The Randy Romance Novelist(75)
“It will be like sipping wine at church,” Delaney said, jumping up and down. “You will guzzle, wipe, and then say, ‘Glory be to the Dong’.”
“You don’t have to do that.” I shook my head, not wanting to offend anyone. Being a Catholic girl myself, I knew how sensitive people could be.
“Dong be with you,” Delaney said, holding out her arms to everyone, as if she was blessing each and every one of their penis straws.
And in unison, the ladies said back, “And also with you.”
Laughter ensued after, and I couldn’t tamp it back anymore. Baby beast got the best of me.
“Will you dick jerkers let me finish what I’m trying to say?” I screamed, pounding my foot on the chair I was standing on and clenching my fists to the side.
All laughter ceased and the room fell silent. My eyes were closed shut so I could scream loud enough for the next six blocks to hear, so I wasn’t aware of the looks I was getting until I peeked one peeper open and saw the horrified faces staring up at me.
“Heh,” I laughed, relaxing my shoulders. “That wasn’t awkward at all. Look at us, all having fun.” I cleared my throat while Delaney pulled on my arm. I squatted down to hear what she had to say.
“Are you all right?”
“Chipper as a chocolate chippy,” I smiled, hating my response. “Just want to make sure everyone hears the game options we have to offer tonight. Don’t want to make one of the games feel left out. That wouldn’t be fair, now would it?”
“Why do your eyes look like they are about to bulge out of their sockets? Are you high?”
“On life,” I patted her shoulder. “I am very high on life.” I stood up and faced the crowd once again. “Sorry about the brief intermission from Cranky McCrankPants. It won’t happen again. Ahem, as I was saying, after the Dong Bong Olympics, we will scoot over to our last event, the smashing of the penis pi?ata. Be sure to wear your protective dickwear when we get to that event.” I laughed and put on the penis sunglasses I got for everyone. I poked the lenses and said, “No cock shards are going through these bad boys.”
My little outburst had really killed the mood, so instead of continuing to run my mouth, I hoisted my arm in the air and said, “Let the games begin.”
I held it high and still, waiting for a cheer from the crowd, but everyone stood silent, judging me still.
“Let the games begin,” Delaney repeated, which caused everyone to cheer and don their elephant condoms.
It was going to be that kind of night.
***
“Look at me, I’m jizzing on everyone!” Delaney shouted, completely drunk and hanging onto the penis bull, not letting go. She was currently the only one left with the elephant condom on her leg, since she was smart enough to take off her heels and not poke a hole through the latex.
I inwardly made a joke to myself that Legacy must have made the condoms, because they were really good at breaking, hence the inner beast living inside of me, wanting to awake and disturb everyone’s fun.
“You really are, way to jiz,” I congratulated Delaney.
After cucumber carving, which was won by one of Delaney’s co-workers, Madge, we played pin the penis on Derk. What I thought was going to be a quick game turned into a selfie opportunity for every woman. Beelzebub was really itching to free itself at that point in time. I excused myself and dove my head into a pile of cocktail wieners, basking in the smoky flavor. Now we were riding the penis and Delaney refused to fall off.
If that penis was a piece of clothing, she would be its static cling, never falling off, despite the “jiz” raining down on her. Every once in a while she would yell out a “yippee” or a “hazzah” over her triumph of the penis’s twists and turns.
Despite the time she was eating up riding giant cock, I had to admit how impressive it was to see her hang on for dear life. She was inebriated from Cum Guzzlers, she wore a condom on her leg, and her dress rode up her backside, exposing her crack for everyone to see. She must have known that was going to happen because her thong matched her outfit perfectly. The girl always focused on the details, good for her.
“Hazzah!” she shouted again, after holding on through a big jerk.
I glanced over at the attendant of the machine and noticed he was starting to get frustrated. So was I, so I took matters into my own hands. I walked nonchalantly over to the attendant and said, “This five-dollar bill right here is all yours if you turn that dick up to the highest setting and blast her off the damn thing.”
“That’s a piece of celery,” the man said, looking down at my “five-dollar bill.”
I nodded. “I’m aware. Please make this end.”
“My pleasure.”
With a devious smile on his face, he cranked the dial up to the hardest level, and with one jerk to the side, Delaney went flying into the side of the ring, condom rolling off her leg and slapping Madge right in the face.
“My condom!” Delaney groaned. “Damn you, Madge.”
Before things could get out of hand, I took the condom from Madge and handed it over to Delaney, while I helped her out of the penis riding pit.
“I think that’s enough riding for now. How about we settle down for a second, take a breather, and maybe just talk about the wedding.”
“Never!” Delaney shouted and started chanting, “Bring the dong. Bring the dong.”