Sweetest Venom (Virtue #2)(56)
I shake my head, sitting down on the bed as her words fight to get past the wall inside me. “That can’t be.” I raise my gaze to meet hers. “You’re lying to me.”
“No, I’m not. And you know it. Deep down you must know it’s true. But what did you expect from a girl who all her life thought she was unworthy of love, who was uncomfortable with a simple hug? It was too much for her, Ronan. Listen, I’m not excusing her behavior. She should’ve spoken to you. But she did the only thing that she knew. She ran. She lied to you because she knew that if she made you hate her, she could walk away from you. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been able to leave you.”
My heart begins to pump hard. Images of our short summer together, the masquerade, and of last night—especially last night—come crashing down on me. They were real.
Real.
“It wasn’t a lie then,” I mutter hoarsely, shaken to the core. “Last night when she …” Closing my eyes tightly, I feel sick to my stomach. “What have I done?”
She wasn’t only offering her body to me. She was offering her love to me. And I knew it. I’d felt it. But I let my thirst for vengeance get in the way.
“You’ve let your pride get in the way, Ronan. Besides, I saw you with Rachel and I’ve read the articles about your career. You’re the last person who should judge her.”
Defeated, I open my eyes and focus on Elly. “I’ve been a f*cking fool.”
“Both of you have. But listen to what I’m saying. She loves you. It’s always been you. So why the f*ck are you still here? Go after her.”
I was brought into this world but I never understood why. Why me and not someone else? Why was I here when there was nothing special about me? I was just another guy trying to get by. But as Elly’s words smash the walls around me, leaving me naked—defenseless—giving me a new hope that pulsates with every beating of my undeserving heart, I realize why.
Getting up, I go to the door. When I’m about to cross the threshold, I hear Elly ask, “Changed your mind?”
I glance back, smiling ruefully. “I pity your enemies, Elly. You’re a formidable adversary. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go after my woman.”
She grins. “Took you long enough.”
Blaire
AFTER ARRIVING AT PENN STATION from Vermont, I take a cab and head back to my apartment. I lean my head back on the seat and close my eyes, allowing the familiar noises of the city to lull me into relaxation. In a moment of weakness, I think of last night and this morning, but I bury the thought as fast as it appears. I’m not ready to go there yet, because if I do, I might not be able to take another step without falling apart.
Once I’m out of the cab and inside my apartment, I drop my bags in my room and go to the kitchen in search of food. As soon as my eyes land on the green bottle of champagne, Lawrence’s seductive smile flashes through my mind. Shit. Even my home is haunted by memories of them. But what did I expect? Unable to remain here for another moment, I shut the door as quickly as possible, get my stuff, and head out.
It’s dark by the time I reach the Bethesda Fountain, the moon and the stars hidden behind fast moving clouds that glow silver in the night. The air is electric like right before a storm. I sit in the same spot where I met Ronan, so many memories and lives ago. I enjoy the cold weather. It helps to clear my head. I’m not really sure why I came here other than to torture myself some more, but here I am.
As I look around the empty park, absorbing the way the street lamps bathe my surroundings in amber light, the first drop of rain lands on my skin, followed by more. Each lands simultaneously on different parts of my body. Closing my eyes, I place my hands behind me. I lean back on my palms and lift my face to the sky as I welcome the sensation of the droplets kissing my skin. I should go home, or seek shelter under the terrace, but I remain seated. Maybe a part of me wishes that the rain could wash away all my sins along with the dirt covering the stones of the fountain, purifying me. Or maybe I stay put because it was in this place where my life began and ended, and it is here where I should say good-bye and bury my short-lived dreams of a life with Ronan.
All of a sudden the sky opens up and it begins to rain heavily. Lightning illuminates the dark sky momentarily in a white light before the sound of thunder rumbles nearby. Wet to the bone and freezing, I’m about to move when the outline of a man appears to my right. As he approaches me, closing the space between us, I recognize him immediately. I would know him anywhere. Fire burns in my chest as I get up and begin to walk away from him as fast as my feet will allow.
“Blaire! Wait!” he shouts.
My treacherous heart urges me to stop at the sound of his voice. But I won’t listen to it. Not right now. I pick up the pace, beginning to run blindly. It doesn’t matter where I go as long as it’s far away from him. My feet slip on the wet ground as my vision blurs. The pain is much too strong. I’m being consumed by it.
Taking me by surprise, Ronan grips my arm and turns me to face him, slamming my body against his. Thunder and lightning continue to strike over and over again, illuminating his features. The wind has picked up speed, too. We both breathe heavily as desperation courses through our veins. But it’s his eyes that hold me hostage.
“Let go of me, you bastard!” I yell, hitting him on his chest as tears fall down my face. “Haven’t you had enough?”