Say You Love Me(17)

“There are a lot of things I can remember about you.” I grinned. “A lot of things you wouldn’t want me to bring up to your future husband.”

“Yeah.” Her expression changed and I wondered if she was worried that I’d let out all of her secrets on her wedding day. My heart started beating erratically as I thought about Sally getting married.

“I can’t believe that Mila and TJ are getting married,” I said, not enjoying the tightness in my chest. “We’ve gone and lost our best friends.” I tried to laugh, though the noise sounded awkward to my own ears. “What will we do now?” I said again, trying to sound normal. I looked down at the table for a second. I wasn’t sure why I was feeling out of sorts. Maybe I was more upset about TJ and Mila getting married than I’d thought initially.





Chapter 7





Sally



“I guess you’re going to be my new best friend, now that we’ve lost our best friends to each other,” I said to Cody, a huge smile on my face. The smile was there to hide the fact that what I really wanted to do was pull him up and out of his seat, drag him over to me and ask him what it was that he didn’t like about me. Why didn’t he like me? Why didn’t he love me? Why didn’t he want to date me? How could he bring up things he was going to tell or not tell my future husband, while I was here hoping he would tell me he wanted to be my future husband? My heart felt frozen and I knew the smile on my face was fake as hell. I’d thought the breakfast had been going well. Shit, he’d been flirting with me. He’d talked about an orgasm, for heaven’s sake. An orgasm! Who did that if they didn’t like someone? I almost felt like he was playing with me. Testing me to see how I’d react. I wanted to shake him. I wanted to tell him that he couldn’t do this to me. He couldn’t make me think he was interested in one breath and then push me back to the ground in the next. “Sally and Cody, best friends forever.” I said the words like I was some little kid on the playground. I wasn’t even sure where they’d come from. Was I showing all my cards too soon? Was he going to think I was some sort of weirdo? I knew as soon as the words were out of my mouth that I’d made a mistake. A big, stupid mistake. A mistake that could cost me all the peace of mind I had left. Yet, a part of me didn’t care. If I was going with this plan, I might as well just go with it and see what would happen.

“Yeah.” He nodded and smiled back at me. “I guess you’re my best buddy now.” He slapped his hand down on top of my hand and I almost jumped at the contact. My heart started thudding erratically at the feel of his warm, strong hands on mine, and I could feel my body growing warm. “You going to be my wing woman as well, then?” he said with another huge grin, and my stomach dropped almost immediately.

“Sure,” I said, my heart both breaking and rejoicing at the same time. The feel of his hand next to mine was amazing, made me feel alive, but the pain that was striking through my entire existence at his asking me to be his wing woman was almost excruciating. How could he be thinking of other women in this moment? Couldn’t he feel our connection? How could I be the only one seeing this? Just being around him gave me energy and life. Yet, he didn’t seem to be affected by me at all. I blinked up at him then and I wondered to myself if I was going crazy. If I had somehow let some alien into my life. How could I be so attached and attuned to him? How could I be feeling all these emotions? So many ups and downs and he—he just seemed to be feeling nothing. It made absolutely no sense to me. Absolutely no sense at all.





Part 2





Nothingness. Love. The depths of the ocean. The call of the wild. The trees in the forest. The majestic evergreen of the mountain. The brown ridges creating lines that could be seen from the other side of town, hundreds of miles away. The white snowcaps teasing me, begging me to come play. Her voice softly calling to me. Death. Life. The gentle sweetness of a first kiss. The breaking of a heart. The depths of my soul. The number of times I’ve wanted to say sorry. Emptiness. The feeling inside my stomach as I lie in bed thinking, thinking, thinking. Wondering. Loving her more than I’ve ever thought was possible. Losing her to another. Desperately trying to figure out if I can reclaim her heart. Thinking, thinking, thinking.



She was mine. I was hers. We were us. And I screwed it all up.





Chapter 8





Sally



The moment I knew Cody and I had developed a genuine deep friendship was the first night we spent together. And I don’t mean spent as in wham-bam, thank you, ma’am, screaming orgasms and strawberries and whipped cream. Though I wouldn’t have said no to any of those things—let’s be honest. No, I mean, spent the night as in we were in the same bed together and I felt his body close to mine (it was heaven and hell at the same time).

It was a couple of nights ago. We’d gone out to dinner because that’s what we do now; we go to dinner weekly to catch up. Don’t ask! It sounds better than it is. It’s great being around him, but it sucks because nothing ever happens. He doesn’t try and kiss me. He doesn’t try and take my hand. He doesn’t try and do anything. And of course, I don’t either. I mean, I’ve thought about it. I’ve dreamed about grabbing him and kissing him and sucking his tongue and putting my hands through his hair, but my nerves and fear of rejection have stopped me. Being rejected sucks, but being rejected by your new quasi-best-friend would suck even more.