Rule(82)

-       I think I have a migraine coming on.  Ayden isn’t working tonight so I think we’ll just have a girl’s night at home with a stupid move and some popcorn so you can go out with your friends or whatever.

I wanted him to tell me that was stupid.  That of course he would come over but I got back:

-       Alright.  Let me know if you need anything for your head.  Keep your door locked I still don’t trust Davenport.

I wanted my Rule back.  I wanted him to get mad at me, I wanted him to throw all that attitude he normally toted around at me but I got none of it.  All I got was quiet acquiescence and easy agreeability, things that my Rule knew nothing about.  Angry and not sure why or what to do about it I tossed the phone into my purse and ordered us another round of drinks.

“What’s wrong now?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on Shaw.  I’ve been with you all day; tell me what’s really going on, the boobs, the hair and the freezing visit to the grave something is behind it all.  You make me talk when I don’t want to so spill it.”

I sighed dejectedly and twirled the straw around in my drink.  “I told Rule not to come over tonight because I was getting a migraine.”

“Which I assume is not true.”

“No and it don’t really want him to stay away I just wanted him to do what he normally does and throw a fit, to act temperamental and bossy, to tell me he’s coming over whether I like it or not because he wants to.  Instead he just says okay like it’s no big deal and I don’t know what to do with it.  It’s not like he can’t be sweet and nice when he wants to but that’s just not his default.  He’s complicated and argumentative but lately all he wants to do is smile and nod like I can do no wrong.  It weirds me out and it just isn’t like him so I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Maybe try being stoked that your boyfriend sounds awesome?”

I tried to smile because I knew she was just kidding but I didn’t have the heart for it.  “It’s not just when we talk or I ask him to do things, it’s in bed too.  Normally it’s all out of control passion and mind numbing orgasm after orgasm but lately it’s been a lot more like may I do this, and is it okay if I do that, and how does this make you feel, and are you okay with this?  He’s never been the type to ask for permission, he takes what he wants and by the end makes sure you want it twice as bad, it’s starting to really freak me out because I don’t even know how to talk to him about it without sounding like a paranoid lunatic.”

“Well you have to talk to him about it.  You can’t just keep expecting him to act one way while he’s doing something entirely different or you’re both just going to be disappointed.”

I knew she was right but that didn’t mean I had the first clue how to go about it.  “Whatever happened between him and Gabe after my car got trashed is what started it.  He left the apartment one way and came back as a stranger.”

“I know a couple people who were walking to class when it happened.  They said it looked like Rule was going to tear Gabe apart but then he let him go and a security guard broke it up so I don’t know what could have triggered such a strange reaction in him.”

“I don’t either but I hate it and it’s just one more reason to curse Gabe and how he has managed to interfere in my life.”

I was feeling pretty down so we had a few more cocktails than planed and then Ayden decided that since we were already bombed that we should make good on the girls night.  We ordered wings to go from the bar and hiked home since we were only four blocks away and I could just get dropped off at the car in the morning.  We stumbled in and crashed on the couch.  We watched three sappy, romantic comedies back to back, polished off the wings with a bottle of wine, indulged in ice cream and popcorn and laughed hysterically at things that were not remotely funny.  It wasn’t until I finally crawled into bed hours later that I realized that I hadn’t called Rule or even sent a message to let him know what I was doing all night long.  I think my heart cracked a little when I looked at the screen of my phone and it reflected back no missed calls or new messages.  He hadn’t even bothered with a goodnight or an I miss you.

I tossed the phone somewhere on the floor, careful this time not to hurl it at the wall and crawled under the covers.  I assumed since I was pretty plastered that sleep would suck me under in no time but I was wrong.  I tossed and turned for over two hours until I finally gave up and realized I wasn’t going to sleep unless I changed something.  I had spent the last month cozied up next to Rule’s solid bulk and sleeping in an empty bed when I was feeling shitty just didn’t hold the same appeal.  I shoved the covers aside and rummaged through one of the dresser drawers that Rule had started stashing some of his things in when he stayed over.  I found his favorite Defiance Ohio t-shirt and striped down and put it on.  It was worn, soft and mostly it reminded me of him so when I crawled back into bed I finally fell into a fitful rest knowing that I had to get a handle on whatever was going on before I went crazy or turned into an insomniac lush.



Chapter 15

Rule

“Hey you gotta a minute?”  I looked up from the drawing of an old school pirate ship I was working on when my brother’s voice surprised me from the doorway of my room.  I was concentrating so hard that I hadn’t heard him come in and my mind was a million miles away because for the second night in a row Shaw had come up with some lame ass excuse to hang by herself rather than with me and it was pissing me off.  I was making an active effort to act in a way I thought all good boyfriends were supposed to act.  I was being considerate, attentive, deferring to her wishes and not pushing for anything so generally being a giant * and letting her call all the shots and it wasn’t getting me a damn thing, even in bed.  I wanted to be a guy that wouldn’t give her a reason to walk away, that would make her happy so that she didn’t have to battle my mood swings and crazy outbursts of crazy.  I was trying with limited success to be a guy that she wanted to keep around especially since Davenport was still floating around and unhinged but for whatever reason my new and improved attitude seemed to be achieving the opposite result.  I had spent the last two nights tossing and turning because I was so used to her soft form curled up next to mine and I was too irritated to just call her and tell her I was over it and just coming over anyway because I knew it was what we both wanted.