No Kissing Allowed (No Kissing Allowed #1)(53)

“Sorry, what did you say?” Aunt Trudy asked, her face pinched. “You’re Cammie’s boss?”

Crap. We hadn’t discussed how to handle this second visit, and now… “No, he’s not my boss. He’s…” I trailed off, a cold sweat breaking out on my back. Their eyes were all on me, waiting.

I opened my mouth, though I had no idea what I wanted to say, when Mom called out from the kitchen doorway, her hand outstretched, pointing at something above us. Our heads all tilted up, and there, right above Aidan and me, was a bundle of mistletoe. Mom beamed at me. “It’s the house rule. You must kiss if you’re under mistletoe.”

Aidan’s gaze fixed on me. “Gladly.” And in one swift move, he pulled me to him, kissing me sweetly, not willing to let go, and suddenly the aunts were sighing and the cousins were walking away, and I peered over at Mom in time to catch her winking at me before heading back into the kitchen. She’d looked out for me, saved me.

My chest felt heavy as a surge of emotions worked through me. “I’ll be right back,” I said to Aidan before heading to the kitchen. Mom was alone, her strict one cook in the kitchen rule enforced.

She cocked her head at me. “I’m not letting you try the pecan pie before it’s on the table, Cammie. So you can just turn your cute bottom around and go back to that boy of yours.”

I came up to her and, before she could say another word, wrapped my arms around her, tears glistening my eyes. “I love you so much.”

She set down the wooden spoon she had in her hand and turned to me. “What in the world is this?” she asked.

“I just…I love you. And I miss you. And I’m sorry that I don’t always make you proud. But every success I’ve ever had is because you were there for me. Even when you didn’t like what I did. You supported me. I love you, Mom.”

She smiled, her own tears in her eyes, though I knew today of all days she’d never cry. She was a hostess today. “You’re wrong.” I drew back, and she gripped my hand. “I am so proud of you. Of everything you’ve done, of the woman you are becoming. I couldn’t be more proud.”

I hugged her again, getting flour from her apron on my blouse, but I didn’t care.

“I love you,” she said, then with a soft kiss to my cheek and a little sniffle she added, “Now, get out of my kitchen.”

Dinner was served at six, like always, and then we all ate dessert and listened while Eric read ’Twas the Night Before Christmas to all the children. Aidan pulled me against him as we listened and kissed my neck, and I could get used to him here, in my world. He fit into the crazy, somehow. He fit me.

“I have a surprise for you,” he said into my ear. I stiffened instantly. We’d agreed to no presents, and though I knew my parents would have something for him tomorrow, I’d kept to the agreement, fearful that opening gifts might remind him of his mom, and I didn’t want to make him sad on Christmas.

“But, we—”

“Shh,” Aidan said, pressing a finger to my lips. “This is the best part.”

I focused back on Eric as he finished up the story and passed around the small gifts Mom had bought all the kids. They opened them up excitedly, and then the house was empty and we were cleaning up so Mom and Eric could go on to bed.

“You do the family thing well,” Aidan said from where he stood drying the china I’d just washed.

I grinned. “You’re not so bad at it yourself.”

His eyes fixed on me and he walked over, pinning me to the counter, his arms on either side of me. “I like this. Being here with you. In the open.”

My gaze dropped. “Yeah, me, too.”

He lifted my chin and peered into my eyes. “Tell me what you’re thinking. Why do you look sad?”

I hesitated. I’d told him how I felt in a roundabout way, but he hadn’t given me anything to go on. Still, Christmas Eve didn’t feel like the right time to push it. “It’s nothing.”

The house had become chilly without the fire in the great room to keep us warm, and I shivered. Aidan ran his hands up and down my arms to try to warm me. “Tell me.”

“I don’t want this to end,” I finally admitted. “And…” I hesitated again, wishing I could hold this in for another day, until we returned back home, until the magic of Christmas was gone and we were back to reality.

“And?”

“I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want to kiss you in abandoned stairwells or hide in closets or be afraid to bring you home to my apartment because Alexa might be there. I want this. I want a family and kids. I want it all.”

He stared down at me and ran his hands easily through my hair, a storm of mixed emotions in his eyes, before he finally blinked hard and said, “What if we talked about moving in together? Focused on this version of us, worked to make it more. I can do long-term. With you, I can. But…” He drew a long breath, his arms back at his side, like he needed to separate from me to say his next words. “I can’t get married. I can’t have kids. Those things aren’t in my future.”

I fought to swallow as a mix of emotions hit me. There was a time I would have been thrilled with his offer, would have clung to it with the hope that one day it would become more. But I wasn’t a girl anymore, who wished on stars and prayed for things to change. Adulthood meant discovering not only who you were, but what you wanted out of your life. I knew what I wanted now. I couldn’t go back. “I know this is big for you.”