The Randy Romance Novelist(74)
He chuckled and then took off. There was some serious tension between the two of us, a kind of tension I couldn’t put my finger on. We were awkward around each other for the first time since we met in college. I wondered if it was from the lack of sex in our relationship. Had it been so long that now we didn’t know how to be around each other?
Henry had been working very long nights. I felt like I barely saw him anymore, and when I did, I was losing my damn mind so much over failing at a game against a cat that I didn’t stop jamming my head against a door long enough to spend time with him.
I ran my hands through my hair and thought about the rough month we’d had. I wanted to believe it was the baby making me crazy, that Henry’s job was taking a toll on him, and not from us slowly drifting apart.
Was the honeymoon phase over? Was this what it was like after the big dramatic kiss at the end of a romance movie? Awkward confusion between couples?
I wasn’t sure. My entire life consisted of me consuming love story after love story, believing in an eternity of passion between two people. Now that I was living the love story I always dreamed of having, it didn’t seem so happily ever after.
Not wanting to focus on my relationship right now, or lack thereof, I finished up my makeup, pinned my hair up, so half of it was caressing my back and the other half was twisted on the top of my head, and then headed out to the party area. There was a section to hang our coats and set our purses down, so I stuffed my travel bag in the corner and went on one more walk around of the room to make sure everything was perfect before Delaney arrived.
***
“This is everything I could have dreamed of,” Delaney complimented me, as she spun around the room in awe. “I don’t even know which dick to focus on, there are millions. Even the confetti on the tables are dicks.” Delaney turned to me and pulled me into a hug. “You did so well. Thank you, Rosie.”
“You’re welcome. I’m so glad you’re happy with it.”
“Ma’am, your drink,” a waiter came up from behind us, holding out the penis sippy cup I got for Delaney, full of the signature drink I picked out for her.
I picked up the drink and thanked the waiter. “This is for you. The drink is called Cum Guzzler. It’s a coconut infused rum with pineapple juice and cherry grenadine.”
“Sounds like I’m going to be a Cum Guzzler tonight, because this sounds delicious!” She took the penis cup and inhaled a giant sip. Once she tasted the signature drink, she said, “This is one batch of cum I have no problem swallowing.”
I made a note to myself to remember that for a book. I tried to commit this entire party to memory; it would be good material for future stories.
Delaney examined the rest of the room while I greeted guests, handed out penis straws and goody bags, and showed everyone where they could put their purses. Delaney invited around forty women, and almost all of them said they were going to make it.
The main reason Delaney had so many people at her party was because they were mainly co-workers and they were all just as raunchy as Delaney. They would never miss a good penis party.
They wore their whistles, blew them with pride, stroked Derk’s life-size body, eyed the pink bull riding penis, and devoured every last wiener food there was.
Once everyone was in attendance, I stood on top of a chair to gain everyone’s attention while blowing my whistle.
The room fell silent and all eyes were on me. “Thank you all for coming today. I am the maid of honor, Rosie.” I pointed to my penis pin that Henry made me. “I will be your host for tonight, so if you need anything, you let me know. I see that you helped yourself to food and drinks already. I will be sure to ask the kitchen to make some more snacks. Before the festivities get started, I wanted to go over a couple of things. First of all, you were all handed an elephant condom when you walked in. That is for you to wear on your leg. Last person with it still rolled tight on their appendage at the end of the night will win a special prize. Let’s just say it fits in with the theme of the party.”
“I think it’s a dick, ladies!” Delaney screamed and everyone cheered. I refrained from rolling my eyes.
“Secondly, we’ll be moving around the room in a circle when it comes to activities. We’ll start with penis carving, followed by pin the penis on Derk . . .”
“Everyone better aim for his eyeballs, because I’m taking the win on that game,” Delaney once again shouted, followed by more giggles.
“After the penis pinning,” I carried on, “we’ll be getting our ride on. I’ve been told if you stay on the bull for more than eight seconds, it will jiz into the crowd. I’ve marked off the splash zone with those two penis construction cones over there. If you are looking to be sprayed, then those cones will be your best friends.”
“Let’s all get squirted in the eye tonight, ladies. Walk around like a bunch of one-legged condom-covered pirates. Am I right, mateys?”
Cheers erupted, cutting me off one more time.
The devil child wanted to run its arm up my throat and choke Delaney with its fetus fist, but I tamped it down, reminding Beelzebub that this was Delaney’s night, and if she wanted to continue to incessantly interrupt me . . . then that was her right.
Gritting my teeth, I continued. “Then we will move over to the Dong Bong Olympics to see who can guzzle the most cum within in a minute.”