Maybe Later(68)

“How do you keep her alive?”

“I use her name as an alias when I work.”

“So, you become Amy?”

She closes her eyes briefly and sighs. “Usually, except the last time I couldn’t.”

“I’m sorry about what happened to your sister.”

I sympathize imagining how hard it’d be to lose one of my siblings, but knowing that if Jeannette loses June or vice versa, they would be lost.

“This is hard,” she says, standing up from her seat and placing her empty plate in the sink. “You’re a great guy.”

“Oh boy, I’m getting the ‘you’re a great guy’ speech for being too nice. That’d teach me,” I groan.

“Hold on to your seat because it’s followed by an, ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’”

“You just made my morning, Emmeline,” I say grunting.

“I’m not going out with anyone else, but my heart is splitting into two,” she argues. “I can’t fully commit to you because there is someone else. A guy from work, who I’ve never even met. Yet I feel comfortable with him, as if we fit, and he understands me in ways I don’t even understand myself. You always say and do the right thing, but I don’t feel like you really know me.”

She’s not making any sense, and my chest is hurting so much that I really don’t care about telling her the truth.

“Laura needs me,” she explains. “I’m heading to Boston this Wednesday.”

“That’s it?” I growl. I’m trying not to hate her or myself with all the pain I’m feeling.

“It’d be unfair to ask you to wait until I figure my life out,” she says looking around. “If I ever do. And you are single and stopped hating me for what I’m saying.”

“There are too many variables don’t you think?” I ask. “What if you are throwing away the love of a lifetime?”

“If it is,” she pauses. “It will it still be there when I’m ready. But I don’t think you and I are meant to be together. If we were, I wouldn’t be feeling like something is missing when I’m with you.”

She lowers her head.

“Sometimes, goodbye means I need to disappear before we hurt each other,” she mumbles.

I want to tell her that what she’s missing is me—that I am the same fucking guy she’s leaving me for. That I love her, and we could make it work. There’s nothing perfect about me. Most days I’m an asshole—but she sets me straight and reminds me who I should be. I’m hurting too much to even want to fight this. I feel annoyed, uneasy, and like I want to jump out of my skin. Is this what unrequited love feels like?

“Stay for as long as you need. It’s been almost twenty-four hours. You don’t have to wake up every two hours anymore.”

“Jack,” she calls after me.

As I open the main door, I look over my shoulder and say, “I’m far from perfect, Em. I just tried to be the guy you needed when you were having a shitty day. That’s what you do for your loved ones.”





Chapter Thirty-Five





Jack


Thursday, June 9th, 9:39 a.m.



Last Sunday night, I arrived home to find it empty with a note from Emmeline.

I wanted to say sorry. I just can’t do this to you or to myself. You deserve everything, not only half of a heart.

Those words were perfect, fitting, but there was more going on behind those words. She’s afraid to be left behind, so she leaves when the feelings get real. I wouldn’t doubt that she’s about to dump Jackson Spearman too. Our contract ends tomorrow.

Today, I’ve barely had any contact with her. I hurt too much to act casual. For a change, I begin my day by visiting Carla who stares at me with an open mouth and an astonished expression.

“This is a surprise,” Carla, my assistant says as she lets me inside her home. “What can I do for you?”

“If I say I was just in the neighborhood and decided to visit you, would you believe me?” I look around her tidy house. There’s no indication that she has a baby around.

“What can I do for you?” She waves toward the living room.

“You’re due back tomorrow,” I explain, taking a seat on her leather couch. “I should’ve come sooner, but I’ve been dealing with other issues. However, we’re expanding the team. Jason is now working full time with us, and Amy suggested we hire an assistant so you can have more free time.”

“VAES is a great company,” she offers. “If it weren’t for the benefits, I’d be applying for a job there.”

“Why would you say that?” I ask confused.

“Ms. Lancaster sent a cleaning crew yesterday to make sure I had everything ready for my first day of work,” she explains. “She swears it was your idea, but we know better, don’t we?”

I laugh along with her. “Where is your daughter?”

“In daycare,” she answers. Carla reaches out for a picture to show me. “Ms. Lancaster found me a great place, and she suggested I begin the transition last week. Every day, I’m taking Dahlia there for a couple of hours, so she gets used to the new environment.”