred pound gorilla has been camped there for about a year.
“Aubrey?” The sound of a deep voice reverberates in my mind, barely filtering through the dimness that drowns it.
I can’t breathe.
My body quakes everywhere as the memory of the loss of my sister still lingers. Ice has replaced the blood in my veins. I’m so cold.
“Aubrey. I’m here.” The voice is stronger now. I can hear it more clearly.
Bwee! Bwee!
“Adley!” An unrecognizable shrill fills the air with my screams. “Adley, I’m so sorry!” The pain in my chest tightens with the memory of her lying there on the floor, lifeless. With my eyes closed tightly, I cover them with my hands as I cry, knowing that I’m trapped somewhere between the past and the present. My head shakes back and forth as I try to clear my mind and find my way. It’s so dark here.
A blanket encompasses my body as two strong hands grab tightly onto my shoulders and pulls me into two even stronger arms. “Shhhh…shhhh...I’m here, sweetheart,” the voice coos. “You’ve got to breathe, babe, or you’re going to pass out again.”
Eyes still cemented shut, I force an inhale and a soothing scent washes over me, instantly replacing the bitter coldness with the warmth of familiarity.
Kaeleb.
Through the blanket, I fist his stupid hoodie and pull him as close to me as I can. The heat from his hand sifts through my hair as I hold onto him tightly, breathing him in until my chest expands and the pressure finally releases. And just like with Quinn, in this moment another tiny fracture splits open and the warmth that surrounds me seeps into my cold heart, reigniting the space that he had claimed so many years ago.
“I miss her so much, Kaeleb,” I mumble into his chest, finally finding my way back into the present. I watch from afar as the door closes, shutting the past away, but not the pain. It’s still very much here and alive within me. “It hurts.”
“I know it does.” Sobs escape me and his arms tighten around my body. “Let it out, Bree. You have to. You need to.”
Unable to fight the memory of the loss of my sister any longer, I’m given no choice other than to let the emotions flow. Each replay that flashes in my mind of her lying there on the cold floor shreds my chest to pieces. The pain is agonizing.