Sweetest Venom (Virtue #2)(51)

“Poor man.” I resume chopping the garlic cloves, pretending to pay particular and meticulous attention to what I’m doing. “Hope you weren’t too hard on him.”

“Eh, he’ll survive,” Elly says saucily.

I chuckle ruefully.

Elly takes a sip of wine and then swirls the liquid in her glass, seemingly waging her next statement. “Blaire … I don’t think he’s over you.”

“Don’t say that,” I whisper but my heart begins to beat so loudly I can barely hear my own thoughts through it.

An image of Ronan and Rachel hanging out by the fire, laughing, his arms around her waist, her hand buried in the back pocket of his jeans as they chatted with Elly and Alessandro and the rest of the guests flashes in my mind. I could have had that if I hadn’t been a fool, but now Ronan is with Rachel and there’s nothing I can do.

“You’re wrong, Elly.” I place the knife on the counter and turn to face her. “He hates me.”

“I’m not so sure about that. He’s lying to himself, Blaire. I can feel it. Whenever he thinks that no one is looking, he follows your every move. He can’t take his eyes off you.”

“Stop it, Elly,” I plead, going mad. Stop giving me hope. “He brought Rachel. He’s obviously with her.”

“Just because they’re f*cking doesn’t mean that they’re in love.” Elly chews her bottom lip. “But I’ve got to admit that I’m not sure what to do about her.”

“Nothing!”

She raises a staying hand. “He seems to be into her, I’ll give you that, but he doesn’t look at her the way he looks at you.”

“And how is that?” I ask softly, barely able to get the words out.

“Seriously, Blaire. I can’t believe how blind you are. The man looks at you as though you are the center of his universe. It’s obvious that he’s mad as f*ck, but—”

“Please let it go, Elly,” I beg. “Sometimes things can’t be fixed.”

She purses her lips. “I thought you were done with lies.”

“I am. But denial,” I reach for her glass, take a large gulp, and hand it back to her, “is the only thing holding me together since he arrived. Come on, let’s cook.”

I tell Elly to go set the table up and that I’ll finish cooking. I’m not sure how good it will taste, but how hard is it to cook meat sauce and boil spaghetti? Once the timer goes off, I drain the pasta and transfer it to a plate. I’m looking for the olive oil when I sense him behind me. I freeze on the spot the moment we come into contact.

“Where’s Lawrence?”

I shiver, feeling his large body pressed behind me. I swallow and shake my head, the fear of being alone with him, of being caught by someone walking into the kitchen, and of wanting him so much makes me dizzy. I place both of my hands on the countertop for support.

“I—we’re not together anymore,” I breathe.

Slowly, he places both of his hands on top of mine, caging me between his arms. “Did he get bored of you?” he drawls.

“No …” I know I should turn around and walk away from Ronan, breaking his spell on me, but it’s impossible. He owns me even after all this time. “It’s not like that. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I l—”

“Quiet.” He pushes me against the countertop, the edge digging into my stomach. “I can’t think when I’m around you,” he hisses.

“There’s so much that I have to explain …”

“What do you want from me?” he whispers harshly in my ear. “Why is it every time I think I’m moving on and things seem to be going well, you come back into my life and f*ck with everything? Reminding me of what I can’t have?”

Cursing, he presses his lips on my jaw and begins to trace a path down my throat and up my neck, raising goose bumps all over my body. Fear mingles with excitement. Yearning with reality. Want with need.

He thrusts his fingers past the waistline of my jeans and underwear, finding me. “But I don’t give a f*ck anymore.” He begins an assault on all my senses with his touch, making me moan with pleasure. “Always so responsive. Did you react to him like this, huh?”

It’s the emotionless way that he speaks to me and how cold his voice sounds that breaks the hypnotic hold that he has over me. It’s as though he’s here physically, touching me, making me his, punishing me while his heart remains untouched. I push myself away from the counter and spin on my feet until we’re staring at each other.

“What’s wrong with you?” I wrap my arms around me to stop myself from shaking, feeling so dirty. “What’s f*cking wrong with me?”

He chuckles amusingly.

“You were never this cruel, Ronan,” I cry.

The laughter leaves his face and it’s replaced by a quiet fury that burns in his eyes. He leans down until our mouths almost touch and our breaths fuse as one. “You. You are what is wrong with me,” He lifts a hand about to touch me, but pulls it back, clenching it into a fist. “I want to know how to live without you,” he utters angrily, his brown gaze stormy. “But I don’t f*cking know how.”

I take a step forward about to reach for him. “Ronan …”