Sweetest Venom (Virtue #2)(53)
“You win.”
I open my eyes swiftly and look in the direction of his voice. As my sight grows accustomed to the dark, I recognize Ronan’s form sitting in the accent chair by the window, the moonlight illuminating his face. Unable to speak, I watch as he rises and strolls toward me.
“Let’s hear what you have to say.”
I remain silent, incapable of uttering a coherent thought.
“What happened?” he asks, sarcasm dripping from his words. “You were so eager to explain things earlier. Well, now’s your chance.”
“No …” I protest weakly. I clear my voice and summon all the strength that I possess to deny him and do the right thing. “There’s no point now. Go back to Rachel.”
“Rachel’s gone—it’s over between us. It’s just you and me. Are you happy now?”
When he’s standing an inch away from me, it takes every ounce of willpower I own not to fall down to his feet asking him to forgive me. “I’m not happy, Ronan. How could I be after everything that I’ve done?”
“I see.” He chuckles, running a hand through his hair. “So this is your act now? Save it for another unsuspecting bastard, Blaire. You don’t need to put on a show for me. I’ve already told you that you won. I’m here, yeah?”
My heart is ready to burst with combating emotions—hope, fear, sorrow, and love blend as one. But the loudest is my love for the man who I tried unsuccessfully to forget. And it’s that fierce love that propels me to move forward and reach for him. Gone is the fear that someday he will hurt me or leave me. Gone are the thoughts that our love won’t be enough. All that matters is to finally hold him in my arms without anyone else between us.
“It’s not an act, Ronan.”
“I told you to save it.” He raises a staying hand. “I see the way that you look at me … I’m here to f*ck you and get it over with.”
“You don’t mean that.” I dare to get a little closer to him. Lifting a hand, I watch him suck in a deep breath as I caress the crests of his cheeks with the back of my hand, I allow myself to feel an emotion that I haven’t in a long time.
And it’s wonderful.
And it’s madness.
It’s the sweetest hope, and it unfurls with each beat of my heart spreading like a wildfire throughout me. “Why are you really here, Ronan?”
His gaze penetrates mine, and I get lost in a sea of amber. “Why am I here?” he repeats forcefully. “Because I can’t f*cking pretend when I’m around you. How can I when you’re embedded in me—in my damn soul. I’m here because I can’t help it. I need you even when you tear me apart.” Even in the darkness, his eyes burn me to ashes while his words give me life.
Ronan cups my face with both of his hands, holding me his slave, his touch in turns unforgiving and possessive. “I told myself that I should walk away, that I should forget you, that you’re not worth it.”
“And did it work?” I ask softly.
“No. I’m here, after all. Wanting you more than ever and it’s f*cking killing me.” He tightens his grip. “I hate you for making me love you, and I hate myself because I can’t stop.”
Our eyes remain locked as I remove his hands gently from my face and begin to shower them with slow, revering kisses. Please forgive me. Kiss. It’s always been you. Kiss. Can you feel it? Kiss. Come back to me. Come back to me.
Come back to me.
Defeated, Ronan groans and pulls me in a tight embrace, and it feels like I’ve finally come home. Our time apart melts into a meaningless nothing.
“Tell me that you want me to go,” he pleads, his voice hoarse with emotion.
“I can’t.” I pull him closer to me. “Not that.”
“Why not?” The words are torn from his chest.
“Because I can’t lie to you.” I raise my eyes to look at him, offering myself to him. “You cruel man, I don’t want you to leave me.”
“Then I’ll stay.”
“Undress.”
He stands by the foot of the bed as I take off my clothes, watching me remove every layer that covers my body. Hesitant and nervous, I feel like we’re back in my bedroom about to make love for the first time on that never-forgotten lovely summer evening. By the time I’m completely naked, he undresses as well and comes to stand in front of me.
“Lie on the bed.”
His voice suddenly so devoid of emotion sends a chill running down my spine, but I ignore it. My desire to make him understand that I am his and only his blinds me to everything, even the odd light flashing in his gaze.
When I’m lying on the bed, he moves to stand between my legs, grabs me by the hips, dragging me forward so my feet touch the floor, and spreads my thighs apart. It’s crude and detached. Part of me knows that he’s punishing me for what I’ve done to him, so I let him and hope that this is what he must do before he can forgive me. Without preparing me for his invasion, Ronan pushes forward until he’s deep inside me. I cry out in pain while losing my mind in the sweetest agony of feeling him inside me after so long, of being this close once again. Breathing heavily, he stops all movement as a tremor runs down his entire body. The anger edged on his face should scare me, but all that matters, all I care is giving myself to Ronan.