Maybe Later(6)
Not to worry, I’m making it my mission to turn things around. Please tell Dear Amy what’s bothering you.
Regards,
Amy
P. S. Maybe you just need a simple dose of anger management.
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From: J. Spearman
To: A. Walker
Subject: Anger management and toys
Thursday, March 10th, 7:56 a.m.
Leave my family out of this mess. I can’t believe you sent a box of gadgets for anxiety and anger management to my office. A manual on how to deal with my inner-ogre? I didn’t believe it was a real book until I googled it. Where do you get this shit?
I’m not paying for any of it, and I already emailed your superior regarding the prank. What’s the return address? I’m sending it all back.
J. Spearman
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From: A. Walker
To: J. Spearman
Subject: Returns
Thursday, March 10th, 8:01 a.m.
The box comes courtesy of VAES. I think of it as a little help for the entire company— maybe even the world. Please, take your time to read the material I sent you. It’s recognized by the best therapists around the globe. Ignore chapter seven. We already established you don’t have issues with your mother—at least you assured me you didn’t.
I’m just trying to create a better work environment for the two of us. If you need any further assistance, there’s a list of anger management workshops attached to this email. Have a wonderful day.
Amy
P. S. For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
–Ralph Waldo Emerson
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From: J. Spearman
To: A. Walker
Subject: Fortune cookies
Thursday, March 10th, 11:37 a.m.
We didn’t hire you to hand out fortune cookie quotes. Please, keep our environment professional—and my ass out of conversations. Could you please tell your messenger that my name is not, man? Did he seriously just drop off a bottle of CBD?
I can’t believe you’re sending me drugs.
J. Spearman
P. S. Get high on Life, not Drugs.
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From: A. Walker
To: J. Spearman
Subject: Returns
Thursday, March 10th, 4:22 p.m.
Dear CEO of one of the top 500 companies in America,
Did you read the bottle that my messenger sent you or you just glanced at the word CBD and decided I’m your dealer?
And … did you get those quotes from old anti-drug posters?
The CBD is made out of hemp and doesn’t have any psychotropics. It only helps with your mood—you need lots of help.
Have you ever been fired as a client? Because I’m so close to just dropping your negative energy right about now. I’m waiting for a heartfelt apology. Or at least some kind of apology, because, rumor has it, you don’t have a heart.
Amy
P. S. Anger is one letter short of danger.
–anonymous.
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From: J. Spearman
To: A. Walker
Subject: Apologies
Friday, March 11th, 5:23 a.m.
I have a heart, I don’t waste it on people who don’t deserve it.
J. Spearman Sent from my phone
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From: A. Walker
To: J. Spearman
Subject: Fuzzy and warm
Friday, March 11th, 7:02 a.m.
I feel so fuzzy and warm inside. You woke up early just to answer my email… and you created a quote of your own. So proud of you, Mr. Spearman. There wasn’t an apology included, but that’s okay, I’ll give you a break because it’s Friday and apparently you went through some soul-searching journey where you came up with that nice quote for me.
Enjoy this magical Friday!
Amy
P. S. Writing the word apology on the subject line doesn’t make it one.
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From: A. Walker
To: J. Spearman
Subject: Copies
Tuesday, March 15th, 7:59 a.m.
The courier just delivered the documents you need to sign to the receptionist. Please return them as soon as possible, so we can overnight them.
I’m glad to know you can finally get your own glass with ice. I knew it wouldn’t be too hard. I won’t celebrate yet, since it takes twenty-one days to create a habit. Yours are dreadfully infuriating. That reminds me, your receptionist mentioned you’ve been sneezing and looking pale. I made a doctor’s appointment for 10:30 a.m. I also rescheduled your appointments for next week. Nothing is urgent. I’ll take care of the rest.
Remember, you’re responsible for an entire company. If you ignore your health, you’ll be lowering your performance and others might get sick too.
Contact me if you need me.
Amy.
P. S. Make today the best one yet.
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From: J. Spearman
To: A. Walker
Subject: More important things to do