The Randy Romance Novelist(47)

Derk grew serious. He turned to me and held out his hand as he counted off symptoms. “Erratic behavior, weight gain, horny, and a heavy *. She’s pregnant.”

“No way. If she was pregnant, then wouldn’t she be throwing up everywhere? And how the f*ck would you even know? You’re not a doctor.”

“Yeah, but my dad is a gynecologist. I know way too much about the female body; things no man should know. Your girl is knocked up. You’re a baby daddy.”

Anger started to boil inside of me. There was no way Rosie was pregnant. Yes, she was acting weird, and maybe her boobs seemed a little bigger than normal, but that could go hand in hand with her weight gain. We used condoms every time and none of them ever broke. I made sure to check.

“She’s not pregnant,” I shook my head in denial, even though there was a voice in the back of my head agreeing with Derk.

“Okay, but don’t tell me I didn’t tell you so.”

We sat in silence as I thought about the bomb Derk just dropped on me. Rosie . . . pregnant. Shit, we weren’t ready for a baby. Could we even afford a baby right now? Our Broadway apartment would probably have to be leased out to someone else, especially if I didn’t get that promotion. Would we even want to raise a kid in the city?

Fuck, did she want a kid with me? What if she didn’t want kids? What if she didn’t want to have a future with me? Having kids with another person pretty much cements them in your life forever. Would she want to be my forever?

“You’re sweating, a lot,” Derk pointed out.

I could feel the sweat dripping down my back. In a matter of seconds, my life was flipped upside down. Was she really pregnant? I tried to think of the last time she had her period. Had she even had her period since we’d been together?

“Holy shit,” I breathed out heavily.

“What?” Derk asked, his body completely turned to mine, concern laced in his eyes.

“This is going to be a really stupid question, but women get their period every month, right?”

“Yeah. Menstruation comes like clockwork every month . . . unless they’re pregnant.”

I gulped.

“Maybe sometimes you don’t notice when they’re on their period?” I asked, hoping this was the truth.

“Well, according to the number of times you have sex a week, there is no way you wouldn’t notice. That shit would be bloody man. Plus, if Rosie is anything like Delaney when she’s going through that bloody cycle shit, then she would be spitting fire every time you looked at her.”

“Fuck . . .” My head fell in my hands as I leaned up against the bar. Derk patted me on the back.

“Congrats dude, you got your girlfriend pregnant. And judging by your timeline, I’m guessing you planted your seed on your first try. Did you condom it up?”

“Of course I did, Christ!” I shook my head, shock shaking my entire core. “Fucking condoms, what good are they anyway?”

“They really aren’t. My dad always told me the best form of birth control is abstinence.”

“I hate you right now.”

I wanted to plow my head through the wooden bar right now, anything to help me forget this moment. Anything to erase the knowledge I just stumbled upon. My girlfriend was pregnant.

“Hey, it’s not that bad. You want to marry her, right?”

“Of course, I do.” I answered honestly. “I want nothing more to make her my wife and start a family with her, but I wanted to do that with time. We’ve been together for a few months. We’re still figuring each other out. I don’t want her to think I want to marry her just because she’s having my baby, plus, I don’t feel financially ready for this. Babies cost a lot.”

“That they do, but it’s the risk you take when having sex.”

“Fuck you,” I laughed. “Shit, and I’m up for a promotion; I need to get that job now. If I have any hope of making a good life for us, I need to get that job.”

“You’re up for a promotion? That’s exciting. I’m sure you’ll get it.”

I snorted, straight up snorted, and couldn’t believe my damn luck.

“Yeah, guess what I have to do in order to get the job?”

“Don’t say suck your boss off or anything. I would lose all respect for you, man. Not because it would be some guy-on-guy action, but because you don’t have to get ahead by performing sexual favors.”

I held up my hand to stop Derk. “That’s not it at all. I have to come up with a brilliant campaign for Legacy.”

“Legacy?” Derk thought about it for a second and then threw his head back and laughed. “The condom company? Oh, f*ck, that’s great. How perfect. How’s that going for you?”

“Not good now,” I huffed, downing the rest of my beer. “And to make it better, I have to go up against Tasha for the job.”

“Tasha, as in your ex-girlfriend?”

“The one and only,” I replied.

“Does Rosie know this?”

“She knows about Tasha, not the promotion. I didn’t want to get her involved, or have her worry about it. The only reason she knows about Tasha is because I was working late one night and lo and behold, she tried to surprise me by showing up in nothing but a trench coat. To her demise, Tasha worked late as well and was all up in my business.”