The Resurrection of Aubrey Miller(30)

It’s almost October, and classes started about a month ago, right after Quinn and I got settled into our very first apartment. Linda wasn’t too keen on the idea in the beginning, but after spending the summer together, I was able to eventually sell her on the fact that I was ready. Ready to be off campus and living with my best friend, with no RA or curfews, or rules for that matter. I could understand her hesitation, but I also knew she could see how much I had changed over the course of my freshman year.
The summer with her was, well, the absolute best summer of my life. We laughed until we cried, we visited every single amusement park within a three-hundred mile radius, we watched sappy movies and sighed as girls often do, and we went camping in the rugged outdoors. I even squealed like a girl when she presented me with my very own car, and the look on her face was one of such pride and pure joy when she handed over the keys—it’s a moment I never want to forget.
Actually, the whole summer was full of them. I never knew how much I adored her until I was finally brave enough to accept her into my heart. And honestly, I’m proud of that fact. I’m proud of myself. I don’t think I could love any person any more than I do her.
Well, except the two goofballs still staring at me in the mirror.
“It’s not that bad, guys,” I sulk, setting my hair dryer on the counter.
“It’s unfortunate is what it is,” Kaeleb deadpans while Quinn stifles a giggle.
“It’s definitely not brown now,” she adds, hopping to the floor.
I decided today to take a step away from my brown dye job and try something different. While I’m not ready to see myself as a blonde quite yet, I wanted something out of my norm, something less gloomy, so red with my go-to electric blue streaks is what I tried. When the color didn’t take the first time, I bleached it and tried it again with a more intense hue. The result? Cinnamon colored hair with blue streaks.
Well, it could be worse.
Maybe.
“I’m thinking I should call you Rainbow Brite instead of Sunshine until this situation…” Kaeleb circles his hand around my head, “sorts itself out.”
“Shut up, Ass. Besides, Rainbow Brite had blonde hair.” I rise from my chair.
“As do you,” he replies, a cocky grin on his face.
Rolling my eyes, I shove his shoulder, almost knocking him off the counter. He just chuckles and repositions himself closer to the mirror.
“You know what would make it better?” Quinn asks, fingering through my hair, fluffing it and fanning it across my shoulders. “I mean, you don’t have to, but it would tie in with the blue if you,” she shoots a timid glance to Kaeleb before looking back to my reflection, “took out your contacts.”
I caved last year and told her my natural hair and eye color, and there isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t mention one of them.
Threading a section of hair in between my fingers, I flip it up for examination and inhale deeply, finding myself surprised that I’m actually considering this option. The black box sitting on my counter catches my eye, and I glance back at my face in the mirror.
One month ago, I removed every one of my piercings. Every single one. No more barbells, no more skull studs in my dimples, no more loops lining the shell of my ear, and no more ring dangling from the septum in my nose. A small hole still remains where it once speared through the skin, but the others seem to be healing nicely and are barely noticeable. My long hair and bangs tend to cover a lot of them anyway.
But removing the contacts? Well, the thought fills me with a sharp apprehension. Eyes, they say, are the window to the soul, and regardless of the progress I’ve made over the last year, there’s still a part of me that fears that my soul is nothing more than a black shadow lurking inside my being, ready to strike down and devour those who mean the most to me.
In my own warped and twisted mind, I fear that their removal will only serve to open the doorway, releasing death and allowing it to run rampant, once again giving it free reign over my life while endangering the lives of others.
“Death just is, Aubrey. In Raven, you seek to control something which is not meant, or able, to be controlled. And in doing so, you are harnessing your own life. Forbidding yourself the full experience of it.”
Palmer’s words race through my mind and I’m instantly reminded of the silent vow I made to myself at the end of last year.
I will not let the fear of death rule my life any longer.
Glancing up as I deliberate, my eyes find Quinn in the mirror, nibbling her bottom lip and bouncing nervously off the floor, before sliding over to Kaeleb, still sitting on the counter as he looks back at me. His knee is propped up, his arm draped across it casually, but his eyes are watching me intensely. Our stares lock as he dips his head in my direction, scrutinizing me. His face is so full of projected determination that it’s a couple of seconds before I can finally tear my gaze away from his, and focus on my reflection once again.
I pause to take a deep breath and exhale it forcefully. My hand trembles as I lift it from the counter, and bring it to my right eye. Using my thumb and forefinger, I pinch the surface of the contact and slowly extract it. After blinking a couple of times, I open both of my eyes and stare. Quinn covers her mouth behind me and Kaeleb grins like it’s Christmas.
One blue eye, one brown.
One down, one to go.
Still shaking, I raise my hand once again and perform the same ritual with the left eye. Once the contact is removed, I set it on the counter beside the other one and take a step back. The chair moves along with me and Quinn steps around it, taking her place by my side.