Rule(86)

Just to test the waters of how deep I was in I put a hand on her thigh under the table and felt her tense at my touch.  I waited for her to move or to pry it off with her own hand but she never even stopped the flow of conversation with my mom.  It was obvious that they had missed each other and I felt a stab of guilt that Shaw had missed out on a relationship she obviously appreciated because of her loyalty and feelings for me.  I let my dad and brother draw me into a conversation about the Broncos and kept an eye on Shaw as we ordered dinner.  She never moved my hand but she never once looked my way either and I just didn’t know what to make of it.  I was grateful however that as long as my mom was focused on her she didn’t so much as bat an eyelash in my direction allowing the dinner to go as smooth as it could considering the circumstances and hostile undercurrents.  Dad ordered a bottle of champagne with dessert and before it showed up my mom got up to use the restroom finally giving Shaw a chance to turn and look at me.  When she did her mouth was tight and her super light eyebrows were furrowed over her eyes.
“We need to talk.”
My own eyebrows shot up so hard they pulled against the hoops pierced there.  “That’s kind of hard to do when you won’t answer the phone when I call you and you make up lame ass excuses night after night to avoid spending time with me.”
I saw her flinch and she leaned closer so that our heads were bent near one another.  She hissed in a tone low enough that only I could hear, “Well excuse me for not knowing what to say to you considering the last time we didn’t talk for a few days you stuck your tongue down the first willing girl’s throat.  I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I feel like you’re turning into a stranger and I hate it.”
I scowled at her and tightened my fingers on her leg.  “Do you trust me at all?  Geez Shaw maybe I was just trying to be a better boyfriend, one that doesn’t flip out over stupid shit all the time and one that isn’t in jail while your psycho ex is still on the prowl?  Maybe I was trying to act right for a change.  I was trying to be the kind of guy you deserve.”
She blew out a hard breath through her clenched teeth and her emerald colored eyes sharpened with an anger that I was surprised to see burned as hot as mine.  “Maybe you should have asked me before deciding what I deserve, Rule.  Maybe I liked the you that flips out over stupid shit.  Maybe I miss the you that is passionate enough about me, about my safety to risk going to jail over my psycho ex and I sure as hell never asked for you to be a better boyfriend, in fact the boyfriend of the last week has done nothing but make me confused and sad.”
I don’t think either of us realized that we had raised our voices or that we now had a captive audience.  In fact it took my mom making a noise low in her throat like a wounded animal as she wobbled on her heels next to her chair to get our attention.  She was looking between me and Shaw with huge eyes and had a hand pressed hard into her chest.  My dad looked far less surprised but worried about my mom as usual.
“What did you just call him?”
Shaw looked at my mom then back at me.  She sighed and answered softly like she was afraid the news would shatter the woman before her.  “Rule had I have been seeing each other for a little over a month now.  I told him he needed to stop acting like he needed to be someone else to be a better boyfriend.”  She turned to look at me and I could see her doing some kind of internal warfare with herself.  Finally she sucked in a deep breath and turned back to my mom.  “I’ve been in love with him since I was thirteen, Margot.”
I went still at her confession and felt everything inside me turn to jelly.  She loved me.  This perfect, wonderful, kind young woman loved me and had for a long time.  I didn’t know where to put that because my mom started blinking back tears and for the first time that night turned her attention to me.
“It’s not enough that you took Remy’s life?  You had to take the girl he loved from him too?”
Stunned silence landed on the table like a ton of bricks.  My instinct was to push away from the table and storm out of the restaurant but I couldn’t because Shaw clamped a hand over mine on her leg and my dad and Rome both leapt to their feet in outrage.  “Margot!”  “Mom!”  Voices were raised and the other patrons in the restaurant were starting to pay all kinds of attention to the scene we were making but I was too stunned to care.  I heard Shaw say my name, felt my brother put his hand on my shoulder but I just wasn’t there, at least I wasn’t there until Shaw climbed to her feet put her fingers in her mouth and let out a whistle that has us all looking at her in shock.  She put her hands on the table and leaned forward so that she was talking directly to my mom but she made eye contact with all of us.
“Everyone shut up,” she pointed a finger at my mom and narrowed her eyes.  “Listen to me Margot and for once you need to hear what I’m saying.  I loved Remy, still do but we were never in love.  He knew how I felt about Rule and at times both encouraged and discouraged it but at the end of the day he knew we don’t necessarily choose who we fall in love with.”  She took a deep breath and I watched her chest rise and fall.  She was struggling with something, something big if the flush on her face and the way her hands balled into fists were any indication.  “Remy had secrets, I know you boys were close, that you all loved and respected each other but Remy was different than the two of you and he just didn’t know how to tell you.  He thought that maybe it was best for everyone to just let all of you assume we were a couple because of how hard Dale and Margot were on Rule and all he did was tattoo himself and wear his hair all crazy.”  She turned so that she was fully facing me and I saw she had tears in her eyes and that her bottom lip was trembling.  I wanted to wrap her up in a hug and make it all better but even in my emotional shell shock I was experiencing I knew her words were about to change my world forever.