Sweetest Venom (Virtue #2)(47)

She opens the door and gasps in surprise as her gaze lands on me. “Blaire?” She opens the door wider. “Is that you?”

“Hello, Mom,” I say, surprised that my voice sounds so calm.

She stares at me silently and I think she’s about to tell me to leave when she steps forward and embraces me in a hug so fierce I can almost feel the air disappearing from my lungs. It freezes me to the spot. I want to return her embrace but a part of me forbids it with rancor, while the other cries for her. So I stand still, unable to move.

After a moment, my mother pushes herself away from me. It seems like she wants to touch me again, but she won’t. Her eyes rove over my face. “I thought I was never going to see you again.”

I bury my hands in the back pockets of my black skinny jeans. “Me too.”

My mom lowers her gaze, focusing on her hands. “It’s been a long time.”

“Yes, a very long time.” The words hang between us just as the many lives that we have lived without each other. I wonder if she, too, remembers our good-bye as clearly as I do.

“My goodness, I’ve forgotten my manners.” She looks up and smiles sadly at me. “Would you like to come in?”

“I—”

“Please?” she pleads.



When I was fourteen, I developed my first crush. His name was Brendan and he had a penchant for bathing himself in Aqua Di Gio. That year, I loved Aqua Di Gio. Brendan sat in front of me in Spanish class. I would close my eyes, lean in a little closer and breathe in his smell. I would picture us going to the movies. We would hold hands and he would pay for popcorn and soda. He would pretend to stretch his arms just so he could wrap an arm around my shoulders. It was lovely. It was unattainable. Brendan didn’t know I existed. Brendan also had a crush on Paige. Somehow Paige discovered that I liked Brendan, and unbeknownst to me, she got him to ask me out to the movies, just like in my teenage dream. I showed up at the movie theater, heart beating fast. My first date with a boy. Brendan did show up, but he wasn’t alone. He was with Paige. And boy, did they put on a show for me.

I grew to hate the smell of Aqua Di Gio.

Now, that cologne is forever associated with Brendan, the heartbreak of my first teenage crush, and Paige. So, yeah, I can’t stand the smell.

And like Aqua Di Gio, this house bombards me with memories as I follow my mother into the living room, most of them painful. A part of me wants to run out the door, forgetting that I ever came.

But it’s too late to turn back.

I sit down on a couch I don’t recognize as I look around, my attention arrested by a picture of my parents. Together. Older. I frown. My mom follows the direction of my gaze, walks toward the frame, and picks it up. She caresses the glass tenderly, her fingers stroking my father’s face. The frown grows deeper. Am I missing something here? Or am I falling down Alice’s rabbit hole?

When my mother looks back, she must see the perplexed expression on my face because she places the picture down and smiles sadly. “I love this picture.”

“Um, yeah … I can see that,” I say but what I really want to ask is, why?

She stares at me for a short while, studying me. I want to fidget under her gaze, but I manage to sit still. “You’re more beautiful than I remember,” she murmurs softly.

“And does that bother you, Mom?” I reply, poison dripping off my every word.

She flinches as though I just slapped her. “I deserve that.”

“No,” I reply, angry with myself for being rude. “You didn’t. I’m sorry.”

My mom sits on the sofa across from me. “We used to do that, didn’t we? Go for each other’s throats? See who could slash deeper, hurt harder.”

To avoid looking at her in the eye, I pretend to study my nails. “Doesn’t matter now, does it?”

The silence that ensues is deafening. Our past shouts at us. Each and every memory raising its voice demands to be heard.

“What made you come back, Blaire?”

Swiftly, I raise my eyes, meeting her gaze. “I’m sorry it’s an inconvenience for you.” I stand up, getting myself ready to leave. “I should go. This was a bad idea.”

My mom grips my hand, stopping me. “No, don’t go. Not yet. I didn’t mean it like that, Blaire.”

I stare at her hand on my arm and remember the last time she ever touched me. It was a slap on the face. “When I was a little girl, all I ever wanted was to be held by you. To be loved by you. But that was then and this is now. Would you please remove your hand from my arm?”

She lets me go immediately, her eyes bearing naked pain. “We did you wrong, your father and I. My beautiful girl … What did we do to you?”

I don’t know whether to laugh in her face or throw myself down at her feet begging her to hug me and never let me go. Maybe both. Yes, definitely both. “You know what? I can’t do this right now.” I shake my head. “I need to think.”

My mom doesn’t stop me this time as she watches me grab my leather bag from the couch and stand on my feet. “How long will you be staying in town?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure.”

“Where are you staying?”

“At the Wiltmore.”

She stands up and walks over to me. As she approaches, I take the opportunity to notice the marks that time has left behind on her face. And time has been very kind to her. She’s still as beautiful as I remember her. Regal. Though there’s something very different about her. Something I can’t pinpoint. Softness?